What do I say to comfort someone who is having a really rough time, and things just keep getting worse? If they are feeling angry with God and they do not understand why these things are happening, and I can't explain it either? This has been an issue several times recently- I really want to offer comfort/advice but don't know what to say.... Please can you help?

8/27/2009 1:52:28 PM by Debora, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/26/2009

Debora been there and it hurt's so i can only speak on how i got through.... at first not well ...Why God ? Why ? then one day i read /heard 'He never let's you have more than you can handle'... so ok Lord i'll do it, the other was i must be doing ok because satan is spending so much time on me...... i changed my thinking... now i just go i WILL NOT be beaten by a looser, i had scriptures but it took how i looked at it, the only way out is through, i have started the year off with cancer plus all the other rubbish but io am the happiest i have ever been and, i win WE WIN. SO ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIEND TO STAND AND KEEP STANDING BECAUSE WE WIN, God bless

8/27/2009 8:47:55 PM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

Hi Debora,
I would like to ask a couple of questions, if I may, before offering any advice.

Is your friend a Christian and if so what denomination if any?
What is the nature of the tough time, is it financial, home life, work?
How close are the two of you and how long have you known them?

I am really interested in trying to help, please give me something to work with so I can give good advice. It is obvious that your are a kind, compassionate and caring person and your friend is lucky to have you in their corner. Let's see if we can help make a difference!

Blessings to you!

8/30/2009 3:45:03 PM by kcgodlyman, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/17/2009

Kcgodlyman,

My friend is Catholic, although not practising. He hasn't been to church since he was a child, but he does pray regularly. I have, of course, prayed with and for him. The scriptures that comfort me when times are rough have not helped him- I think he already considers that God has given him more than he can handle, and continues to do so.

His mother has leukemia, and although she has been in remission for several years, she has been left with many, many other medical problems. Every time the doctors manage to get on top of one thing, something else will happen. She seems to have a bad reaction to most new treatment/medication, which then requires even more medication to settle the side effects. It really is a viscious circle, one thing after another, and I do understand why he is struggling so much. Every time she gets a bit better, he perks up, but then it only hits him harder when she gets unwell again.

That's the main problem, but he is also stuck in a job which he hates, is highly stressed, and cannot find the motivation to seek alternative employment. Jobs are hard to come by in the UK at the moment!

We are very close and have known each other for about 8 years. I supported him when his Dad died very suddenly 5 years ago- he was very angry with God then as well, and I don't think he's made his peace with that yet. His family have been through such a lot over these past years.

I always struggle to answer when people want to know why bad things happen to good people- sometimes with hindsight it's easy to see the good things that have come out of a bad situation, but not in this case. Personally, I think it's amazing that she had a successful bone marrow transplant and continues to be in remission, especially when all the other patients she met in clinic have now died. This, however, provides no comfort for my friend.

I'm thinking of taking a Christian Counselling course next year, in the hope of being a bit more geared up for situations like this one.

Every blessing upon you too, and thank you for helping.

Debora

P.S I haven't forgotten that today is the 31st- I will keep you in my prayers!

8/31/2009 2:45:54 AM by Debora, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/26/2009

Debora,
Wow, it sounds like your friend has had a rough time of it. I know I use a lot of examples from my life, but I feel that this is often the best place to start. We go through our own experiences and the Lord wants us to use them to encourage and instruct others.

In May 2001 I injured my back at work and began a very long and painful recovery which would last 18 months. In June of 2001 my father started having pain in his back. About the same time my mother was hospitalized for the final time in a long fight against Lupus and COPD. In August 2001 my father had back surgery and they discovered cancer. It turned out that he had lung cancer and brain tumors as well as metastasized cancer in his back. This began a very painful six weeks in which my family and I went and lived in the hospital waiting lounge where my father was being cared for in his final days. On Sept. 18, 2001 my mother finally passed away and went to be with our Lord. That night my father stayed up all night praying for her while she died. They had been divorced for 18 years and he had been filled with hatred for her, but in her final hours God gave him the Grace to pray for her. On Oct. 8, 2001 my father went to be with the Lord. He was my best friend as well as my father, and I was devastated. The combination of my injury and my loss was overwhelming. To top it off we had been away from our church for six weeks and we had no support from our church family. Sounds bleak doesn't it? The Lord spoke to my heart and told me not to place my trust in men, but to place all my trust in Him and that He would never let me down.

