Please help! My husband of 10 years informed me 3 months ago that he wasn't happy, and hadn't been in years. To make a long story short, I wanted to try to work it out through counseling, he went a few times and never waivered from his stance that he wanted out. I have since found out that he has "fallen in love" with a coworker and has been "friends" with her from the beginning of all of this. My marriage wasn't perfect. He was verbally abusive and an alcoholic. I am a believer, he is not. We have 3 small children under the age of 7. I believe that God knew I would not grow spiritually in the marriage nor would I ever had left him. I'm taking baby steps in the right direction, but am now facing a new demon. Everytime I get on the subject of my husband and his girlfriend, I become very bitter. I say horrible things about them and then feel lousy afterwards. I know God doesn't want me to speak evil of anyone so this is a struggle for me. Does anyone have any advice? Your prayers would be very appreciated too.

1/7/2009 3:04:04 PM by Jennel, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/7/2009

I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you and your young children, we pray for the peace of God to be on you, for His wisdom, strength and decernment, and His grace in Jesus name.
Your hurting and that's the truth, you will rise above it, God doesn't want us to speak that way, yet we are flesh He UNDERSTANDS. Try not talking about it as much as possible, to some you have to others you don't, Pray that God opens their eyes,
Ephesians4:26..Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath.
1John 3:20..For if our hearts condemns us,God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.
Psalm 27:14..Wait on the Lord be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart.
Psalm 55:18..He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me,
James 3:17..But the wisdom that is from above is first purs then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, without hypocrisy.
Psalm 23 is a very good one. I will keep you and family in my prayers God bless

1/7/2009 5:03:08 PM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

Jennel,

I am sorry you are hurting. Right now, you are in the process of grieving your relationship and this grief will run a cycle. It is normal and natural for you to feel angry and hurt and it is very understandable to want to express this. This phase will probably give way to a period of numbness, saddness and grief before the acceptance phase. You are wise to realize that along with your hurt you are feeling bitterness. Bitterness only hurts you and can lead you to get stuck in the anger phase and lead to you having difficulty forgiving...it truly is a trap that can wound you further. It also can lead you to distrust others and become cynical.
However, that said, you really do need to be able to express your feelings and your thoughts and it is healthy to do so. It is all about the manner in which you do it and your intent.
One of the best ways is through a journal...get your thoughts down on paper (in a book that won't be read in the future by your children). Allow yourself to write everything you are feeling...pour it all out. Do this in your prayer time too. God knows what you are thinking and feeling before you even say it, so nothing will shock Him and he wants to bring healing to your heart. Also, continue to seek counseling. A trained counselor will enable you to take steps towards healing and give you "homework" that you can do as you are going through this process.
One of the most important things to remember is that despite his shortcomings, you will be tied to him due to your children and it is very important that no matter how angry or hurt you are, that you don't speak ill of him (or his girlfriend) in front of your children. They could eventually resent you for it. Over time, the truth always comes out. You can pray for your children to have wisdom and that they too will not become bitter. They will need you more than ever now and you can lead by example. Being a single parent is a hard job but surround yourself with friends and a Christian support system. If you need to, have a female Christian buddy that you can be accountable to when you "slip up" and utter words that the Holy Spirit gently tells you were not appropriate.
Since your husband is not a Christian, he does not have the same moral compass that you have. The sad fact is that this girl friend will soon discover too his imperfections (the "honeymoon phase" lasts only so long). Therefore, you will need to be very strong for your children because chances are they might see your husband in various relationships which will be difficult for them (and for you too!) to witness. God can give you strength to get through this, to choose your words wisely and for the truth to be revealed in the end (because right now, I am thinking you want justice in a bad way!) It is possible too that your husband is unable to make wise choices due to his alcoholism and past abuse in his own life which makes him unable to be a committed partner to anyone (this is not to excuse him but you must separate yourself from the equation and realize that each person is accountable for their own decisions and actions and that he obviously is hurting to have made such horrible errors in judgment). When you feel you are ready to, pray for him in your journal thoughts and allow God to take control of that situation. Eventually, when you start to forgive, little by little, you will see that bitterness disappear and you will find a level of peace and acceptance (and strength) that you didn't know was possible.
I will pray for you and your family!

1/7/2009 5:50:14 PM by Elizabeth, Vice-President, Delve Christian Ministries

Jennel,

I am sorry but the words "husband" and "girlfriend" do not belong in the same sentence. It breaks my heart to read them together. If your husband wants to go, let him. God does not take away our free will and even a wife should not do so.

The easiest way to get over this other woman in your life is to pray for her. Your prayers must be sincere and scripture-based. Please know that she is as deceived by satan as your husband. She, too, is in need of salvation.

You are a child of the Most High God. It is beneath you to speak ill of her. It is impossible to pray for a person and hold ill-will for them at the same time. Ask Father to help you forgive her and your husband. Speak kindly about her or say nothing at all.

In your prayer time, tell God how unfair this feels to you. Being human is not an excuse in God's eyes. He knows we are human. He has called us, his beloved, to walk above human emotions. He wants us to be willing and obedient. Be willing to do what is right in His eyes and be obedient to His word.

Jesus said it all when He said, "Forgive them, they know not what they are doing." He said, "But I say, Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you. In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven."

I will pray for you, your husband and his co-worker. May God lift you up where you belong.

1/7/2009 6:30:16 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

this is what you call a waiting period,or should i say a test of faith because this is the part where he thinks the grass is greener but it's actually artificicial,you get it? but you have to be grounded in the word and love him and pray for him.by law you have the right to divorce him,(god's law) but in all honesty if you want this to work tell god and stand on it.Just because it's in the oven don't make it a cake .and just because it looks like it over don't mean thats what it's going to be.you cant blame him or yourself for this but you both can take credit for allowing the devil to manipulate your relationship to the point your in a storm at the present time.you know through out your post you said a few things about him negatively so what about you?it takes two to break it but one to fix it.that one being jesus,ask him to show you your faults because you know your husbands already, and this coworker it's not going to work ! trust me i just think it's funny how people think that they find happiness by makeing someone hurt.don't feed in to satan and hate treat him like you did when you met him.trust in the lord ms. the devil is a lie and you should slap him with the word.i know god will intervene for you and your children,stand strong and be patient meanwhile get closer to the lord ,after all he brung my relationship back to life same story.................................amen

1/8/2009 8:03:56 AM by jodieblunt, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/2/2008