Hello, I am new here. I have been a Christian since I was 8 years old and I am 31. I have had Bipolar disorder since I was 6. God has used my disease tobring me close to Him and keep me close to Him. But I am very concerned about how Christians treat thementally ill. For example, I have done a search on this site about "mental illness" and found NOTHING. I also work with people, not on a professional level, but on a personal level, with mental illness and a lot of them are very turned off by Christianity because of how Christians treat them. They are accused of being possessed, told they need to become closer to to Christ (as a reason that they are sick), or just snubbed by the Christian community altogether. I have spent a number of years trying to help disinfranchised people know that God, CHRIST, loves them and that sometimes we, as Christians are not the best examples of Christ. We are not perfect...that is why we need a Savior.
So, what are your opinions about this. I take medicine and I have enjoyed the wonderful grace of God. He has provided me with doctors who have been awesome. I am able to use my illness to help others in my situation and my desire is to get rid of the stigma of mental illness in the church. I just want to bring people to Christ!
Don't get me wrong, I believe in demonic possession. But after casting Satan out and the issue is still there, then perhaps it is not a possession.
Thanks! I look forward to your responses!

Love In Christ,
Kim

solagratia- 1/10/2008 8:38:46 PM

Kim: Welcome to the site and to the discussion area! It's great to have you here. Please don't be discouraged that this site doesn't have any resources on mental illness yet. Please rest assured it's not a deliberate oversight. All of our content is user-contributed, and we've only been in operation for a few months, so I'm sure it will come in time.

One of our staff members has also battled mental illness for many years (bipolar disorder as well) so I will let him know about your post, and hopefully he will join the discussion if he feels comfortable doing so.

It's not a topic with which I am familiar, but I can tell that we have always tried to send out a message of love, support and inclusion whenever a brother or sister in Christ is struggling with any kind of issue. I hope you feel extremely welcome here, and we at Delve Ministries will do our best to understand this issue, and do what we can do to raise awareness of this issue in our ministry. God bless!

arsindelve- 1/10/2008 9:02:13 PM

Awesome! I look forward to the discussion!
Thank you for the welcome!!!!

In Christ,
Kim

solagratia- 1/10/2008 9:50:30 PM

Hi, Kim. I'm on the staff here at Delve Christian Ministries, and normally our job here is to provide answers, so it's awkward for me to admit that in this discussion, I can share my stories and talk about what it's been like (and empathize with you and what you're going through) but I really don't have any advice to give. I'm still trying to figure all this out myself.

I've had biploar disorder for about 15 years. Very few people know that about me. My wife knows, arsindelve knows and that's about it. (Well, it was, everyone knows now I guess.) People have always known something was wrong with me, though. Depending on their interactions with me, they must have either thought I was depressed, intense, cold or even moody. This disorder has affected every relationship I've ever had, especially and including my relationship with God. I'm extremely bad at sharing emotion consistently.

I have never taken medication, but I have had years of ineffective therapy and counseling. Now, I have a decision to make. My wife is convinced it's all an issue of spiritual warfare and I need prayer and deliverance. She wants me to see a Christian counselor who will deal with the spiritual aspect. I don't think so anymore - I just want to go back and see my psychiatrist and get medicated. But what if my wife is right? Will I be insulting God? Does it show a lack of faith to turn to medicine? Would God heal me without drugs if I just had enough faith? I need to know! I wish I could get the answer. And if I am just possessed by evil spirits, what does that say about me? What kind of person am I?

I also struggle with why God would allow me to suffer with this, but I guess almost everyone suffers with something - disease, addiction, etc.

I have never felt disenfranchised by other Christians, but I suppose that is because no one knows. How would they react if they knew? I'm not sure.

All I know is that I want it to end. I'm not ashamed of my disorder anymore. It's not my fault and I just want it to end so I can be the man God always intended, and fully serve Him with a healthy mind.

I hope I did not discourage you in any way, Kim. You have encouraged me, just knowing there is someone else out there who understands what I am going through...thanks.

marklang- 1/11/2008 9:33:45 PM

Hello! I am going to answer your message point by point if you do not mind...I just pulled a twelve hour night shift and I am sooooo tired!
So, here goes!

I've had biploar disorder for about 15 years. Very few people know that about me. My wife knows, arsindelve knows and that's about it. (Well, it was, everyone knows now I guess.) People have always known something was wrong with me, though. Depending on their interactions with me, they must have either thought I was depressed, intense, cold or even moody. This disorder has affected every relationship I've ever had, especially and including my relationship with God. I'm extremely bad at sharing emotion consistently.

Depressed, cold and moody...that about describes it doesn't it? I understand. Sometimes I just do not want to be around people because I am afraid I willsay something out of line when I am in a bad mood. They think I am not very nice or taking it out on them. Or they think I am just avoiding a subject for MY OWN sake. But what they do not understand is I HAVE to stop. I have to gather myself because before treatment, I could be very mean and hurt people badly by my words. That is not ME, and people do not understand that bipolar causes a total personality change in someone who is otherwise a very good person.

