I'm ashamed to admit this... but i've been stuck in a rut for the last 4 years of my life.

When i was 14 yrs old i got into pornography on the internet through a suggestion from a friend and my own curiosity. That sin later developed into habitual masturbation. (yes i'm going to be very blunt about this so squeemish look away) I find myself every day dealing with this sin and trying to prevent myself from doing it again, or from going in search of porn again. I know God's Word says that his mercy endures forever... but i don't want to feel ashamed every couple of days to approach his throne and ask forgiveness for the same thing i just did last week. I've tried almost everything, even reading God's word and praying when under temptation, but somehow or another i can't seem to stop. I know i need to break this horrid habbit but i could really use some prayer and advice... help me please...

One more thing, i will be married to my current girlfriend soon and i know that in order to have a healthy God-centered relationship with her i need to be rid of this. I don't want to hurt my wife the way my dad hurt mom... (nothing physical mind you)

11/26/2008 1:31:56 PM by Spex70, Member of Delve into Jesus since 5/26/2008

Spex,
I know someone who struggled with this for many years.
They were surprised to hear a preacher on the radio one day,
as if he were in the room talking to them about their sin.
Like a light going off, the truth hit them, seeing their sin though
God's eyes. (They repented and never cried so hard in all their life!)
Some things to ponder are: no matter what sin we commit,
sin separates us from God. Sin is the reason Jesus suffered
and died on the cross. The Bible tells us, that when we sin,
we sin against God. We can't serve two masters. (I'm sure you can think of more.)
Meditate on this Scripture, and others.
"Ye have heard that it was said, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
but I say unto you, that every one that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
And if thy right eye causeth thee to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body be cast into hell. And if thy right hand causeth thee to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body go into hell."
Matthew 5:27-30

"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: According to the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions; And my sin is ever before me.
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, And done that which is evil in thy sight; That thou mayest be justified when thou speakest, And be clear when thou judgest.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity; And in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts; And in the hidden part thou wilt make me to know wisdom.
Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness, That the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, And blot out all mine iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; And take not thy holy Spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; And uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; And sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation; And my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
O Lord, open thou my lips; And my mouth shall show forth thy praise.
For thou delightest not in sacrifice; else would I give it: Thou hast no pleasure in burnt-offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: A broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."
Psalm 51:1-17

Spex,
If you are tempted again, think of Jesus.
Tell Satan to leave you alone!
Renew your mind with the Word of God.
With God's help, you can live a pure holy life.

11/26/2008 11:15:20 PM by Ignited~Faith, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/20/2008

There was a problem before my reply got lost, so here i go again, Listen to Ignitedfaith, listen what ever you do, this will destroy you, i can say that, don't do it to the woman you love, tell her i wasn't told i couldn't understand why, i blamed myself, i have no desire there we have 5 children they love their father, yet ?? he is a hard worker, there for us, yet?? he's on the computer all night, it's like his life our life, we came to the lord 10 years ago, i now know it's nothing to do with me,yet?? we are all hurting, my girls have seen too much, i pray, i believe yet he is still caught, if you saw your Dad hurt your Mum, why on earth would you let yourself get caught up, let me tell you you will hurt your wife and worse your children, what you will cause yourself is madness, my husband started in his teens hid it well, but videos and the computer was his undoing, the kids were seeing it protecting me. i didn't know how to use the computer till this year, so they could't even come to me about it that makes me sad anyway we serve a mighty God and nothing is impossible, give it to him He has a lot better for you , on your own you can't do it but with Him you can do all things.
PS my husband is not a bad man but he is sad a lot, he works hard for us, he is there for his children, we do nothing together,don't do this to yourself, God bless you strenthen you, He has a plan for you

11/27/2008 12:17:32 AM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

Hi Spex - I'm glad you're back where people enjoy and care for you; sorry to see you are having such a heavy problem. I will definitely be praying for you.

I see some very heartening words in what you have posted. You, as a young adult, have always amazed me with the way you love God, and know and use the Word. I'm also encouraged by your overview of, and desire to have, a happy and healthy marriage. You are blessed to be a mighty man of God from this early age.

So, it's no surprise Satan is trying to rob you of your potential with God and your marriage. God is cool with a man desiring a thrilling sex life, since He designed all that is truly spectacular. What a cruel hoax Satan perpetrates when he deceives someone to chase porn as something more exciting or fulfilling than what God intends for marriage.

