Dealing With Difficult Trials - Part 4
By
Steve Miller, Founder of Legacy Youth Ministry Resources
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Note from Delve Christian Ministries: This series was authored by Steve Miller of Legacy Youth Ministry Resources, and was originally written as a lecture series for youth pastors. We are extremely grateful to Steve for allowing us to offer this series on Delve Into Jesus
Introduction
We're in the middle of a series of articles which I call, "Mastering Your Circumstances Before They Master You." We've said that although most people live a roller-coaster existence, where when your girlfriend likes you, your parents do what you want, and your classes are easy, you experience the high part of the ride. But when your girlfriend dumps you, your teachers pile on the work, and your parents are on your case, your exuberance for life gets disappears as the coaster hits a low point. How can we get off the roller coaster and find a joy, peace and contentment that will last through the highs and the lows? That's what this series is all about.
So the first part of our series dealt with preparation for life's fires. Now we begin part two, where the heat is on and we've got to respond. Most people wilt when the heat is on. You know them. You see them every day at school. You can see it on their faces: bitter scowls that show their anger at God and the world. Others close themselves off to themselves and sulk. Still others sink into depression.
But occasionally you run across a person who's different. Like Ron, the person Steve met at the ski retreat, who seemed to somehow live above his circumstances. Someone who, sure, cries during grief and is not out of touch with his emotions, but somehow is not ruled by his emotions. Those who find the secret that Ron felt become contagious. People desperately want what they've got.
Let's ask God for help as we try to learn a radical response to life's fires.
II. Learn A Radical Response
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (Jms. 1:2-4; cr. 1 Pet. 4:12-13)
If you caught what James was saying, you see how radical this response it. When hard times hit you in the face, James tell us, then "consider it pure joy." Wow! But how can we get from being whiners and complainers to being a rejoicers? Here's how
A. Ask God For Help
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."(Phil. 4:6-7)
Christian Psychologist James Dobson had a heart attack which left him alone in an eerie Cardiac Care Unit. At first, God gave him what he describes as "an inexplicable peace," but at a later time, anxiety took over. He prayed, "Lord, you know where I am right now. And you know that I am upset and very lonely. Would you send someone who can help me?" Soon, Dr. Jack Hayford, a pastor from the other side of Los Angeles, walked in. "Why did you come to see me today?" asked Dobson. "Because the Lord told me you were lonely," replied Hayford. (Dobson, pp., 130,131)
When I pray about troubles, He will either take them away, like the miraculous healings in the Bible, or give us the grace to handle it, like Paul with his thorn in the flesh. And remember, He works on His time frame, not ours.
Let's go ahead and put this into action. Think of the hard times that are trying to get you down. Now, let's bow our heads and silently ask God's help to deal with something that's too hard for us to handle on our own.
B. Take The Load Off
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."(1 Pet. 5:7; 1 Peter 2:23; cr. Ps. 91:1-4; Ps 55:22; Ps 31:5; Lk. 23:46; 1 Pet. 4:19)
Sometimes you can pray about a problem, but still carry the burden around with you. God wants to carry our loads for us. But how do hand the load over?
Close your eyes. Now see yourself gathering up all your cares, the problems that are pressing the heaviest on you. Your problems at home. Your friendship troubles. Your bad health. Your overwhelming sense of loss. Now, place them in a sturdy box, tape it shut, then tie it up securely, like you're gonna mail it overseas. As you pick it up, you realize how incredibly heavy it is. But just now, Jesus appears in the room, walking toward you with His powerful arms stretched out toward the box. For a moment, you cling to the box, but as it gets heavier and heavier, you finally hand it to Him. He takes it away with ease. Now, do you feel as light as air as He takes the burden away with Him?
If your problems are more than you can handle, then you're in a great position to let go and let God take over. After all, without Him, we can do nothing (Jn. 15:5), but through Him we can do all things (Phil. 4:13).