I have never taken medication, but I have had years of ineffective therapy and counseling. Now, I have a decision to make. My wife is convinced it's all an issue of spiritual warfare and I need prayer and deliverance. She wants me to see a Christian counselor who will deal with the spiritual aspect. I don't think so anymore - I just want to go back and see my psychiatrist and get medicated. But what if my wife is right? Will I be insulting God? Does it show a lack of faith to turn to medicine? Would God heal me without drugs if I just had enough faith? I need to know! I wish I could get the answer. And if I am just possessed by evil spirits, what does that say about me? What kind of person am I?

First of all, mental illness does not mean you are possessed. It means you are sick. As I mentioned before, the brain can get sick and there are chemicals and mechanisms in the brain that can malfunction. The fact that you have never tried meds before tells me (in my opinion) that you should talk to a doctor about it and seek his or her opinion about giving it a shot. I have found counseling AND meds to be best. A Christian therapist along with a good psychiatrist (who dispenses meds) may be a great start for you.
My experience was similar to yours in that I thought I was possessed. But it was pointed out to me that if you are saved (you must know Christ to cast out demons, right?) and you cast out the demons and they do not go away, then it must not be demons. That gave me great comfort. But also know this...demons can torment you, especially when you are weak. I prayed daily and I commanded Satan and his demons to leave me alone in the name of Jesus and by the authority He has givien me. It is good to do no matter what shape you are in. I like to stomp and tell them they are under my feet. But back to what I was saying, God led me to my doctor, I have no doubt. The meds I took worked okay, but I after a lot of prayer and asking God to heal me, I got his answer..."Not yet." I found out why I was still suffering. Keep in mind, this is while I was on meds..almost the exact same meds I am on today. Every time I was in my bad moods, I clung to Him. But when I got well, I strayed some. So he brought me back to a place where I needed him again. Duh...my bad moods. My desperate times. SO I finally "got it." And when I did, my meds started to work. But if I stop taking them at all, look out! So it is a combination of a lot of things. God gives us doctors to treat us. But he wants us to rely on Him, too. You are not insulting God by taking care of you body, your temple of the Holy Spirit. What good are you if your mental health is bad? After almost 5 years, I have gome to realize the "Not yet" answer from God is for a very good reason. I have been able to help so many people with this dreaded disease. I want to educate people about Bipolar and its stigma. I want Christians to know that they are loved by God and not hated just because they are sick. We still live on this earth that is run by Satan. We have diseases. So do not be afraid to seek the help you need.
I must warn you, it is not easy to all the time to find the right treatment for Bipolar. But when you find the right combo of meds, it is amazing how life becomes. Pray, read the Word, CLING to Christ through all this. Let my hard lessons teach you so you will not have to take as long as I did to find out what I was doing wrong.

I also struggle with why God would allow me to suffer with this, but I guess almost everyone suffers with something - disease, addiction, etc.

Bottom line...original sin. Sin has corrupted the world and this corruption has made disease get worse and worse through the ages. Also, Satan still is lord of this world. Jesus died for our sins and redeemed our souls if we so choose to accept it. But our bodies are not redeemed yet. We will get our glorified bodies after the rapture and we will be free of pain and suffering.

I have never felt disenfranchised by other Christians, but I suppose that is because no one knows. How would they react if they knew? I'm not sure.

Christians tend to think that anything to do with the brain is a spiritual matter automatically. Sometimes it is true and sometimes it is not. Is Alzheimers a demonic possession? I have been told to "Pray about it," and other things like "You need to be closer to Christ," "You need to think more positively," "What do you have to be depressed about?" etc. And then there are the ones who want to heal you because you have a demon. I just do not think that a demon can roam inside me where the Holy Spirit resides.

All I know is that I want it to end. I'm not ashamed of my disorder anymore. It's not my fault and I just want it to end so I can be the man God always intended, and fully serve Him with a healthy mind.

I have faith that you can do that. People think of meds as a bad thing...look at me as an example. I was in my own world, delusional, scared all the time, I wanted to die and I did not know why. I had panic attacks from the age of 9. And I was saved at age 8. Look what over 5 years of proper drug therapy and my recent start of counseling has done for me. It is a lifelong battle. Without the Lord, none of this would hae been possible. Yeah, I am pro medication...and I know there are som with bipolar who can function without it. But I have a mild form of bipolar, type II. So in a nutshell, you do not have to ofend God by taking advantage of the care He provides for us through doctors and medicine. You are correcting a problem, and it is often equated to diabetes...the imbalance of insulin producing cells in the pancreas verses the imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain. It is something that should be fixed.

I hope I did not discourage you in any way, Kim. You have encouraged me, just knowing there is someone else out there who understands what I am going through...thanks.

You have not discouraged me at all. I am here to help because I DO understand.

