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There used to be a web site run by a Christian Pastor called AskPastorJim.org. It was Pastor Jim's calling to answer questions like this for young Christian couples. (Sadly, the site is no longer there).
I'm going to tell you what Pastor Jim said about this, since he was much more wise and experienced in this kind of counseling than I am. His answer (and I paraphrase) is that any kind of touching or activity, the purpose of which is to cause sexual feelings in your partner, would be considered sex. Jim asked the question, "why should just intercourse be considered sex?" Good question. That is what society has decreed, but there is no good reason to make that distinction.
I know this sounds very strict, but I think Pastor Jim was on the right track. If you want to follow this advice, then oral sex and sexual touching would be totally out of the question. Holding hands would be fine, as would kissing (but even this can cross the line). If your reaction is, "Come on, get real!" then I empathize with you. There is no way it would be easy to keep from crossing that line before marriage, but it can be done and it is a very worthy and holy thing for you both to undertake.
Let me give you some advice from the little bit of counseling I have done. You CANNOT go back to just kissing and holding hands unless both people agree one hundred percent. If one person wants to stop having "sex" and the other doesn't, the relationship will experience incredible stress to the point of breakup. Consider very seriously what you will do if both people do not agree completely.
I hope this helps - I bet it wasn't what you wanted to hear! Please let me know if there is anything else we can help with. You sound like a great couple who are earnestly seeking the Lord, and I wish the best for you.
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arsindelve-
11/30/2007 7:15:48 AM
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know one should have sex before marrage as your bodys become accostomed to this need and a good relationship should be cultivated without sexual desire forcing two to be together
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anonymous-
1/4/2008 7:17:35 PM
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