We don't know whether God will take the trial away or give us the grace to handle it. But either way, we can have His peace. If you're facing the heat, you may find yourself daily taking back the burden, and reminding yourself to cast it back on Him.
C. Resist Bitterness
You can't be both bitter and happy. Bitterness can eat you alive.
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When Jim Conway saw his daughter go through the amputation of her leg, he struggled with anger. But according to Conway, "Probably the most important thing I learned in this entire process is this: I became deeply aware that there were only two choices that I could make. One was to continue in my anger at God and follow the path of despair I was on. The other choice was to let God be God, and somehow say, 'I don't know how all this fits together. I don't understand the reasons for it. I'm not even going to ask for the explanation. I've chosen to accept the fact that You are God and I'm the servant, instead of the other way around.' And there I left it." (Dobson, p. 88)
You can't be a free agent here on earth. You must serve someone. If you turn on God, you serve the devil (2 Cor. 4:4) And though people sometimes question God's goodness because of certain things He allows, we dare not leave Him and side with the devil, whom we know to be a liar and murderer from the beginning. At some point we have to realize what the disciples realized when many were turning away from following Jesus. He asked, "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Peter responded, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (Jn. 6:67-68)
Don't make a judgment till all the evidence is in. Remember, one day you'll be saying, "Of course."
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2. Directed at People
"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 'He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.' When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." (1 Pet. 2:21-23; cr. Rom. 12:19)
Corrie ten Boom miraculously survived Ravensbruck, one of Hitler's death camps. After the war, she started a home in Holland to help people recover from the trauma inflicted upon them by the Nazis. What she found was that those who were willing to forgive their tormentors could go on to rebuild their lives. But those who refused to forgive, hanging onto their bitterness, remained emotionally crippled.
But at a speaking engagement in Munich, Corrie was challenged to apply her own teaching on a new level. After the service, her blood ran cold as she recognized a man walking toward her. He was one of her former guards from Ravensbrook and not just any guard, but one of the cruelest guards. Suddenly, the horrid memories flooded her mind.
"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he said, "I was a guard there." Corrie realized that he didn't remember her, only one of the thousands of prisoners. "But since that time I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear from your lips as well. Fraulein," and he put out his hand, "will you forgive me?"
Corrie just stood there, as she put it, with a "coldness clutching my heart." But she knew that forgiveness was an act of the will, not just of the heart. So she silently called out for Jesus' help, and prayed, "I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling."
"And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bring tears to my eyes.
"I forgive you, brother," I cried. "With all my heart."
"For a long moment we grasped each other's hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God's love so intensely, as I did then. But even so, I realized it was not my love. I had tried, and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit as recorded in Romans 5:5, 'because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." (Corrie ten Boom, Tramp for the Lord (Old Tappan, N.J.: Revell, 1976), pp. 53-55.
Odds are that some of you are bitter at someone, maybe a lot of people. You think Sherri ruined your life because she stole your boyfriend. But do you really think that God is pacing the golden streets of heaven, repeating, "Oh no, I can't believe that Sherri did that! Now how will I ever get that boyfriend back to the right partner?!" Don't you see? If that's the person for you, then nothing in heaven or earth will ultimately keep you apart. If that's not the person for you, then God's got something better for you. So don't sweat it. And ask God to help you drop the bitterness.
Listen, mere mortals can't frustrate God's plan for your life. Don't act like they have that power.
Conclusion
Do you struggle with Corrie's feelings, knowing you ought to forgive, but lacking the power and the feeling? Ask God for help. Ask Him to give you the want to. Just take the first step, and trust Him to take care of the rest.
In conclusion, I want to give you a moment to deal with God on this issue that Corrie did. Talk to him about those people you hate for what they've done to do. It may be a parent that deserted you or a friend that betrayed you. I know, I know that it hurts. And I know that they probably don't deserve your forgiveness. But if you don't deal with your bitterness, it will eat you alive.