Sincerely in Christ,
Kim

solagratia- 1/13/2008 11:37:37 AM

I am so very grateful for your comments! You've reminded me of something that I should have known, which is that once we have given our lives over to the Lord, we cannot be possessed. I believe that. We can be tormented and attacked, but not possessed.

But the most important thing you've helped me see is that a disease like this is no different than any other. I would not think twice about getting help for diabetes or cancer. This, too, is an ailment in the body (not the soul). Why should I not get the same medical attention? It's so clear when you put it that way, but somehow, there is a stigma that mental illness is somehow different. I'm not going to buy into that anymore. I will go and see my doctor.

Thank you so much!

By the way, thanks to you, now there are some resources on mental illness on the site!

marklang- 1/14/2008 8:11:20 PM

Praise Jesus! It is hearing things like this that make me KNOW why I went through what I did and still do go through it and it is God's way of saying that He is using my illness to help others. I am grateful to him for making me better just so I can help others but keeping me close enough to it to understand what others go through. I give Him the glory for allowing me to have such understanding, even though sometimes I hate it.
Please keep us posted as to how you do. It will NOT be easy but do not give up and keep your eyes on Christ. You will be criticized for taking a pill "instead" of doing it with God's help, even though you ARE doing it with God's help, and people will tell you that you have no reason to be unhappy. Just remember that these people have no understanding as to what it is like to have this disease and they are not trying to be mean. But God knows and He is on your side!

God bless you on your difficult bu rewarding journey! I am cheering you on and you are in my prayers!

In Christ,
Kim

solagratia- 1/15/2008 12:25:27 PM

Hi Mark - Obviously you can get the best Chritian and personal advise from people like Kim and others more familiar with the struggle.
Certainly, I don't know you or your lifestyle, or how much work you've already done - but I offer a few general comments and hope they may help.

Consider trying the holistic approach - with your wife as your most valuable treatment asset. When the two of you become experts on bipolar, it is likely that she will be the first to recognize your triggers and will support you in the development and utilization of coping strategies. That scenario is much more productive for your marriage and consequently more effective for treating your bipolar disorder. Her knowing your illness and recognizing its symptoms will generate compassionate support from her (rather than blaming you for being something like an impossible jerk). If your wife is central in your treatment and you explicitly detail what is going on in your head (tuff for a man to pull off on a good day, but even more difficult when experiencing some symptoms) in frequent (daily?) conversations, you are likely to experience much relief plus a healthier marriage. The destructive impact mental illness can have on relationships may be its most debilitating feature. However, there is also immense hope if you do the work! While reading almost everything you can find on bipolar is imperative, Id skip over the dribble about relationship statistics you are not a statistic, you are ... (refer to the Christian stuff).

There is a lot of evidence indicating most people need an on-going medication regimen, but to medicate or not is an intensely personal issue. Shop for a clinician and psychiatrist you truly connect with. In my opinion, those who recognize the benefits of a holistic approach are also likely to be more humble and communicative (docs who are only about correcting your brain chemistry with meds are less likely to view you as an individual). A counseling tool often used with people (most likely to be from the SPMI crowd which is not you) who have been cycling on and off meds (impulsively discontinuing meds is commonplace during manic phases) is to lead them through discussions about when life was stable, as well as times when life fell apart and then guiding them into the realization that the difficult times correspond with the periods during which they were not properly medicated. Finding the right med and the right dosage is a tricky and a time-intensive venture. Many who tried meds, and now run from them, just did not encounter the right regimen for them. Study drug uses and side effects. Be cautious of docs who only treat with anti-depressants question their rationale (may not be up to date may lead to spurring manic episodes). There is a lot of hope for Lamictal (an anti-convulsive drug) due to fewer side effects. Many people who can intellectually discuss the benefits of a holistic approach cannot act on the other areas until they first receive the benefits of medication (someone who is too depressed to start exercise, or someone who is too manic to sleep well, etc.). Examine your self for co-existing medical issues also in need of treatment, so that they dont negatively impact your mental health treatment.

Consider the various forms of talk therapy and find the right therapist a comfortable match is imperative. You may want to consider attending a support group (or forming a Christian support group).

Exercise plays a substantial role in modulating brain chemistry. Some psychiatrists admit it may be as useful as medication (the two together may be best).

A balanced diet (garbage in, garbage out) is essential. Stick to the most basic (unprocessed) forms of food possible. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, white sugar and white flour. Look for foods with omega 3 fatty acids, taurine (an amino acid), B-vitamins and magnesium. All the popular miracle products, expensive supplements and herbs are likely to only waste your money (unless your mind affords you the ability to derive a psycho-somatic bounce from these variations of snake oil).

Lifestyle choices such as regular and sufficient sleeping patterns, pursuing leisure activities, and reducing stress are also vital components of the balancing act.

We will be praying for your success!

