Good Morning,
I have been struggling with my feelings lately. My whole life i have been so morally right and held my values so high. Lately, i have been involved with someone that is taken. I am not emotionally attached nor want to be with him. In the past this woudl not have been an issue. I would have never done anything like this knowing before hand the significant other is a friend of mine as well. I go to church, have been so close with God but lately i just do not feel bad for what is happening in my life. I do not feel remorse, perhaps small amount of remorse but not entirely enough to stop and ask for forgiveness. I feel like i have reached a point where right now i dont want to ask for forgiveness because i do not feel like stopping this action of mine. I have no idea what is going on. I moved 1000 miles away from home for a job a year ago. I have broken up with the person i have loved the most in my life and believed was the one and has been in my life for the past 7yrs to later find out he was not the right person for me. It has been so hard and year after year he broke my heart and finally i said enough is enough. Moving on has been the hardest things i have ever had to deal with, i still have pain sometimes but not nearly as much. I joined a group at church to strengthen the bond with God, i go to church i really love the Lord and i have always been so focused on my life and bonding with God and having strong values and morals. For the frist time in my life, i feel like the more i was trying to find myself while tryign to move on and finding who i am because i was so attached to someone for 7 yrs the more a progress iwas doing ....now i am lost. I feel like the frist time was a mistake but after that it happened again and i didnt feel bad or even if my consciense was pushing a moral thought i disregarded. I don't know how to explain it, i know what i am doing is so wrong, i know i am playing with fire, i know i should pray to get wisdom to do the right thing and i have prayed. A huge part of me still doesnt care about all that, I am numb to the whole situation, i dont care for him or her(my friend) and i have never gotten or experience this selfish feeling i never haev been selfish in my life. I feel like i am creating a monster and i am praying and hoping this is temporary but i am also afraid that this is me. I was tryign to find me and find myself and bond with God and now this and my reactions are so far gone and far from what they would have been before. I do not know what to do at this moment in time. I am just numb, but at the same time i am happy with my life , everythign else in my life is doing well and i am at ease that i am strong enough not to feel sad for the person i lost in my life (my ex) and strong enough to wish him happiness and good things in his life. I just do not know how a part of my life feels well and the other feels numb and lost. Unfotunately i do not want to find the right path that i know i should for the lost part of me. I do not nkow how to fix me right now, and i dont think i am willing to do anythign to repair that.. i just do not know ..

8/25/2009 9:06:07 AM by xoxo82, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/25/2009

You have quite the story here and more than a few issues to deal with at the time. First is the person you have been involved with that you mention at the beginning. Are they single, married, or dating? It is kind of hard to tell. If they are married I would suggest breaking it off as a good place to start. It sounds like your relationship with Christ is weak, if not broken, at the moment. Dealing with sin in our lives is always the best place to work at renewing our relationship with Him. Sin is a wedge between God and ourselves that must be eliminated to start the healing process.

You sound very confused about your feelings concerning your "friend" and concerning your relationship with God. I recommend taking some time to consider what you are looking for, and what your goals are in your quest to "bond with God". If there is a pastor you trust to talk to about what is going on try sitting down and talking about it.

I will be praying that God will give you clarity, peace and a heart to know Him.

Blessings upon you!

8/25/2009 11:52:03 AM by kcgodlyman, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/17/2009

Let go and let God, He has a purpose and a plan for ou and i don;t think this is it, Matthew 6:33-34... Proverbs 3:5-6... Psalm 23. My God bless you richly in all you do, may He give you dreams and visions, i'm sorry you are hurting

8/25/2009 2:29:12 PM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

I truly hope you find the peace you deserve, and the solace you need.

8/25/2009 10:43:04 PM by Flagg, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/20/2009

xoxo82,

You sound just like I did about 4 years ago...like you don't know which end is up?...I've been there! Done that! Got the t-shirt..!!

You are simply being convicted by the Holy Spirit to repent and turn back to a close relationship with the Lord...

Sin is powerful. And let's face it...Sin feels good, it gives us, at least temporary pleasure. It's a constant struggle we all go through.

The struggle you are experiencing is a good sign, it means you're conscience is bothering you. The Holy Spirit is convicting you. You know what is right, but your sin nature or flesh just don't want to do it...right?