First of all, if everything inside you is screaming at you to not forgive that person, ask God for the power to forgive. Admit to Him that you don't want to forgive. He knows what you feel, so you might as well talk to Him about it. Tell Him that you need His strength.
Second, just silently get the words out to Him. You may want to repeat silently after me, a phrase at a time. "God, I thank you that you forgave me when all I deserved was hell. Give me the strength to follow Your example. God, I forgive him or her. Amen."
Now you will probably find the bitterness creeping into your heart day after day. But when you feel it boiling up inside, whether it's at your locker at school or at the supper table, immediately ask God for strength, and silently repeat your attitude of forgiveness to Him. If you do, God can set you free.
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Comments
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Excellent! I'm finding that I need to shed bitterness and forgive those who are hurting me daily. Its a moment by moment thing. Praise God that he's still by my side.
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8/25/2007 12:21:38 AM
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tyoung0168, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/24/2007
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"Lord, you know where I am right now. And you know that I am upset and very lonely. Would you send someone who can help me?" Soon, Dr. Jack Hayford, a pastor from the other side of Los Angeles, walked in. "Why did you come to see me today?" asked Dobson. "Because the Lord told me you were lonely," replied Hayford."
Doesn't seem to happen to me or to people I know.
Are Dobson and people like him special? Does God treat them differently because they are "good, obedient Christians". Are these answers to prayers rewards??
davec
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10/11/2007 3:52:46 PM
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davec, Member of Delve into Jesus since 10/9/2007
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Responding to davec above:
I certainly don't see things like that as a regular part of my life, although I have had some pretty remarkable things happen. I remember once when we were low on money and God brought in the exact amount we needed, from a source we weren't expecting, and hadn't told anyone of our need. My wife has also had some pretty remarkable things happen.
I write those things down so that I won't forget during the normal, not-so-miraculous times. Sometimes God delivers His people from prison. Sometimes he lets them die in jail. Sometimes he brings in money. Sometimes I have to get more jobs. I hear some miraculous stories of healing, but we prayed for my wife to be healed and she died.
One verse speaks of the fervent prayer of a righteous man accomplishing much, but even among the righteous I don't see the really wild answers on a regular basis.
Steve Miller
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10/11/2007 7:03:18 PM
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Steve Miller
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Does sound a bit like one might believe in the National Lottery ... will we win? ... will it be a big amount or a little amount or do we invest in tickets all our life and get nothing in return? (I'm thinking spiritual blessing here, not material )
We know the lottery organisers are there, but there seems little compassion or concern on their part about who wins.
We can keep buying lottery tickets because we know the lottery exists ... is that what prayer is then?
What happened to the grain of faith moving mountains? ... one of those "non-literal" statements which confuse so many Christians.
davec
PS I'm not nearly so bitter as I might sound ... just searching for answers!!
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10/12/2007 3:07:10 AM
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davec, Member of Delve into Jesus since 10/9/2007
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I'm stuggling with divorce. My husband had an affair after 19 years of marriage. I wanted to work it out and we tried a little. He gave up saying he needs more excitement and passion in his life. We have 3 children, one of which is special needs. I'm angry and I don't want to be. I stuggle with the accusations that I am the cause of his falling out of love and finding someone else to fill his needs. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at him for running off and not expressing to me that we had a serious problem. I thought we were ok...not great, but OK.
I will pray, but this is sooooo difficult. I need constant reinforcers that I should be giving this to God. I think I like being angry and bitter sometimes, because it's the only emotion I have right now.
Part 4 is helpful with this trial and I have taken notes and will pray and try and not give up.
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3/17/2008 1:56:08 PM
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anonymous
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Concerning "Davec," two comments above, I'm not one of those who claims to experience a miracle a minute, but I have had several things happen which are best explained by the existence of a powerful, smart, caring God.