Ryan- 1/16/2008 5:15:59 PM

Great post Ryan! One thing my therapist is always nailing into my head is SLEEP! Bipolar is linked to an internal clock error and when you do not establish a healthy sleep pattern, you set yourself for a manic episode. THEN, the body goes into depression because it uses up its resourse during the manic episode. So sleep! Go to bed at the same time and wake up around the same time. Lower the lights in the house an hour before bedtime, put on some relaxing music, and do not stimulate your brain in that time. prepare to sleep. If you have sleep issues as I do, see your doctor. Melatonin is good too.
And I have done research on Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids. Get you fill of them. They help with aggression and memory issues. They hold the brain cells together literally. As bipolar patients, we have to eat extra Omega 3/6 (http://healthyplace.com is a great place to look for info on that...I have been a bad girl and have not been taking my optimal dose!), and they are available in suppliments, fish, flax seeds, Olive oil, etc.
You have to be your own advocate and research. I am so happy that my own doctor is very proactive and encourages me to research. I had to fire my first psych-doc because he was not.
And most important of all, take ALL things in prayer to God. Rejoice in the small victories and praise Him. But also praise Him when things are bad. Because in the bad times you WILL grow.
You will learn what your real moods are. I mean the difference your bipolar moods and your normal non-bipolar moods. I remember where I was when I first realized I had learned the difference on one occasion. I was so excited. But it is a hard thing to learn. And it is very helpful for you to learn when you are having a manic or depressive episode or if it is just a regular good or bad mood so that you are able to possibly cut it off at the pass. And as Ryan said, warn others, like your wife. My husband is also bi-polar so he won't listen. He wants to fight it out for some reason, but if he is not in a manic mood, he knows to let me leave the room and regroup.
The difference between me then, before treatment, and me now besides being able to function, is that I can argue without fighting. I can discuss without arguing. But, people have to understand, bipolar people will not stop getting mad at things. It is not the anger we have that makes us bipolar. It is the LEVEL of emotion and the inability to control it. I am very passionate and my meds and therapy just allow me to channel it now. It is awesome. Some people still cannot handle it. But that is okay. Like I am an Evangelical Christian and I will not apologize for it. I will not be in your face about it but I am bold. When I was not treated, I was judgmental, mean if I did not agree, and I just did not know how to deal with the anger I felt. I was angry all the time. Unless I was depressed. Then I could not talk to anyone. I am not so angry all the time, but I do have anger...I use it to be productive though. I am not angry over the same things anymore. I have learned forgiveness, compassion because of what I went through on my journey, and LOVE because Christ loved me when I suffered so much. My "spiritual whippin'," as I call it, saved my life. (I live in TN...even though I am from the north, I learned that lingo from a southern baptist preacher who married my hubby and me.)

Okay, gotta run! Those are my 2 cents. God bless you all!

Kim

solagratia- 1/16/2008 6:33:08 PM

Ryan, you mentioned caffeine, and I am starting to see a pattern. If I'm right, it plays a major role in triggering some pretty bad bouts of anger. Kim - is it just me, or have you experienced the same?

I think you must be right about sleep, too, though I have never put 2 and 2 together. If I look back now, I have gone through some really rough times after pulling an all-nighter. I try to sleep in the next night, thinking it will compensate, but it still seems to affect me. Thanks for the advice!

I am waiting to see a psychiatrist, and I think it will be a very long wait. Gotta love the socialized medicine in Canada! In the meantime, I need to find ways to cope on my own....

My wife has lost patience with me. Last night she said something that broke my heart - she said that she has given up on the dream of what she thought our marriage would be like. She's decided to break off the emotional connection with me until I get better. I guess it will be like a separation except we'll be in the same house. I have hurt her one too many times, and I did not get help soon enough. There has never been a greater failure in my life.

It's hard to talk about, since it just happened, but I really want you both to know how grateful I am for your advice and support. I am going to do whatever I have to in order to win her back and give her that dream back.

I will start to research more and help myself, as you said, Kim. I can't let her down anymore, or myself.

Thanks, guys.

marklang- 1/17/2008 7:22:34 AM

I am sorry to hear about you and your wife. I have experienced the hurt that bipolar can inflict on people and I have also been the one to inflict the same hurt. Like I said, my husband is bipolar. Our therapists are in the same group (same office) and mine suggested that the 4 of us get together in some of our sessions. I think that is a wonderful aidea and so does my husband. I am assumig his therapist will go for it as well. What I am getting at is, when you seek therapy, BRING YOUR WIFE. If she is interested in helping you and helping the marriage, she will come. Now, at first the therapist might need you to be there first. But Bipolar seriously affects everyone you care about and they need to see how it is dealt with. Also, I think you really should seek marriage counseling as well. The therapy for your bipolar is not marriage counseling. Yes, sociallized medicine sucks...I cringe at the thought that we might elect someone who wants to inflict that upon us hear in America (sorry to insert politics here!).
Caffeine is definitely a no-no. But I drink it. I avoid it sometimes when I feel hyped up. I am in treatment and so it is not so bad on me but I should not drink it at all. It can definitely cause mania. Try to drink decaf coffee and sodas, etc. (My hubby who is bipolar and should be drinking this as well, gets annoyed when I get him to by me caffeine free Mt. Dew or Coke!.) I drink sodas...not coffee so much. When I drink coffee, I can really feel it. But I only really drink coffee intentionally to get more energy on my night shift job (another no-no, by the way).

