Anyone in this situation?

cindy111- 11/22/2007 4:25:20 PM

I personally was in a relationship with someone with strong addictions. It was devastating on my self-esteem and my energy. I felt like I was in a hopeless situation and my church, while well-meaning, advised me to stay for the sake of my girls. I finally had to leave with my girls--it was unsafe, I was scared often for the well-being of them and myself and I could not condone his behavior any longer. By staying, it was almost like I was feeding into it and silently accepting it. The separation was the best thing for myself and the girls. It gave me years to really watch to see if his promises to change would work. Unfortunately for me, the changes did not happen and he continued in his addictive ways. However, it was apart from the girls and I and they could see that this behavior was wrong--the person was not wrong--but the behavior was. In the end, while the changes never happened, I changed and moved on and was able to become stronger for it.
I hope this helps--I also responded to your prayer request (I think that might have been your post?) I will continue to pray for you. Please know that you are not alone and that there are others who truly understand how devastating it is to see the person that you loved turn out this way and destroy their life bit by bit. Addictions are a dangerous slide that you should not feel in any way responsible for.
You can forgive--because that means that through God's grace you are able to say "I realize that you are hurting me without meaning to and I choose to not be bitter over it." Forgiveness, though, does not mean allowing someone to hurt you time and time again--there is a difference between the two.
All the best....God will help you get through this and you will get answers--just take it one step at a time.

joypauline- 11/23/2007 9:15:50 AM

I have a sister who has opposed me, mocked me, used me for financial gain, and other things. Though I chose to forgive her, and still do love her, I have left her 5 times due to her treatment of me. She chooses to see the worst about me, and blames me for things that were not of my doing. She won't take responsibility for the harm she has done me, and is definitely in denial. I pray to the Lord and ask him to deliver me from the oppression of others, including my sister. I have asked him to change the way my sister is, and to lead her into a relationship with Jesus. I am really frustrated about all that has happened and her refusal to stop being so careless in her treatment of me. It has been very painful for me. No!! Do not allow someone to keep on abusing you!! Get away from the situation as soon as possible. Pray for me. It has been a long, painful, battle and I am weary of fighting and coming up for air.

Sarah- 3/14/2008 9:32:29 PM

Maybe I am not the right person to respond to this, but anyway. My dad was a Christian. He was tangled up into addictive behavior. He was in and out of this addictive behavior for a long long time. My mom prayed and prayed for him, she also threatened to leave him many times. He went to counselors at our church and classes at our church. Still, he would fall. She remained faithful though, it was really hard, on all of us, especially her and me, because i was the eldest and knew about all of it, but God pulled us through. And I am happy to say that he is now free and has been for pretty long time from his addictive behavior and our home is not broken. God can do anything. I don't fully know your situation, but if your husband is willing to hand this addiction over to God, then give him a chance. Change doesn't happen over night, and we are humans and we do fall back into our old habits, but God is strong and God is faithful and he can work miracles, if we let him. But if your husband is not willing to hand this over to God, or at least try to take steps in that direction, then well, i don't know, but that is a dangerous place for you. It's not really my place to say what to do, but pray. Pray for God's wisdom!

blackbox- 6/7/2008 1:06:07 AM

I agree with blackbox. Pray and seek God's wisdom. We know that Jesus taught forgiveness over and over and we know that God forgives us over and over. But, this may be a dangerous position to be in, I don't know. Cover yourself and children (if you have them) with the blood of Jesus for protection, either way.

mrspiggy- 6/12/2008 12:36:36 PM