I was raised in a Catholic home and attended church regularly as a child. I served as an altar boy for many years. Around the age of 10, I felt a calling in my life and thought that I might want to be a priest. That desire stayed with me for many years, and during grade nine and ten, I worked closely with the priest at our Catholic High school, learning about his work, helping him prepare Mass and having long talks about faith and Christ. In grade ten I went on a retreat hosted by a convent in Kingston and felt the call even more strongly. My teachers and family were very supportive.

Late in grade Ten, something changed. I was overcome by a great, unexpected depression and suddenly, nothing was the same. I dropped out of school, stopped going to Church and eventually, went and stayed with my aunt for a few months. In the fall, I returned home but decided to go to the public high school. I stopped going to church. I lost touch with most of my friends but did not make any new ones. I kept to myself. Everyone wondered what was wrong with me, but I had no answers to give.

My second year in University, I felt God calling me back and I began spending time and volunteering at the Newman Centre at the University of Toronto. I got to know the priest there very well and I once again served in the church. Father Rosica and I had long talks and became friends. I even once made lunch for a visiting Cardinal. It was a lot of fun, and I could feel God working in my life again. I had plans to move into the centre in the fall and become a part of the live-in volunteer team. Sadly, the same thing happened very quickly. A depression came over me and I dropped out of school, quit my job, left my fiancee and moved out of the city, all within the span of a few weeks. I stopped going to Church once again and did not go back for many years. I hit rock bottom, and I had no idea why. It all happened so fast. I hurt a lot of people in the process, yet I could not even explain any this to them, for I didn't understand it myself.

For many years I lived in a small, cramped apartment and worked minimum wage jobs. I had lost all ambition and desire and was nothing but a shell of what I had once been. I lived this way for almost 10 years.

That all changed one day when a Pastor and a young man from the Baptist church knocked on my door and asked if I had any children who might enjoy their Sunday school and youth ministries. I told them I did not, but that I might like to come by some Sunday. I began to go each and every Sunday and not long after that, I asked Jesus to save me and take over my life. I was baptized.

Since then, things have been happening slowly but surely. I finally went back to university and finished my degree. I changed careers and started getting better jobs. I made friends, got to know the members of the church and married the love of my life. I started writing music again and began serving on the worship music team playing piano and guitar.

One day last year, soon after I turned thirty years old, I felt as though God was saying to me, "It's time." Once I understood what He meant, I realized that He was telling me that it was time to begin serving Him. Soon after, I started work on my Master's Degree in Theology, started this web-site, and let it be known to friends and family that as soon as I finish my studies, I will begin serving Him in whatever capacity He chooses. Perhaps I will be a pastor, maybe a writer, a missionary or a musician. He'll let me know when the time comes.

I look back on my twenties with sadness and shame. For ten years, I walked around in a fog, lost and alone. All of that time I could have been serving God, but now that time is gone forever. As I get older and see my ministry grow, I will always regret that time and all the work for Christ that never got done. I wrote a song not too long ago about that wasted time in my life:

Father please forgive me that I never knew your name
You had such love to give and I turned my back on you.
I never knew you.
Lord forgive me for the days that passed us by
And all the moments, all the times we could have shared.
Now if only, I could turn back time and have those days
I would serve you.
I would worship you.
I would fall down on my knees.
I would praise you, Lord
I would fall down at your feet,
And Worship you,
My Lord.

I am slowly starting to understand what happened and why, and perhaps I can say now that those ten years probably had to happen. I read two books by John Eldredge which have helped tremendously. He has helped me see that on those two occasions when I fell away from God and was overtaken by depression, it was the Devil who was attacking me in an attempt to take me out. The Devil knew that I was going to work hard for God and make a difference, and so he attacked me, wounded me and left me for dead. It was not until I cried out for Jesus that I was rescued and freed. Those ten years, and all the pain and loss seem like a waste, but perhaps I needed to suffer so that I could become the man I am today. I am so sorry for all pain I caused those around me during that time, and I pray for forgiveness.

That is what God has done for me - saved me, rescued me and redeemed me. I praise and thank Him. I will give my whole life to Him from now until my dying breath, but it will not be enough to pay back what He has given to me. Thank you, Jesus.