Speaking of night shift jobs, it is strongly suggested that a bipolar person never work third shift. Do you work third shift Mark? For me, I am at my best as a third-shifter. The reason it is suggested NOT to work nights is because it has something to do with the sun. If you sleep all day, you do not see the sun as much and the sun is important in producing seratonin in your brain. I have seasonal affective disorder because of the lack of daylight in the winter. I am just now getting over it. I celebrate winter solstice not because I am a pagan or anything, because, duh, I am NOT, but because it is the shortest day of the year and the days only get longer from that point forward! I just found out this year from my therapist that I have S.A.D. So next year, my prescribing shrink (yes, that is what I call her!) can help me medicine-wise to prepare for this time of year. Or get me a light box that I can look into for an hour a day to compensate for the sun. They work.

Sleep...you have to have a pattern. I am finally getting one. It is not great but I am a bit of an insomniac so I take Ambien sometimes. But I have not had to rely on it very much lately. Praise Jesus for that. I am on a new antidepressant called Lexapro and it has a wonderful side effect of helping me sleep. And it replaced Paxil, which I took for 13 years. I switched because Paxil made me gain wait. I have lost 14 pounds since Thanksgiving (since I stopped Paxil) and you would have thought I would have noticed a pattern! But I was on 80 mg of paxil. I am also on Topamax, which has a side effect of making you lose weight. That is my mood stabilizer (and it is good for migraines and it is used for seizures, as most mood stabilizers are). I do not eat much anyway, so I am dropping weight like crazy after the 10 lb plateau I hit for 2 weeks! The other med I am on is Wellbutrin. Three meds to control my bipolar disorder and also an anti anxiety med that I take as needed. Sounds like a lot, and it is. But my type of bipolar is Type II, not classic bipolar. I have rapid cycling, which is hard to control. I take a LOT of Topamax for that. But because my type of bipolar is heavy on the depression, and add the fact that the heavy dose of Topamax depresses as well, then the extra anti-depressants are needed. A lot of people, well, most people with bipolar take just a mood stabilizer and maybe a mild antidepressant. I also have general anxiety disorder on top of it all, so I have the Klonapin to help. God bless the people who invented these drugs and my doctors who helped me find the doses because I am so grateful for having my life back. I was a child when all this mess started for me. I remember very little of what being normal was like. At the age of 5 I remember thinking about what dying is like and being scared of it. I was in the hallway of my grandparents house and I can remember it so vividly. I then pushed it out of my mind by thinking, "I am just 5, that won't happen for a long time," and I continued running around the house. I always had that negative thinking and that "disaster" thinking. EVERYTHING scared me.

Now, I am becoming fearless...well, within rational limits. I have conquered so many childhood phobias. I give blood now because I was afraid of needles. I am in the John Casablancas Acting school because I was afraid to speak in front of people as a kid, I have flown and I sat in the window seat every time because I am afraid of heights, I even roofed with my ex-boyfriend's father's company years ago. I LOVE roller coasters now. So, yes, I am a fighter and you have to have that mentality before the drugs will help you. You have to obey God as well. I asked God to make me more bold not too long ago. He has answered my prayer...and it is scary. :)

Sorry for the verbal diarrhea. I am so pasionate about this subject. I will pray for God to give your wife understanding (I never pray for patience though because with patience comes suffering...). I will also pray for the red tape to be cut in Canada!