The following scripture describes the conflict that our spirit and our soul/flesh is in

Galatians 5:16-17 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.

Each of us is made up of 3 parts1. Our spirit, which is where the Holy Spirit indwells us. 2.Our soul, which is comprised of our intellect, will and our emotions and 3. Our physical bodies.

When you gave your life to Christ; got saved, received Christ as Savior, however you describe it, the Holy Spirit came to live within your spirit and He began a life-long process of changing you to become LIKE Christ, but sin and our flesh or sin nature your soul, still wants to continue doing the same old things, or pull us back into things we used to do...but God loves us way too much to allow us to continue down those paths so He continuously convicts us, and that is what you are going through..

Unless I have completely mis-understood your post, it sounds like you know, in your spirit, this relationship is not one you should be in, for whatever reason, and you are being torn between what you want to do and what God is calling you to do instead..

I will pray that the Lord makes is perfectly crystal clear what He wants you to do and not to do in this situation...and when He does, it will be your choice to either do it or not...It's obvious you love the Lord, so I believe you will ultimately make the right decision..and when you do the confusion will leave..peace and joy will fill your heart.

kcgodlyman made a wonderful suggestion when he encouraged you to find someone; your Pastor, or someone mature in the faith who can help you and guide you while you find your way back on the path...

I'm glad you reached out to us here, and hope you continue to do so, but someone to actually talk to one on one would be a wise thing to do...

8/26/2009 7:37:08 PM by Lapanache, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/29/2009

To everyone that left their thoughts and comments and has said prayers to me. I thank you dearly with all my heart. I woke up yesterday and somehow I knew i was better than that and i had put my values and morals aside for a couple of weeks and i was being selfish and erring and i do not want to be that. I was so numb but reading your posts and talking to God and just asking for help and guidance has helped so much. I am back in touch wiht my thoughts, feelings and yes i have derailed but now i am back in my path. I was playing with fire and i had made a line between what i wanted selfishly and my emotions so that they didnt get mixed up and this week and i realized yesterday i was very close to crossing the line i had created. I was starting to burn with the fire i was playing. I got out and its for good. My own good, and their own good and it is the right thing to do. Y'all do not have any idea how thankful and greatful i am to each and everyone because i have actually gotten back to my old ways of living in righteousness and feeling complete again. THANK YOU for your kindness i wish i could hug everyone of you and say thank you. I feel good today and i will def will let God know again at church this weekend that thanks to him and you guys i am back to being me again. It is amazing the power of prayer AMAZING thank you again!!!!!!! I really am glad i found this site, I thank God so much for actually somehow googling and finding you . THANK YOU !!!! with all my heart.

God Bless each and everyone and your loved ones.

thank you so much again.

8/27/2009 8:19:43 AM by xoxo82, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/25/2009

xoxo82,

You are so very welcome..

The effective fervent prayer of the righteous always avails much..

It sounds like the Lord quickly revealed to you what you needed to do and you made the right decision that resulted in the return of your peace and the joy of your salvation. Praise God!!

When you said you...

I woke up yesterday and somehow I knew i was better than that and i had put my values and morals aside for a couple of weeks and i was being selfish and erring and i do not want to be that.

It caused me to remember a scripture I love..."...Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning" Psalms 30:5

I can't tell you how many times I have cried and wept myself to sleep but when I wake up in the morning the Lord has somehow ministered to me in my sleep, and everything just seems to fall into place, all my questions have been answered..

He loves us so very much.We are like His precious little babies and knows just how to touch us to restore us.

Your struggle may not be completely over, but I know you are well on your way...just keep trusting and relying on Him. He is only a breath away...and will give you the answers and guidance you seek.

Yours in Christ..

8/28/2009 12:11:00 PM by Lapanache, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/29/2009

I found 1 Corinthians 10:13 a helpful verse to memorise and to use as a weapon to fight against temptation (sword of the spirit=word of God -Ephesians 6:17).

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I pray God continues to give you much strength and grace as you continue to trust and rely on him.

Love,
Clair

9/15/2009 3:14:17 AM by Clair, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/7/2009