It seems like you understand the problem from a spiritual perspective and are trying to employ the tools God has given. I'm guessing you are also aware, on an intellectual level, of how everyone in the porn business is a victim too. I have talked to more than a few women in the sex industry who all have a rather similar story of having their boundaries and self esteem destroyed by being sexually abused as children and then needing to be intoxicated to be able to perform in front of others. The early and ensuing trauma results in mental illness and is often self-treated by substance abuse. Even those who initially claim that this line of work is personally liberating and affords them great financial opportunities, will eventually let loose with the heartbreaking tales.

Masculinity involves protecting and providing for women and children. I dont know any guy who thinks child abuse, mental illness and addiction is sexy. But, evil has done a good job of dressing porn for success. This problem is so prevalent and sugar-coated in our society - Im glad you are taking a stand to rid your life of it.

Have you looked into any ministries that specifically deal with this issue? Have you considered getting a strong software filter and moving your computer to a public location? Even if you toss the computer, the underlying problem may linger. Ultimately, only God can give you the deliverance you seek, so keep up the good fight.

Spex, I have full confidence that through Jesus you will be victorious over this problem, so Im committed to praying for His will in your life.

11/29/2008 11:52:44 AM by Ryan, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/30/2007

Spex,
Yesterday I found a book at a second hand store.
It is called:
"95 Theses for Pure Reformation."
By: Mike Cleveland
(In skimming over the book, I found that the Author
"Mike" was in his words:
"In my years of bondage to sin I was filled with impurity in my heart, and without the grace of Jesus Christ I would yet be enslaved to my impulses and a captive to lust. My hypocrisy was that I pretended to be a leader in the Christian community and while I lived the double life of a porn-slave. Therefore, I have compassion for those who are in the iron chains of bondage, including those in leadership who struggle with inpurity.
Those of us who have been redeemed from captivity to sexual impurity have a strong desire to see others set free by the power of the gospel. We have no place to throw stones or judge the hearts of others, recognizing our own depravity apart from grace.
Pornography and masterbation (referred to as "P and M" from here on) are at epidemic proportions in the church of Jesus Christ today, and the church needs to know how to combat it...."
Spex, I see that the book is still available on line:
(You can go here and also read portions of it, before you decide to buy.) Mike Cleveland also has a web site where you can find help, and read many Testimonies of people finding freedom!


For the Book: (Copy and paste to your browser!)
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?event=AFF&p=1013082&item_no=904401curr



For the Web site:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/



(Here is just one Testimony!)
----------------------------------------------
Setting Captives Free Testimonies
The Way of Purity Testimony
God used the Setting Captives Free course to show me the truth I knew in my head but refused to move down to my heart. While I was very familiar with the I Corinthians 10:31 verse about doing all that you do to the glory of God, I had never thought about it in light of every aspect of my life. I now apply that to all aspects of my life and seek to only do that which brings Him glory! I have also adopted the verse in Job where he made a covenant with his eyes not to look upon a young woman with lust. As God has forgiven me for for sin thru the blood of Christ on the cross, I am growing to hate sin and evil! As Joseph stated in Genesis 39:9-10, "how could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God." Ive been free for over 60 days now and by Gods grace and in the power of His might I will stay free and glorify Him forever!!!
-----------------------------------------

Spex, You are in my prayers.
May God bless you and help you find freedom in Christ.

12/2/2008 8:45:47 AM by Ignited~Faith, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/20/2008

hey bro thats a big step and it;s also the first step in knowing that it;s a problem i believe most men have had this problem at one point or another and thats speaking from exsperience it take a real man to talk about it that is one of ths most persistant demons the fleh deamon he is always hungry you feed him he grows you starve him he dies, if porn was against the law there would be more of us with a police record (smile) it's good you want to stop but you got 2 really get tired and lean on the lord but i understand your struggle and your right it will affect your relationship, unless the woman have the same demon then that would'nt be good.keep trying bro and sooner or later god will give you your stone for that giant , god bless. jody

12/3/2008 5:58:04 PM by jodieblunt, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/2/2008

