Recently my husband and I have been dealing with some issues. After having our child 2 1/2 years ago things changed. He started having more hobbies, spending more time out with friends, and just basically doing things a single guy would do.
But lately the problems have turned to me being suspicious of him doing things he should not be doing.
I recently accidently figured out his facebook and email passwords. I knew that he had been sending messages to a female co-worker, but he assured me it was nothing. Well, all the messages were flirty and hurt me very badly. I printed everything I found. I have locked them in my desk drawer here at work. I randomly walk in the room when I know he's sending her a message just to test how he acts and every time he acts nervous, never closes out what he's doing. Guess he knows it would really look bad.
So we took a weekend trip and just returned home yesterday. The first night there she was brought up and he told me to drop it. I told him I was done argueing over this friendship that he says is nothing. I asked him if he feels like if I saw what he/she were typing to one another would it bother me and he said yes because I'm so sensitive. My thoughts there would be if I were doing somethign and I thought it would bother or upset him I would not continue. So he admitted that he playfully flirts but not in a sexual way. My thoughts on this is she's single and how is she taking it. Since we have returned he has changed all passwords so now I'm thinking there is really something he's hiding. I don't know what to do at this point. I keep praying that I want the Lord to show him what is important (family, wife) and what he can lose. I want to throw everything I have printed in his face and yell and scream. I know for my daughters sake that does nothing. I just don't know what to do at this point. We had such a good weekend after I thought he had apologized for everything and I thought he was going to return to work and explain to her that he could only have communication that was work related but apparently that did not happen since I found 2 messages from her before he changed passwords. I just need some good advice as to what to do. I love my husband and I have always trusted he's not the type to physically cheat but this is cheating of the heart with words. I can't stand it.

8/17/2009 8:01:03 AM by jcronan01, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/17/2009

Is he a Christian? no, otherwise he would try to stay away from temptation. Focus on Jesus, give him this problem; patiently and firm let your husband know that you are aware of his immature actions, that ytour don't own him, and if he plays around you will seek legal advise and as he is a father, and you put your children first, he will have to pay for his game; if the relationship with this girl is serious, let him know that it may be worth for him paying the price, tolerate not his infidelity, give him a last and only warning, (do not call it warning) and you stay firm, go on with your life as if nothing has happened, talk to him as you would to your children (with love) watch your tone of voice, treat him as a husband, lovingly make him aware that you may stop your sexual relationship only due to health reasons and that you will visit the doctor. Put the burden completelely aside and in the hands of God. He will stop, but you must stay firm; otherwise, this will not be the only time he will do it, he will make it a habit with this one or with another one. You must stay firm, and focus on Jesus, he is your best friend. If you love your husband you will gain him back, love conquers everything, make sure you are not doing this for selfishness, " he is mine and mine only" He is being insecure and perhaps even wants to wake up your jelousy. Satan is wanting to destroy what you have, Focus on Jesus, focus on Jesus again again and over again. Do everything that you have to do with love. Say what you have to say and go on with your life, stop messing with the computer it is the best weapon the devil has to hurt you, let him make and change passwords. Perhaps If you show him you are not worried about loosing him, he will stop, he may want to play with yor feelings to make himself important and wanted. Make this the only time you will bring it to his attention, and never again. But mean it. Value your self, Jesus loves you, Satan wants to take your attention from Jesus and put it 100 into your husband.

8/17/2009 10:08:43 AM by nohemi, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/11/2009

I want to confront the issue but without saying or even showing him what I've read. I have printed everything in case I need it for my back up. I just don't want all this to get turned around on me for being the snoopy one. I want to watch him a few days and see if he continues to act sneaky. I don't want to confront him on the issue today because that will just make him realize that I know he changed his passwords. I have so many mixed feelings right now and I'm so bad at facing my problems and confronting people. I'm such a coward!! I need to pray hard about this.
I just know it's killing me. I'm crying at work, I can't stay focused on work, I feel like I'm being fake when I'm around him. I started doing the Love Dare and it has been helping up until today when all this just really started affecting me. I really need to continue to pray and get guidance on this.

8/17/2009 12:06:51 PM by jcronan01, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/17/2009

Not a coward, you are being tactfull and that is great, God gives you the wisdom and we thank HIM; no one better than you knows how to handle it. He is being used by the evil one to destroy you and your family; consider seriously praying for his deliverance, he needs your help, you are not sneaking on him, the evil one is sneaking on you, don't come to a lower level than the evil one, you have already practically cought him, so let it be until then, you have proof and that is a weapon to use only in case it may be necessary to use on worldly things, not spiritual. you may want to light white candles offered to the Holy Spirit of God for the protection of evil spirits who want to dwell among you. do not let him know what and why you are doing this, he will mock you; (not your husband, the evil one.)

May God bless you and your children and help him get back on the right side of the road to salvation.

