I became saved a while ago and through my life, God has blessed me and continued to make a way. My husband died almost 9 years ago, leaving me and the family with nothing but bills. Even though I work, I find it hard and have gone through emotional stress, guilt and pain. There are times when I cannot pray nor do I want to. There are times when I feel very lonely and wonder what God is up too. There are times when I do question because his actions are far above what I understand at this time.

I am struggling as I watch my kids who are basically grown now and my grandchildren. I wonder why God bless me with the companionship and life that I know I deserve. Will I spend the rest of my life alone and why am I being tormented by fear, lust, guilt and wanting to end it all soometimes. I've tried to be good mother but always feel that I've not lived up to God's standards. At work I feel out of place, like an alien. I don't share in the dirty jokes I see the cruelty in my office for what it is. My whole life seems out of sorts and usually I trust God to save me from whatever I'm going through. At 44 I'm just plain tired! What am I so tired of the struggle.

6/13/2010 2:26:44 PM by dbarnes1912, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/26/2009

Sister, it sounds like the enemy is really working you over and is puting in overtime on your case. Please don't let him get away with this unaccepptable behavior. You are a beloved child of God and as such you are deserving of love, joy, peace and forgiveness. We are often our own worst enemy, and I speak from bitter experience!

First things first! Quit listening to the accusations of the enemy. Jesus has paid your debt and you have been washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. You are a recipient of His righteousness, so tell Satan to leave you alone because you answer only to your Lord.

2nd - I know it is hard when you are down, but you need to keep praying. Even if it is just little prayers at first. I kept my prayer life going with a simple prayer over my food for a while. Then it was the simple prayer we all learn as kids at bed time: "Now I lay me down to sleep..." anything to keep the channels of communication open between you and your Father.

3rd - Find a mature believer to take you under her wing and mentor you for a while. Someone who can come alongside you in love and support and offer practical advice on dealing with life's adversities in a Godly fashion.

Last - Find a ministry that will allow you to help others. Our church hands out food and clothing to the homeless every other Saturday. I know people who go there to play with the children and offer God's love to everyone. Maybe there is a convolescent home near you where you could visit some of our elderly, who frequently haven't had a visitor in over a year. This will help focus your mind and energies on other people's issues. It really does help.

I will be praying for you, this I promise.

Blessings upon you!

6/18/2010 11:25:14 AM by kcgodlyman, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/17/2009

Sister,

Our Father is faithful even when we aren't. Th Bible says when we can't pray, He searches our hearts. In addition to what kcgodlyman has advised, I recommend an attitude of gratitude. Wake up every morning and thank God because His mercies are new every morning. Thank Him throughout the day because you never know when a situation wil take a sudden turn for you. You say He has blessed you, that has not changed, He is still blessing you. For years I struggled with that scripture that says "work out your salvation..." I couldn't understand why one would/could "work out" salvation that is freely given. One day I got the revelation that to "work out salvation" is to fix your mind on the fact that you are saved and believe that Jesus has you covered every step of the way. You must believe that your steps are order by the LORD. It is the only "work" He has given us to do. "Just believe." Luke 8:50 Please read John 6:28-29

6/26/2010 10:07:16 AM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

Greetings dbarnes1912:

Sounds to me like you are a solid Christian, firmly planted in the Body of Christ. We are in a fallen world where sin abounds and temptations don't wait for an invitation.

Remember, "Be sensible and vigilant, because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking someone he may devour" (1 Pet 5:8).

You seem to know where your strength comes from and is "greater in you than that which is in the world" by trying to make you forget it.

As you continue to "fight the good fight", try making regular time to stay even more active in "doing the work of the ministry", whether it's visiting the sick, cooking a meal for someone less fortunate, babysitting for a struggling couple, etc. Staying active and using our "gifts" helps us to ignore the taunts and lies of the "evil one".

As far as being alone goes, I know it stinks, but I'd make myself ready for the right relationship and keep believing that you soon won't be alone.

7/3/2010 12:41:36 PM by LifeSavers, Member of Delve into Jesus since 7/3/2010