My husband abandoned me and my three children ages 4, 3 and 1 on August 22, 2008. I begged and pleaded, apologized to him if I did anything to hurt him. Asked him not to give up on his family especially for the sake of the children and because I loved. All of that has gone on deaf ears. He was saved in 2006 and I the following year. Since he has left he has bad mouthed me to his coworkers and friends and he is seeing another woman. From the phone records it looks like he met her on a wednesday, called her on thursday and abandoned us on friday. He won't admit that he is cheating, but then in the same sentence say "I'm not with you" as if to say its okay. He hasnt given me any money and he has only seen the children twice. My 4 year old told me that Daddy broke her heart and my three year old constantly cries for him. I can't even explain how tremendous this hurt is. I've stood by him through his drug addiction and never left his side even when I was going through my darkest days. Since he has left my hurt grows stronger and stronger. I just don't know to deal with this anymore. All I want is my marriage to work, but I lose hope especially because of my last phone call to him. I asked him if he wanted his family and that its wrong that he is cheating and he cussed me out and hung up on me. I can't believe that this is the person I married. I question God constantly why am I going through this? Will my husband ever come back home because it looks like we are headed for divorce. Why has my husband turned his back on the Lord? Why must my children suffer this generational curse? The questions go on and on. I feel like I'm not moving forward. I feel defeated.

9/30/2008 10:42:41 AM by nancy6, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/22/2008

i will pray for you and your family.God bless you

9/30/2008 3:11:31 PM by blue1, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/6/2008

I'm so sorry, this shouldn't happen, satan destroys familys he takes out the head, that leaves the rest weak and open, then the children blame God, don't go on with Him,ect, ect......If i were you, i'd pray for my husbands eyes to be open, for the Holy Spirit to fill him, for dream, visions, for Godly people to come into his life, BUT first i would FORGIVE him, for both our sakes, if i loved my husband and wanted him back, i'd stay in prayer for him, God can move mountains, i can't, God answers prayer, i can't, He knows the start and the end, i don't, i would focus on the children, cover them in prayer, make the home as happy as i could, not let them hear negitive things about, their father, let them see a mother that loves trusts God for them, satan has a plan, be a thorn in his side, wreck his plans, you can do that, have faith in your marriage restoratoin, God has a plan read Jeremiah 29:11, be part of that, it's a good one, in that plan you WIN. Lord i pray You fill Nancy6 with Your joy, peace and hope, give her the strength to walk through this, bring Godly people alongside, to encourage her, Lord i pray You, protect, provide, Your will be done. God bless you and the children.

9/30/2008 6:18:20 PM by mammak, Member of Delve into Jesus since 9/3/2008

The thief comes ONLY to steal, kill and destroy. Please know that it is satan who holds your husband captive. Your battle is to trust in God. I hope that you have a relationship with the Father. Work your faith. Father God is only obligated to His children. If you want your husband back, tell the Father. You have to forgive your husband from your heart. Pray for his soul. God id in the business of restoration. He sent His Only Son to die so that we could be restored to Him. He is the Only One who can restore your marriage. Don't ever say that you are defeated. This goes against the Word of God. The Bible says in all things He causes us to prosper and be victorious. You're a winner. You win when you believe in Jesus. The battle is God's. He never loses and as His child, you never lose either.

9/30/2008 7:07:27 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

Dear Nancy,
You may "feel" like you are defeated.
Don't go by you feelings, that won't get you anywhere.
Put your eyes on Jesus. Hold on tight to Him and His Word.
Get up and walk by faith in Him alone.
He will be your help, and your comfort.
He will lead you and guide you each step of the way.
Surrender ALL to Jesus.
(Even all your mistakes in your Marriage.
And all of your Husband's mistakes too.)
Remember the Cross.
Jesus is in the resurrection business.
The God of Hope!
Pour out your heart to Him.
Always pray and never give up!
Teach your Children that God is a Father that they
can trust. May His love flow through you to your Children.
Ask God how you can be the Wife and Mother He intended
you to be. Ask God to send people in your Husband's life,
to surround him with God's Word and truth.
May he see the errors of his way, repent, and return to you
and your Children.
(Psalm 23)
Teach this Psalm to your Children at an early age.
It is a solid truth to stand on!
It will keep you steady on calm or stormy days.
I will be praying for you and your Family.

10/2/2008 8:49:56 AM by Ignited~Faith, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/20/2008

Today I came across an article on:
"Dealing with disappointment."
(Just something to think about.)

http://bpf.gospelcom.net/disappointment.html

10/2/2008 6:18:44 PM by Ignited~Faith, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/20/2008

My heart is breaking for you also. Last year, a man whom I loved and went with for four years, dumped me. I suspected he was involved with another woman. I called him several times over the past year, hoping he would return to me, but to no avail. I was devastated. I began seeing a therapist who advised me not to call him, that it was only prolonging the hurt. She was right. It has been three months now and I haven't called him. I am trying to take care of myself now. I still hurt but not as much and I am trying to get on with my life.