Hey Spex,
I am really proud of you for confessing your sin here and allowing God to work in your life through the people on this site. Tell me, have you confessed to your girlfriend/fiance? I think it is important that she knows the truth, because the truth will set you free.
My dad struggled with pornography for years. He got into it when he was about the same age you were, but he didnt try to fix things until a loooooooong time. He waited until after he was married and had kids. I was oldest so i intook most of the pain from it. It was extremly damaging on my parents marriage and my relationship with him and also my relationship with God. He lied about it to us for many years. eventually it came out and he went to couseling at the church, so things got better for awhile, but then he stopped because he thought he was fine and didnt need it anymore. He thought he was strong enough to overcome the temptation on his own. Then he got back into it. I was in highschool then. It was extremely rough on us,especially because we would find it and he would lie about it. My mom became very depressed. Finally, God took him to rock bottom. he lost his job because of it, and we had 15 federal agents storm into our house and confiscated our computer! Sin never stays the same, it always gets worse! After hitting rock bottom and thinking that he basically lost his family, he went to a program at our church called "free indeed" and another one called "celebrate recovery". and he met every week with a counseler from church. I can say now that it is ONLY by the grace of God that my dad's addiction is completely eradicated! and it is ONLY by the grace of God that my family is now restored, but it took a long time, nothing happens over night. It has been three years since that whole event, and my dad still meets with a counseler, but they are like best friends now and now he helps to counsel others. God has done a mircacle in my family. but please connect and find a program at church and even a counseler, because strongholds are scary things left undealt with. And we can't do it on our own. and please make sure you be completely honest with your girlfriend, because Satan loves the dark, and he will use that to keep you in bondage. so bring your deeds to the light. like you did here. but each time you need to confess to God and to her, because she going to be your wife. You also need to establish good accountability partners. ones that you can be completely honest with everytime you fall. that is something my dad said really helped him change for real, was true accountability.
I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless,
Blackbox

12/8/2008 2:44:36 AM by blackbox, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/5/2008

Oh and you should look up Sy Rogers, i heard him do a cool study about temptation dealing with pornography and even with bad thoughts. He said that every time he had a temptation to look at a girl in an ungodly way, he would look at his watch and then up to the sky and start praying to the Lord, or something like that. And then he started to get in to this routine of doing that, that after awhile when he would see a girl pass by that he would normally have looked at in a wrong way, he ended up not noticing anymore because he put himself in a routine of something else.

12/8/2008 2:52:45 AM by blackbox, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/5/2008

Blackbox, you are a breath of fresh air, you can speak with authority because you have lived it, felt it watched where it can take people and seen how God can move, His word says , you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free, welldone. We need prayer, but our faith is what will help us to stand, our willingness to go through, we won't be found in Acts, but we will be found in VICTORY. There are all kinds of horses, the one i like is the war horse, they are trained to not move , not leave in war, nothing , not the noise the sound the sight of war gets to them, i wan't to be a war horse, God bless

12/8/2008 4:00:29 PM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

Hey Spex...first of all..God bless. You made a big step...the most important one and that is admitting. My opionin would be that's the hardest one. Temptation isn't the sin..yeilding to it is the sin. Ask God to strenghtn you in ALL the areas you are weak. And it will be done! You see the enemy knows our weakness and he will use it against us if we allow him to. But you HAVE the power..and don't forget it. Greater is He that is in Spex than him of the world. God Bless..

12/28/2008 6:44:14 PM by mexbias08, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/25/2008

Praise God, i love what you just said i will ask my husband to read it, i think it will help him. God bless.

12/28/2008 7:00:21 PM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

Thank you... all of you, for the encouragement and resources. This is an ongoing battle for me but i have noticed lately that that temptation over me has begun to weaken. I have been doing it much less often that i was before posting this forum... but my true desire is just to stop.

BTW: I have yet another question for you. First let me tell you a little agonizing story of pain and heartache...
A week and a half before christmas my fiance, Kaila, called me and asked me what would my reaction be if she told me she was going back to practicing magic? I was torn to pieces as the conversation went on and she told me that she believed magic was a part of her, and because i was in so much pain i said some tings i shouldn't have which were judgemental and hurtful... out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks... my heart was in pain and frustrated and angry and hurt and... and i spoke out of it, doing the very thing i meant never to do... hurt the one i love with my words.
As if that weren't bad enough she and i did break up that night because she decided to continue practicing magic... but one thing i failed to notice that night was that she kept telling me over and over that she still wanted a relationship with God and to spend time with him... even if i wasn't in the picture...
Now before i say anything else let me jump to a few nights ago... i was laying in bed and wondering about her... one thing she told me was that she only practiced magic in her dreams... visiting "other realms" and using elemental spells and etherial weapons etc... so i asked God one night, just ONE night, to allow me to experience what she did every night she "dreamed"... that night i had the most insane dream which left me wounded when i woke up! By telling her my dream i was able to see that in my dream, i saw everything for what it really was... and i was even wearing armor and carrying a sword! The wound came when i was litterally in a sword battle with 3 demons who'd been conversing with Kaila earlier that night, one of the demons had sliced my leg when i spun to avoid an attack to my side... but that night i realized that the only thing she was doing wasn't magic, it was demons and evil spirits twisting her dreams and she was allowing them to do so!!! I wanted to tell her but she doesn't want to hear my "opinions" on that subject...
Anyways back to the breakup... it took me four days to fully comprehend what i had done. I went to her and thoroughly apologized and begged her to forgive me for what i said and she did that... but now i am believing that God will open her eyes and allow her to see the truth of what she's doing...