In Christ,
Kim

solagratia- 1/17/2008 9:50:53 AM

Mark - this is very sad for both of you - both in so much pain and no way to comfort each other when you need each other the most. As a man, of course youd like to hand your wife the whole dream. However, Im told slowly building the dream together is more satisfying in the long term. Don't give up on hope she'll return to building your dreams together when you've both had time to heal. Both broken hearts will heal. Women have such an amazing capacity for compassion and self-less service (maybe the traits which drew you to her originally?). I would bet (are we allowed to do that?) she is the type of woman who would provide endless care for you if you were debilitated by something like cancer. Any type of serious illness would exact a substantial toll on the toughest care giver. I still believe she can be your strongest treatment asset when she learns about your illness. Spouses often go through parallel processes, and perhaps you can learn more about her sufferings and thereby return to being her greatest asset for what ever her needs may be.
Beside hope, you can still do a lot to foster the healing progression. When one is processing so much pain, it sure must be difficult to contemplate an overload of help being pushed by strangers, but wait, there's more (at least you can hit delete if it gets to be too much):
You have so much motivation to get better - the pain and the distressed relationships can't be for naught. You can rapidly become an expert on bipolar, which is not to hard to do with the internet. Oh Canada! I hope you can get to a doctor quickly - there must be psychiatrists practicing outside of the system, who would have more availability. In the U.S. many PCP's will prescribe psych. drugs when they see their patients are suffering and can't get to a psychiatrist for all of the usual reasons. I would assume this would be true in Canada as well. If you have more immediate access to your primary care physician, and went armed with information about the type of treatment you are seeking (again, watch out for a regimen consisting only of anti-depressants mood stabilizers may be better), perhaps you can get some relief until you see a psychiatrist.
Many people have told me they treat their bipolar by being in tune with their symptoms and implementing their coping strategies as the triggers arise. Although these people have attained some degree of mastery over their lives I still think most of them would have been better served by also perusing medication. Regardless, the most perfect med is not going to cure you, just relieve your symptoms so you can better manage your life. You still need to develop coping strategies - with or without meds. On the web you can examine coping strategies which work for others. Please consider exercise as an imperative, along with diet, healthy sleep patterns and good old fun. Perhaps you already take good care of your self and dont need advice, but on the other hand if you are encumbered by depression and can't implement some healthy habits, try a quick study of Reality Therapy. On a front-wheel-drive car without power steering (old analogy), the front wheels are Thinking and Acting and they steer where the rear wheels, Feeling and Physiology go. With some degree of muscle, you have to do the right thinking and take specefic actions in order to heal your emotions and body.
I hope you and your wife find some peace tonight and more tomorrow!

Ryan- 1/17/2008 8:04:06 PM

Well i just wanted to add a few things here .. I dont have bipolar but seems like all my friends do. I believe that yes God can and will do all types of healing , and yes he does bless and anoint the dr's who do the diagnosis on people. But what i do want to add is there is a difference between possession and oppression do i believe christians can be possessed NO, but can we be oppressed YES oppression is the presence around us as where posessiion is them inside of us.. WHen we accept Jesus as our lord and savior we then have authority in Christ to cast them out and trample all over them.. Here is my theory us christians who do suffer with depression or bipolar we are awesome prayer warriors for others but when it comes down to praying for ourselves we kinda fail .. I would encourage others that are born again believers to surround themself around those that deal with depression and so on because they need prayer support . well i dont know if any of this made any sense as i just wrote as i was led.. iam new here too and hope to hear from more of you would love more christian friends.. God bless carrie

carrie_wilson- 1/29/2008 8:27:40 AM

You made perfect sense and I assure you that in my worst times, I had prayers from my church, prayers from my loved ones, friends, etc. I cast the Enemy and his demons away from me, even the ones tormenting me. Like I said before, people who do not go through it do not have a total understanding of what it is like and I do not wish they did. But they think that they can explain it away by saying that we are possessed or even tormented (and yes I have had that issue of being tormented but I think when I am weak from my Bipolar does that become a problem). We have all been tormented by the Enemy as Christians and I recognize it and deal with it as the Bible says.

Illness is another story and is something we must all deal with as a part of being in this broken world. Mentally ill people have a hard time telling their Christian friends that they are mentally ill because people do not understand and think that we are simply dealing with the Enemy. So everyone with an illness is dealing with the Enemy? It tires me and I have been through all of this in my own mind and with my own fellow Christians. I have prayed about it and I have a very good relationship with Christ and I know that my illness is an illness. But I praise Christ that it helped me become closer to Him.

Kim

solagratia- 1/29/2008 11:06:27 AM

It's so hard to know if, as Christians, we place too much or not enough emphasis on spiritual warfare. I am reading John Elridge's book "Waking The Dead" and in the first few chapters, he really hammers home the idea of the world as a battlefield, and seems to want to promote the idea that our inability to achieve the perfect, amazing life Christ promises is because of this war in which Christ will eventually be victorious. I have to keep reading before I will decide what I think, but I am becoming very fond of the idea that there a spiritual element to many of our struggles - NOT possession, but oppression, as Carrie says.

arsindelve- 1/29/2008 7:20:04 PM

I just thought I would update everyone, since there has been many new developments, good and bad.


GOOD: In what is surely a miracle and completely unprecedented in socialized medicine, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. I was fully expecting to have to wait more than 6 months!

BAD: The counselor whom I liked so much had to cancel my next appointment because his wife had a serious accident. It may be a long time before I see him again, but more importantly, I would ask you to join me in praying for her well-being.

GOOD: Things are much better with my wife. We feel like everything is out in the open and we're not hiding the issues anymore. It may take months and years, but I believe we will be stronger than ever.

BAD: I've been laid off from my job (my work with DCMI is part-time and voluntary - I still had a full-time day job). So, that is complicating things.

GOOD: For the first time in a long time, I can really feel God working in my life. I can feel His presence and His love in a very small, way, like the bud of a soon to be beautiful flower.

Thanks everyone for you constant encouragement and support. I'll let you know how things progress.

marklang- 2/8/2008 8:46:12 AM

Hi Mark - thanks for sharing this news. I think the good far outweighs the bad! If you feel God moving in your life, you see hope for improvement for each of these events in both the good and bad categories. I like the budding flower analogy, but I'm praying it will turn into a wild flower meadow. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to pray for these specific needs.

