I am so sorry you are going through this stressful situation. You are right that every baby has a reason to be here. Out of protection for yourself and the baby, while it may be difficult, it might be very wise to leave your bf alone for now. Due to the fact he is battling addictions, he can not clearly think or see how he is treating you or even himself. He has to be able to get well himself and get clean, for a long period of time, before he can start to be a good bf and father. Don't take it personally--he just does not have the ability right now to let go of his addictions and not even a baby will cause him to overcome it. Keep praying for him but for the sake of yourself and your child, build a life apart from him and wait for God to resolve the situation. This could take a long time or maybe the resolution will be that God will give you the strength to raise the baby on your own. Your child does have a right to know his/her father, however, he/she also has the right to a healthy relationship with his/her father, which is not something that can happen right now. It is very hard for you to let go because you want so badly to "fix" the situation, but it is not something that is in your power to do so, no matter how much your bf may love you or the baby, love can not overcome an addiction. Plus, he has to still process the death of his parents. It sounds like he is trying to numb the pain with drugs. He really does need help, apart from you. And, cycles and patterns are very difficult to break. Since he never had a father, he has no skills in even knowing how to be a good father or how to connect with someone. All these things you need in your life--you deserve more than this man can offer you right now. Set the bar higher for yourself and your child. You can love someone at a distance and pray for them, but love him enough not to let him make a mistake with you or your baby--don't let him yell at you or be abusive towards you--because he honestly can't control it right now and deep down he doesn't want to do that. Maybe that is why he realizes he has to create distance--maybe he is scared of what he is capable of. In love, let him go...if God changes him, you'll know and he will be clean and have a new pattern of behavior for a long period of time. Don't forget too, that relapses are very common and this is a battle that he might fight for years, especially if he does not get the proper professional help and find new behaviors for coping with his pain. I believe he probably does love you and the baby, but has no skills, no ability and no strength to support you. He is incapable of doing this and none of this has anything whatsoever to do with you. Don't hang onto an unhealthy relationship, though. Your baby is now your priority. Raise your baby in a healthy, stable and safe environment and your child will respect you for it. Someday he may play some role in his/her life but don't cling to that. Instead, create a new life with your baby and continue to pray that God heals your bf, not for the sake of your relationship, but mainly for the sake of healing him for him. Be patient too...this is a long haul....and don't give up hope....But...do live your life and make a new life with your baby. You can do this alone and God will provide for you financially as well as spiritually--God can really fill that void for now that you need. All the best....

1/30/2008 5:45:15 PM - anonymous

I agree with the posting on 1/30. If you want to break the cycle, teach the child the importance of being a parent. So when he/she becomes one, then they will not abandon their child(ren). You will need to be the role model, until changes are made for the better with regards to your bf. I pray that God protect you and your babies, just as he has me and mine. Right now, all that baby has, is you. If you go back to an abusive relationship or force the father on the baby, then the baby may come back angry at you when he/she is older - even though you are trying to help break a chain. God bless you and keep you. :)

2/5/2008 2:03:47 PM - Prov19, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/4/2008

you not alone...dont give up..now enjoy ur pregnancy..and continue have close relationship with God..let His purpose working on ur life...and keep pray for ur BF and forgive him ( IT,S MAKE YOU CAN WALK FREE WHEN YOU REALY FORGIVE SOMEONE HURT YOU ).....when you have close relationship with God..you will never feel alone... God bless you always mich

2/5/2008 8:54:04 PM - Michray, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/21/2008

My best friend is going thru the same situation, so I understand. What I tell her is that it is better to be alone than with someone who is so unpredictable, violent and caught up in their own self to care about you or the baby. It is not your fault, but you need to distance yourself from him and keep praying for him to get the healing he needs. Reach out to the people who you know can help you thru this time - your family and your church family. Go and get food stamps if that is what you need to do or WIC. Don't hang on to the bf because of money. There are resources out there to help you. It's not easy, but the Lord will be with you thru it all. And you are stronger than you know. God Bless you always! Kelly

2/11/2008 8:29:39 PM - anonymous

I will join you in prayer that God will move in your life and comfort you during this difficult time. You may never "know" why you are going through this, but one thing I do know, God can take where you are at right this minute and move you to good. One of my favorite verses says, "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy way acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Keep your eyes and focus on Him. Grow closer to Him. Pray, read your Bible, meet with other Christians. You will be okay. God loves you and will help you direct your life along His paths which are always the best for us, if you let Him.

