Long Journey- while earned in the end.
2/11/2011 7:19:01 PM
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I am going to start in the beginning....I was to have been a mistake from the start, not my fault, but the fault of sin out of marriage by my mother.But God makes no mistakes. Satan wanted to destroy me, so he put thoughts into my mother's head about aborting me. See, she had an affair out side her marriage and it produced me. Both men in her life,said no to aborting me. One my father asked her not to abort, while her husband told her he would raise me as his own. Right there God's hand was in on it. My real father said I went through some difficult times at the age of two. I had a child disease called rheumatic fever, which at the time,the native American and the white society were fighting. So my people would not send me to the hospital, Instead they would have to pray the native way. My father said that they had lost me though, I had no heart beat. This praying was well into the night and they were finally going to stop, but my father told them please to continue for just awhile longer. I did come back too, but I had complications to my heart, bones, lungs and brain. The government took me away from my native family and I was placed in foster homes. I look back on that time and I see the enemy trying again to take my life in which it did occur only that God brought me back as He is God. All my life I was constantly in trouble, even as a young child. But the LORD God Almighty was teaching me, molding me and just had His hand on me all through my young life. At the age of ten I gave my heart to Him and asked Him to be my God. He heard me but I was going to go through a terrible long suffering in which I would not even trust my own shadow. I went through a period of being molested by one of my foster fathers. I went through a period of suicidal thoughts and learn the numbing of alcohol at a young age of Eleven. I picked up smoking as well. As I grew up into the age of thirteen my acts of rebellion was way out there against any kind of authority. They did not help me but placed me into these terrible situations. How could I trust them? I thought. I was thinking of murder on one foster father but it never came to be, just the threat came out to him. He finally left me alone. Still it remained in me to hate. In my spirit I still loved though, I had Jesus who was bringing me to His perfection, even though it was a tough battle. I finally at the age of thirteen stole three cars in desperation to get away from my problems. In that process, I witnessed a bright light that appeared to me in the night, for that is when I stole the cars. I have a feeling it was an angel for it was so big that it blinded me and I had to stop the car. I could not see any further. I heard no sound it had no heat no wind. But I lost time, it became morning. My friend who was with me, she and I did not talk about the incident at all after wards. while they finally caught me the authorities and I ended up three years in children's reformatory. There I was taught the value of a so called family set on rules. I did not mind that so much. I kept a lot of things inside me though. I still did not trust authority. Still hid behind my bad self. But Jesus was working inside of me and telling me He loves me. I talked with God a lot when I was young, I asked Him one time would He please take my life. As I became into my young adult life things would not get any better.I became in volved in gangs from Chicago and Milwaukee. I was kidnapped by one gang and one of the guys kept me in his room in his family house and raped me. His family did nothing. My anger grew more and more. The other gang I was in finally came to my rescue and brought me back to their place. I had a feeling of false love, but not the love I should of felt as any young girl knew. That gang activity escalted into the biker world and then that was totally insane for me. I think I was asking for death for at times I pushed these men to the hilt by spitting on them or cussing at them. I was no lady. There are times I heard that they had decaptiated someone and they wanted me next. I was warned so I got out of that club and went into another. This went on for awhile. I drank a lot. Even though I was rebellious God was protecting me. I turned to drugs many times shooting, snorting and smoking you name it. I did many other things that I should of died, but I believe a Mighty hand was covering me. In and out of marriages not feeling loved. I was a wreck. Many times I cried to Jesus to help me with this life of mine. Many times He stirred me from my death. I had guns pointed at me, I had almost lost my life by losing my grip on a rocky led only to fall backwards to the rapids below when a hand of God (literally) came and pushed me back up. Fell many times that I hit my head on a rock so hard that it should of split my skull, but it did not. Many accidents, but not even a stratch on me. God was always there for me. I did not see it at the time but now when I recall all, I am amazed at His Grace. I have had husbands,and boyfriends who have died. Where am I to find love? Now I am fifty three and six years ago my finally of being lost was no more. God spoke to me out of the air. He literally stopped me from condeming my life, I was in the process of shooting crystal meth, and I heard Him. It was not the drugs. I could not get high. No matter how much I took. My calling was heard, and I gave up right then and there. I turned my life to Him who called me and I said Here I am. He started turning my life around and He has not stopped ever. He has loved me from the very beginning and now I in my short time will devote my remaining time for Him. I owe Him that much and so much more. I am totally in LOVE with Him, my Beloved Jesus, My God. I am now an Ordained Pastor who has a heart for many broken hopeless spirits that think that their life is nothing. God makes no Mistakes. God loves everyone!