Ryan- 2/8/2008 9:02:54 AM

First of all, I would like to apologize to everyone, particularly, Carrie, for my last message. I am really sorry about how that was expressed. At the time it was written, I was going through a period of mania and my anger was getting the best of me. I was wrong to approach your kind words and your obvious care for us in that way. I am sorry...I hope I did not shut you down. I am not usually like this. Without going into detail, unless it is asked of me, I had a bad month and it is complicated by Seasonal Affective Disorder and a change in my meds, all at the same time. What a mess. I take responsibility. I always do. I am not a child. I am not crazy. I have mood issues and I usually am in control of them...my moods, that is. It took a long time to get to that point, but with the help of God and lots of love and prayer...not to mention the meds that pushed me over that hump that allows me to see things in a rational way, I would not be able to think in a rational way. All of these things together...brought together by God for my benefit...and HIS. They have made me the Warrior for Him that I am. The advocate for the mentally ill that I want to become. Meds are not all of it for me. Without CHrist, I am NOTHING. If you fully rely on the meds, well, you are going to get what you pay for. If you fully rely on Christ (and He led me to find the wonderful doctors I have that help FIX the problem I have in my mind) to take care of these things, well, things are so much easier. I owe Him everything!
This last bought with depression, which I am not yet through, is so hard. Christ pushes me to my limits and I wonder why. But I come out so strong and I come out on the other end knowing HE is the one in charge, not me.
I come out of the other side of depression seeing things in such a new and wonderful way. No one who has been through depression can appreciate the beauty of the smallest good mood. The smallest pleasure, like the sun coming up, makes me happy. You appreciate the small plessures in life when that pleasure button does not work properly...and no matter what you do to enjoy yourself, nothing works.
My life with bipolar. Yeah, it is a lot. But Christ sees me through even when it seems (SEEMS) impossible.
Thank you for being patient.

And Mark...Appreciate the good things. When you are down, the bad seems to overtake the good. But seek God in all of the things, good and bad. Do not let anything pass your prayer life by. This is my biggest mistake. Just because you may need meds, it does not mean you are NOT relying on God. It allows us to be in the state of mind to rationally make decisions. And to decide to be close to Him. Our minds are a battlefield, YES. And it can be a scary place when our minds are also sick. The Enemy takes advantage of the illnesses we suffer. You are in my prayers.

Kim

solagratia- 2/8/2008 2:08:01 PM

Something happened this week that has really thrown me for a loop. I finally got in to see the psychiatrist, and in her professional opinion, I do not have bi-polar (she disagrees with the previous diagnosis). She has declined to give me any medication, and suggests that I just need therapy.

Now, most people would be happy with this news - to hear they are not "crazy". But I don't feel that way. In a weird way, I wanted to have a mental illness. For one thing, I wanted to be able to blame all my problems on "brain chemistry". I did not want to have to face the idea that everything I've done to myself and others is all my fault. Also, if I have bad brain chemistry, then I can just take drugs and get all better. But how do I fix this? I took two years of therapy and it did not help. If this is just a behavior problem, how do I change who I am? Getting the right prescription was my last hope.

I'm scared and disappointed. I am not giving up, and I have a lot of faith and confidence in this new counselor, but I feel like this is the same old road I've gone down for 15 years.

I covet your prayers and advice.

marklang- 2/18/2008 8:54:39 PM

I am concerned as well. The first doctor said you have it, now this one says no. I would seek another opinion to be on the safe side. Bipolar can be treated without meds, though it is rare. Often bipolar type 2, which I have, is misdiagnosed for years and if you have mild manic episodes that seem like anxiety and rage, then you may have what I have. It lasts for a short time, but it is still destructive. They have begun calling it Soft Bipolar lately, but the technical term is Bipolar Affective Disorder Type II. The depression is sometimes really intense. Do you find yourself really productive, like staying up at night cleaning or doing work and you know you should be sleeping...and this occurs days on end (and you cannot control it)? Do you get easily angered during these times, like you have a short fuse, but also during these times you feel happier than usual...you know kind of high and on top of the world? And then after these times pass, do you kind of sink into a depression? Do you have a really bad sleep cycle? You need to tell all this stuff to the doctor. Research Bipolar type II and seek a second opinion. I am able to use less meds now than when I first began treatment because the meds helped me alter my behavior and learn new habits, and my therapy is great as well. And as far as Christ goes...without Him, none of it would be possible. But my advice is pretty much physiological right now. Not everyone who thinks they are BP are, but with 2 conflicting diagnoses, I would seek another opinion and do not leave anything out. Ask about BP Type II. It is very overlooked...I had to check into the hospital to find out I had it. And mention Hypomania (mild mania). And YES, seek counseling. Very important. I just started last year and I regret not starting sooner.