2/27/2008 10:40:35 AM - anonymous

Dear Shana - I was married for over ten years and not able to have children, then I became very ill and almost died from a rare disease and spent one month in ICU on a respirator. My illness lasted about a year. Well, Jesus was so real to me and as I recovered he gave me such strength and after I was well again, he blessed me with a little boy and then a little girl. Well wouldn't you know my husband walked out when my baby girl was only eleven months old, and my son wasn't three yet. He didn't even want to support them. But Shana, God never left me. I cried out to him, and he provided money, a way to keep our home, friends, food, clothes. He even had someone cut our lawn for free. It may not be the road we choose, because I felt my babies needed their earthly father, but God is the best father they can have. Jesus is especially close to my son. My son's faith is so strong. I will pray that your boyfriend will find freedom from his addictions, and that Shana you and your precious baby will know that Father God, Brother Jesus and the Comforting Spirit are more than you need. Put your trust in Jesus, Shana, he will never reject you.

3/15/2008 12:01:35 AM - Suzyvzy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 3/14/2008

Hi Shana, I read your testimony and I will hold you in my prayers. You are loved by God, by me and by the other brothers and sisters here as shown by the responses. God Bless you in this great trial. Keep your faith in Jesus. He loves you.

4/21/2008 3:48:48 PM - JasonP, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/19/2008

Sometimes, God does things that we question, and that is okay to question it. But, we all know that he works in mysterious ways. Maybe he is causing all of these things to happen to prepare you for something even better in the future. So, just go on being who you are, and let God handle the rest. I love you, may the Lord be with you. Peace.

4/24/2008 10:13:01 AM - ubugme, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/22/2008

Hello, my name is Tino. I know a lot of ministry leaders and awesome people here in Colorado. I would like to offer a hand of friendship to you and let you know that even with your situation right now, God loves you and cares for you so MUCH. I personally know of a place called Providence Network that may be able to help you either in your town or in Colorado. You can visit the website: www.ProvidenceNetwork.org I also see it's been a few months since you posted your testimonial. I will pray for you. The only challenge is I don't know where you live. Here is my email address: TINOHI1@gmail.com Please let me know your situation and I will contact the proper faith-based organizations to see if they can help you..... God bless you. I hope you are well.

4/29/2008 3:19:13 PM - anonymous

Hi Shana: I was in a similar relationship years back but I had a good job and when I met my husband I knew nothing about drugs and learned quite fast. One day i got home from work and walked in to a party at home. I was somewhat perplexed as i knew the people to see them but here they were in my home. The alcohol ran out & I noticed my husband wasn't about so i went to see what He had planned as it was early in the day. I walked into my bedroom and he had just stuffed the money from my wallet in his pocket. He grabbed me and started just pounding on me. The people he invited to his party all ran out the door. No one even bothered to try and stop him although there was quite a number of them. He slammed my head against the corner of a table and that was the last I remembered. He just about killed me for a measly 200.00 and threatened to kill me and the boys. It took years to get over that fear and the youngest was about three months old when I finally had the nerve to see him out of our life. He has never changed and it came to a point, about 6 years later, the police came in when I was becoming a nervous wreck from his phone calls and letters. After all that time, he still figured I should be giving him money to support his bad habits and that we could be a wonderful family if I would just give him another chance and 'get off my high horse' as he put it. I was a single parent for most of my life for 5 sons, so if I can do it, so can you. It wasn't easy but my children were safer and I had a better chance to draw near to God. (which is another story) Bad choices needn't be lifelong sentences that affect innocent children. Pray that God, the Father will have compassion and mercy upon the father of your child, taking into consideration his childhood and circumstances. Ask the Lord for His saving grace to lift the generational curse from your boyfriend. It may well be that he will never go back to your relationship together but to walk with God in faith will give your child a better life because two people took the time to change their ways because of her/him just as we feel when we think of how God gave His only begotten Son for us. To sacrifice is to gain. An interesting article to read is the 'evil tree' You can google it and will find it quite helpful. God be with you.

5/6/2008 4:18:29 AM - shurdell, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/22/2008

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