8/17/2009 1:22:20 PM by nohemi, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/11/2009

I may not be a coward and I may just be being tactful. I have more patience then anyone I know but I'm so hurt at this point. It's really consuming me to the point I'm going to have a break down. My friends are beginning to worry about me. I just don't know how to bring it up without throwing everything in his face.
I do trust there is nothing physical going on. He's always home and with me and if he's not he's where he says he is. He's never lied to me before and he's admitted to me that he has flirted with her. He just doesn't see the harm in what he's doing. He says its harmless. I trust he's not sleeping with her. I have snooped to the point I know her phone numbers, address, and email address. I also can get to her on facebook. I usually can tell by her comments on a daily basis that she's pretty busy. She does flirt back some but I see her as sometimes blowing him off and him pursuing it more. I just hate that they have to work together too. I think that is what drives me nuts too. I just have to stay focused that the Lord is going to guide my actions and help me get through this day by day.
And yes I do agree that the devil is doing this to destroy my family. My husband used to be a good christian but he has fallen away from that and this is what's happening. I do have to pray that the Lord helps him remove the blinders and walk away from this before his wife and daughter walk away from him.

8/17/2009 1:34:46 PM by jcronan01, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/17/2009

I had a taste of what you are going through; I spoke to her and asked her if she was serious about my husband, (very nicely) because I was ready to let her have him if he was ready to leave me for her, that if she could make him happier than me, I would have no problems that I loved him so much that his happines meant my life; I told her that I did not blame him for paying attention to her, that she was very pretty and young and that I would ask her to consider if this relationship was going the right way for her or would it end up hurting many people. at the same time I spoke with him in a passive voice and told him the same thing, he said it was nothing, that I was seeing things, I made him aware that they had both been advised by me, therefore decide, they stopped when they knew I was serious; Nobody saw me cry nor sad, I I felt ugly and old; she was beautiful, sexy and at least 10 years younger than me. Never again have we had any problems. I was her boss, my husband was her manager and trainner in our office, she was married and had 4 children, but was very unhappy with her husband. Do not fear, the Holy Spirit gives you powers that you ignored you have, just keep on praying, you will come out of this with J O Y, Jesus First, others nex and you last. Pray to Jesus, pray for your husband and even for her to find someone else and fall in love, then pray for you for patience, persererance, wisdom.

8/17/2009 2:02:06 PM by nohemi, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/11/2009

I hear you my fellow child of God .Last week I found out that my husband of five years has been having a relationship with a another woman on Facebook.He forgot to log out and I found messages just like yours, I was extremely hurt.I found the womans contact details and phoned her.She informed me that i should not be ringing on my phone and we verbaly abused one another.I said horrible things to her and she responded the same way.I got frustrated and put the phone down on her and waited for my partner to come home. That evening he came home with his Bible in one hand and did not greet me ,he only spoke to our daughter.His friend and brother were in the house during this time.When asked by his friend what was going on ,he got defensive and said he did not love me anymore and wanted to be with the other women .He said i had no right to go into his FB account.I explained to him that the reoson why i had done that was because he had been acting suspiciously and going to bed early hours of the morning spending the entire night on Facebook .He would sit with the Bible on one lap and the laptop on the other so that evrytime i walked in he would switch to reading the Bible.He then called me a prostitute ,insulted my family and went on to shout that he wanted to live his life and no one should and can stop him. I will admit that I was very hurt by his words but the way i reacted was not the way a christian shoud respond to such trials.I cursed at him and called him names ,told him i was taking the child away and he will neva see her again..During the time we were arguing ,texts messages came on my phone from this woman .She continued to verbaly attack me and laughed at me for not being able to keep my partner on a leash.This went on for hours and my partner went to bed sulking . That night i lay on the couch in the livingroom crying my eyes out,
thinking back on everything i had done for my husband ,all the sacrifices. The next morning he woke up and got ready for church ,I asked him if I could come as well and he just ignored me .I got myself , our daughter ready and waited for him in the car.

The whole journey to church we did not speak to each other.We got to church and had a very good service.Then the Pastor asked if there were any people in that afternoon who were not born again christians.I stood up with two other people , went to the Pastor and stood in front of more that 300 hundred people before he prayed for us. We were directed into a different room and we chatted to two other Pastors.I asked to see the Pastors in private and told him about what i was going through.They were shocked to hear that becuase they least expected that from my husband .As of now im waiting to hear from them ,for a date which the three Pastors ,my husband and i shall meet and discuss this issue.My husband is not talking to me ,he refuses to eat when i cook dinner and is stil giving me one word answers.....

This whole thing happened a few days ago and I have gotten stronger .Im now asking God to forgive me for all the nasty words i used at my husband and this woman .Whatever he does , i will still pray for him and right now im praying for all women and man in the same situation because it hurts and i knw how you feel .God Bless you .

11/5/2009 6:28:20 PM by Shamiso, Member of Delve into Jesus since 11/5/2009

It's been awhile since I've updated what's been going on since I posted the first time.
Since that first post my husband has found out everything I know and it got really bad for a while, but now things are finally feeling like they are going to work out. The private messages with this female stopped other than work emails according to my husband. Now I don't like that but he told me they still talk through email at work so right now I'm trying to be patient. Any thing done on FB is done where I see it on his page or her page so no private messaging there.
I've since started seeing a Christian Counselor for help and advice. She's also a marriage counselor so our hopes are to get him there with me but right now he thinks we are fine on our own.
We've also started having weekly date nights, he's limited his time with friends, and just basically started helping me out more. I know you can't change someone immediatly but I think that God is helping us. I believe that with my prayers things are turning around.
I continue to pray for our situation and anyone else that has problems like ours. We've got lots of other issues other that this one with this co-worker but this one just made everything else start happening. So it's been a domino effect. But again I believe our Great God is helping us get through it. Thank you for those of you that have prayed and the advice given.

11/6/2009 5:28:16 AM by jcronan01, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/17/2009