You are in my prayers. You know I have been there Mark. You can email me privately if you need advice. God has allowed me to have this disease to help others, regardless of what others say about mental illness and being a Christian. God uses all things together for His glory (I know I did not quote that perfectly) and I will glorify Him even with this disease.

I am here and I am praying. I feel your frustration and I am sorry you are going through it. Keep your eyes on Christ and He will lead you to the help you need. You are not alone.

In Christ,
Kim

solagratia- 2/19/2008 3:34:40 AM

Hi Kim and Everyone.
Hang in there, the Lord is with you.
I was wondering if anyone else in your family suffers from Bi-Polar, or Depression? It runs in my family. My Dad has Bi-Polar, my two Sisters and I had Depression. (Actually, the Lord totally Healed me of Severe Depression!) I also had Uncles who had horrible Depression.
My best friend also had Bi-Polar, the Lord healed her, and she has been off her meds now for over a year!!! I will be praying for you!
God bless you and stay in the Word. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ!
"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" 2 Corinthians 10:5

Ignited~Faith- 3/18/2008 12:22:29 AM

When I prayed for my healing, I was lead to Paul's afliction with the "thorn in his flesh"....

2 Cor. 12:6-10:
6 If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I wont do it, because I dont want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, 7 even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 Thats why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I too asked God to take away my Bipolar. But the answer was "Not Yet." I have been able to help so many people because of this disease. He is not done with me yet. The disease is sometimes a curse to me, but when I can help others with it, it is a blessing as well. And if God did not take away Paul's affliction for those reasons, then I am okay with God's sovereignity in deciding to let me deal with this disease a litle bbit longer. I have learned a lot of the things God wants me to be as a Christian because of this Bipolar...

Galations 5:22-23:
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Without Bipolar, I am not sure I would have the compassion I have now. I would not be strong like I am now. I have become close to Christ because of Bipolar. He uses it for good, you know.

To answer your question about if it was passed on, yes. My mom is an undiagnosed bipolar in denial. My sister is the same. My paternal grandmother had panic attacks and took meds. I started out with panic attacks at age 9 and my parents did NOTHING for me. I learned forgiveness in that experience. I grew up taking care of my own mental health, and praise the Lord I never self-medicated. My parents were very good about teaching us to say no to drugs. But I was dying inside and I when I finally told my doctor about the panic attacks at age 16, my mom ridculed me. And then at age 19, I saw a counselor at my college and she freaked out because she was afraid the counselor would tell me how bad a mother she was. But who cares that I was suffering, right? I was literally afraid to eat at one point in my childhood because I felt like I was choking when I ate. It was acid reflux, but it caused panic attacks. My mom called the attacks my "spells" and ridiculed me.
I am now on meds and properly diagnosed. I am also in therapy and we are making breakthroughs that might help me use less medicine. Seems like I need to get to know myself a bit more. I spent my whole life trying to survive, that I do not know Kim!

Anyway, that is it in a huge nutshell! Praise Christ for being by my side the entire time because without Him, I would be dead. When I lost ability to be rational, I somehow was protected. Never wanted to kill myself even when I wanted to die.

Depression is inexplicable to those who have not experienced it. I am talking the clinical type where there is no outside reason for the sadness. Nobody died, nothing bad happened. It is just the same reaction in your mind as if those things did happen and you cannot snap out of it. You have to wait it out or find a med that will push you out of the hole enough so you can climb out. And Christ was up there pulling me out every time. Every time it gets easier. But it feels so horrible. It really is tiring.

I will let God finish His work with me in this mess called Bipolar. I will Pray Until Something Happens...but if God's Will continues to be to use me and my disease to help others who are mentally ill come to know Him, then that is fine with me.

Kim :)

solagratia- 3/18/2008 1:25:44 AM

Kim,
You said:
"Seems like I need to get to know myself a bit more. I spent my whole life trying to survive, that I do not know Kim!..."
--------------------------------------------
I used to feel that way too. Can I offer a suggestion? Take your eyes off of yourself. Focus on the Lord. Pray to know Christ better. Search the Scriptures. In finding out more about Jesus, you will see yourself as God sees you. Surrender all to Him, read His Word, Obey His Word, and see your Character begin to reflect Him more and more. God can even teach you great lessons through the sufferings of Bi-Polar. (The lessons I have learned through suffering with Severe Depression are priceless!)
(I also believe that He can heal you! Trust Him! His timing is Perfect!!!) God's best blessings to you.

Ignited~Faith- 3/18/2008 1:47:19 PM

Thanks...I agree with you. The Lord has been showing me how to do that these past 5 years of healing. I am reading Breaking Free by Beth Moore....I did a Bible study on it a few years ago but was on the butt end of it and missed most of it. I completely agree that keeping focused on the Lord is critical. When I take my eyes off of Him, bad things happen in my life.

What I mean by getting to know myself is, I always had to fend for myself with Bipolar because my mom never took me to the doctor. I had to tell the doctor mys