i want to ask all of you who've been following this so far... my heart and mind and soul all tell me that i made a mistake... even my spirit has been leaning towards that conclusion. That mistake is failing to see that she still loves and wants a relationship with God. If i had paid more attention i feel i would've simply let God handle the situation instead of taking it upon myself to end the relationship. The only thing i truly desire my woman to have is a true and sincere devotion and relationship with God on her own... even if i'm not there to help guide her and answer her questions and study with her all the time...

So let me ask you point blank... my true desire is to make things right with her and bring us back together, because i can already see God doing a work in her life... it's a slow work, yes, but i've already seen changes... she won't take me back yet, just because of the things i said, but she said it wasn't a complete no... should i keep trying to restore this relationship? Did i make a mistake? Is this pain and hurt all for nothing?
Currently i am taking two months away from time with her. (we are on talking terms now as friends at least) Instead i'm spending that time to grow in the Word and feed my spirit man.

1/5/2009 2:43:24 AM by Spex70, Member of Delve into Jesus since 5/26/2008

first off let me say god bless you,and second of all there is a such thing of which you speak,the spirit world is unseen by us unless our eyes are open whether they may be good are bad ones, but to even be in power that spirit needs a body to act out it's nature,good or bad,yes these are demons,and at the present time the are living it and through your girlfriend.God removes some people out our life because they stunt our growth religiously. to give my advice i would stand clear of all magic practice and pray for her honestly.sometimes when we don't want to let go of what the lord is pulling we get pulled in a direction that was never meant for us to take which usually the lord intervenes and takes over if we let him so i dont know if your holding on or you have let go but god will surely intervene

1/6/2009 7:32:40 AM by jodieblunt, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/2/2008

Jodieblunt is spot on, He will intervene He has a l plan for your life don't miss it because of what you think is love or anythig else for that matter, He can do more for you apart than together, i remember one day God said to me "When you get out o the way i will move".
You say you asked God to show you what goes on, be careful what you believe or think was God, not saying it wasn't God, why don't you ask God to show you what to do abou it and how to pray.I think the word and feeding your spirit is where you will get your answers, leave the rest to God. we pray for His peace to be on you, for revelation, wisdom and decernment, qwill keep praying for you. God bless

1/6/2009 3:45:52 PM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

I had the same problem years ago! I would first start with asking for forgiveness. Then go get a free software program called X3watchPro (google it) It's a accountability program where you type in a friend or pastor or soon to be wife and it weekly emails them any questionable websites that you have been viewing. This isn't so they can condemn you but support you in being strong. I have placed it on all of my families computers. Does the lust ever go away...no! But I can tell you that God can take away the desire to commit the actof viewing and masturbation. I realized that my spiritual walk with God was very weak and that I wasn't putting on the full armor of God. After I made a consciouse decision to get right with God with daily prayer and bible reading. I then noticed that my appetite was diminishing. Sadly, viewing porongraphy and masturbating only causes you to want more. IT's an endless cycle of lust and desire. Sure the flesh is weak...but GOD IS TOTALLY STRONGER! Don't allow Satan to use forgiven and forgotten false guilt. Today is a new day. Start by giving God a new commitment and telling Satan "I'm a child of the King, and your not going to win today!" Take it day by day, and you will find your desire to look at such things weakening. You may fail at times...you're still flesh! But remember, God still loves you! Ask for forgiveness and get into your Bible even more. When you feel Satan pulling on you...walk away and pray. Good Luck and get that program!

2/3/2009 8:50:37 AM by Eric, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/3/2009

Hi Eric - thanks for sharing your story and success! Your post contains a lot of strong encouragement for people fighting with any type of problem.

Being slow to catch on to good things, I've recently begun hearing a lot about accountability partners. Accountability software and partners seem valuable both for those battling sin and for help staying on a productive path like being committed to diligent prayer and Bible study. Although God is our ultimate accountability partner - who sees all and supplies the help to overcome and grow - it's seems like Christians can also serve in that role to some extent.

I'm glad you added your thoughts to this discussion - accountability is a great tool, and it is amazing that we can be about our Father's business by serving in this capacity.

2/4/2009 9:46:58 AM by Ryan, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/30/2007