I recall once when I needed a very specific amount of money to meet our basic needs. I was a youth minister, making very little money. That same day, I received a check in the mail for the exact amount needed, from someone who'd never sent money before and who wasn't aware of the need.
My wife had something similar happen after a difficult divorce and the ex refused to pay anything. She needed thousands of dollars to keep her house and her full-time job wasn't enough. Out of the blue, with no idea of her need, a ministry calls, wanting her to write a leader's guide for them. The amount they offered was exactly (to the penny) what she needed!
Again, these are the two most dramatic things I remember from my life. (Also, after a good bit of reading on the complexity of even the simplest cells, I find it more rational to believe in the hand of a Creator starting life than blind forces.) I've also known people whom I trust, who've told me of miraculous instances in their own lives.
Now at other times I pray and pray and sense nothing. But having seen God work in my life and others reassures me that those times of silence must mean either "No," or "Later." But those "not hear anything back" experiences are consistent with Scripture as well, since we see the Psalmist often wondering if God's gone on vacation.
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3/17/2008 2:42:16 PM
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anonymous
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Concerning "Anonymous," I think your anger is pretty consistent with the horrid betrayal you've suffered. Can't really imagine what you're going through. Sure, I've been through the death of a spouse, but my wife never betrayed me. That's an entirely different type of emotion.
The Bible once speaks of "be angry, yet do not sin." We find God being angry at unrighteousness and Jesus being angry at hypocritical worship around the temple (ever get so angry you want to rearrange the furniture like He did?).
In the midst of a betrayal of that magnitude, much like at a time of loss through death, so much "advice" seems trivial and irrelevant. It's not like someone can say a couple of sentences and you can reply, "Cool, now I'm okay with my husband cheating on me." It's not okay. It stinks.
But sometimes it helps to know that others have been through similar betrayals and come out the other side over time. They grew from it. They're more able to help other's who've experienced it. As I recall, the people in our church who lead classes for the divorced, went through their own experiences with betrayal by a spouse.
There seems to be a high road and low road that people take. Some choose to hold on to the bitterness, blaming themselves, blaming their spouse, blaming God. Others go through the normal grief and anger, but then decide to go on with life, getting help from others who've been there and finally committing themselves to help others who are there. I'm praying today that you'll find the comfort of others who've been there and follow that higher road to the life that God's given me, years after the death of my spouse.
Steve
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3/17/2008 2:55:01 PM
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anonymous
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Thank you Steve, for the encouragement. I have been reading these articles and cutting and pasting those parts which I think will help me heal and be a better person during this long process.
When I think of God's plan, this is a no brainer to leave the bitterness and move on, but that is not always the way my head always works.
In less than an hour, I will be leaving work to meet with my husband and the lawyers to work on the distribution of property. It has not been pretty so far and there has been a lot of fighting. I need spiritual guidance on how to handle this. I want to make sure my financial future with my children is secure, but I don't want to roll over and be taken advantage of, either. I struggle with this greatly. I know God will provide, but do I not fight for what is right?
Mary Beth
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3/18/2008 2:19:40 PM
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anonymous
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Although God asks us to forgive, it doesn't mean that we also must cease fighting for justice. You have a responsibility to plan wisely for your future and for the future of your children. It's hard to care for your children and parents and others without money. So I'd recommend getting plenty of wise counsel and going into this thing with your eyes wide open.
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3/18/2008 7:22:27 PM
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anonymous
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Thank you for the excellent teaching! I need to read this daily.
As old as I am and as often as I've seen God work in miraculous ways (ways that coincidence or circumstance could never explain), I still find myself being the "worry wart" and having difficulty surrendering my problems/issues to the leadership and sovreignty of God.
At the same time, I know that I must if I want to be a Christ follower.
Besides, who else could I possibly have faith in & trust with my problems/issues but a God who says to me, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:10-12
His love and faithfulness are simply amazing!!!
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4/22/2009 12:10:14 PM
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anonymous
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