A pastor friend of mine got me involved with counseling others who were grieving and in a short time I was concentrating on them instead of myself. I prayed daily for my friends and for the Grace to deal with my own grief and the Lord responded hugely! I won't say the pain is gone, but He makes it bearable. I pray that your friend will receive the same Grace and strength from our Lord!

Blessings upon you!

9/1/2009 9:35:21 AM by kcgodlyman, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/17/2009

Debora,
I forgot to tell you that the surgeon yesterday is putting me in for gentle physical therapy and a series of epidurals in an effort to reduce inflammation. My L5-S1 disk is badly deteriorated and I am almost bone on bone, and the bone is deteriorating rapidly. The L4-L5 disk has a 5mm bulge that is pressing on the nerve as well. If PT isn't helpful then they will go in and relieve the pressure and stabilize the back with a fusion. Not great news, but at least now there is a concrete plan in place.

9/1/2009 9:38:53 AM by kcgodlyman, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/17/2009

Hi Keith,

I'm glad that you now have a treatment plan- it sounds like a pretty standard plan to me- physiotherapy and injections first, surgery as a last resort. In my experience, many patients find that the physio and injections benefit them, but even if you do get to needing surgery, the success rates for relieving pain and regaining movement are pretty good for spinal fusion.

You must be in a lot of pain... I know how agonising back problems can be, and your strength and endurance is really inspiring. I pray that the physiotherapy and injections will work, and you will be freed from your pain.

9/1/2009 1:27:24 PM by Debora, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/26/2009

Thank you for your prayers and good wishes. I won't lie, the pain is pretty intense, even with the heavy pain medication they have me taking. My time spent on Delve into Jesus helps a lot to keep my mind focused on others, rather than on my back. I am also working with several pastors and ministry leaders to put together a new ministry at my church. God laid Marriage Mentors on my heart 4 years ago, and I recently found out that our sister church has this exact program in place! God is so incredible! I am meeting with various people there in order to get tips on making the program work. I'll even go through the training program they have for mentors. Then I will finalize everything with my pastors to get it going at home. This activity is a fantastic way to focus on service and not on self-pity.

Blessings upon you!

9/1/2009 4:11:03 PM by kcgodlyman, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/17/2009

Keith

How fantastic that you've made your back injury a blessing for others!

I'm reminded of our previous conversation about discussing faith at work, and I think that many of my orthopaedic patients would benefit from hearing your testimony. Sharing your testimony (anonymously, of course) with my patients would not only help them to think of ways to distract themselves from their pain, but would also demonstrate God's goodness working through lives. This would also be a fantastic way for me to bring up the subject without being accused of preaching or acting in a discriminatory way. I can't wait to get back to work now.

I really am blown away when I think of how many lives you have touched through your injury. Thank you for being a blessing to me also!

9/2/2009 1:40:58 AM by Debora, Member of Delve into Jesus since 4/26/2009

It really pleases me when I am able to be of help simply through sharing my past or present circumstances. For me, a major part of being a Christian is finding ways to pass along insight provided by the Holy Spirit to others who may need encouragement. Seems like I am more of a Barnabas than I ever suspected. We all have spiritual gifts given to us by the Holy Spirit. At the very least we all have one gift. It has been my experience that most people have more than one, and all it takes is leaving oneself open to using these gifts as the Lord prompts us. Sometimes He is calling us to step outside our comfort zone in using our gifts, but He is always there standing beside us.

By all means, feel free to use my testimony as you see fit. It isn't anything remarkable when you consider all of the miracles the Lord works on a daily basis. It is just the walk of one man who has made a lot of mistakes and has received a lot of Grace and Forgiveness from our Lord and Savior.

Blessings upon you!

9/2/2009 8:23:10 AM by kcgodlyman, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/17/2009