I know you love this man, however, you need to stop hurting yourself by calling him. Your children sense your hurt and unhappiness. This man will come back to you. You have three small children together. For this woman to take him in, she is as low as he is. He is doing this because he knows ge can. You sound like a very good woman. He is the cruelest of persons. I would protect myself from his hurt. I would say the 23rd psalm over and over again, contemplating on the words. The Lord is my Sheperd... The more you say this prayer the less you will hurt, contemplating the words. He maketh me lie down in green pastures, he restoreth my soul...
Goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life. The Lord feels your hurt, he has given you this prayer to say, to calm you, to restoreth your soul which this man has tormented. If you take care of yourself and your three children, believe that the Lord will restore you to wholeness, you will be restored. You will not stop hurting competely but a calm will come over you. Because you know Jesus is with you. You will realize your husband is doing so wrong. You will never really be able to respect him again. He will never be able to affect you with the hurt he did again, because Jesus will protect you from that hurt. He will show you the immorality of this man, you will not want him back, even though the sleezeball will want to return, when he feels like it.


Elizabeth

12/2/2008 6:14:28 PM by elizabehth6, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/2/2008

all i want to say is god is with u and sees him also and u should love him the same because god is love I was brought up knowing u cant find happiness by makeing someone else miserable, the devil came to kill steal destroy tust me I know your husband will come to his senses i;ve been in the same situation with my wife we both seek the lord first and the rest shall follow + it's been 15years and we are both thirty besides where is your faith at sister? the lord wont ever put too much on us and you should know that faith makes the world go round and we have no control over what god has planned when he come back this time it'll be because god convicted him of his righteousness not of his sin but usually drugs play a major part in the devils play gotta know when to cut the strings though and stop playing a puppet pray for him trust me it work I'M a living testimony all glory to god and i will have you in prayer remember nomatter what it look like faith comes by hearing NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST US SHALL PROSPER god bless, jody

12/2/2008 11:38:05 PM by jodieblunt, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/2/2008

Nancy,i hope things are getting better for you and your children.i will pray for ya'll.and also your husband.i believe we can't change people but God can.all things are possible with God.may God bless you and your family.

12/4/2008 6:51:14 PM by blue1, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/6/2008

Nancy, I am in the same situation. My husband of 18 years (together 20) retired from the military. We faced horrible circumstances with his military retirement. We decided to leave FL and return to our home state of PA. He agreed to PA because it was important to me. I found a job for him in PA then stayed behind with the kids to sell the house, which never did sell. He seemed different and distant but explained that he was busy learning a new job. He found a house in PA. Once I expressed my concerns about the house being next to railroad tracks, he got angry, which was not typical of him. After that, he quit contacting us. I kept calling him, but he hung up every time I reached him and would send an email that his phone battery died. I knew he was lying about the battery. He never called us at all and would let 2 months go by without talking to the kids. I called every day leaving messages requesting that we talk about what to do with the house and make plans for the school year. He never returned calls. In June our 11-yr-old daughter told me dad called her and was flying in to fill up a truck to clear out anything that cluttered space so it was out of the way to sell the house. She said he wants her to go to PA with him. By this time I was pretty suspicious that he was seeing someone. When we picked him up at the airport, he never looked at me so I became very suspicious that he was seeing someone. He wore his wedding band and as he talked about us going to PA I thought maybe I was making a wrong presumption. My daugher told me she had a bad feeling about going with him and so did I. We all worked together loading the truck (I didn't know he was using us to steal from ourselves), and he called me along the road going back to PA. Once he got back to PA, calls stopped again. As the start of school approached, he wanted us up there. It was late in August and he had dodged phone calls for months so I asked if we would all live under the same roof once we got there. He said "no." He said he didn't love me anymore, and then I was certain he was seeing someone since it was the same words he used to exit his first marriage. So, I got in the car and drove 1200 miles to surprise him with a visit. It took some effort to find him because his phone battery died whenever we asked his address. We arrived in PA late on a Saturday and could see him with a woman through the window. He was speechless when he saw us at the door. He denied that we are his family and said "no" at least 100 times. Twenty years as an AF officer sworn to integrity and this is what he is worth! The person that stood before us was not my husband. He never even greeted his child. My daughter arranged for him to meet us since she was always daddy's little princess. He tried desperately to get her alone, but she refused so he reluctantly met us 3 days for a total of 3 hours. He was not my husband during that time. He looked and acted like a scared child. My daughter looked at me and said "that is not daddy." By the 3rd hour he was acting almost normal, but on the forth day, he stood us up. Late that night he took off to TN to go to HER family wedding in our family van while his daughter was left in a hotel pleading for him to take us to an amusement park. Long story how we found out about the family wedding. We stayed in PA for a month during which time he went into hiding. We have tried since to win him back letting him know he has a family that loves him, wants him, and needs him but he has shut us out. I told him we are a family and when one of us gets off track the rest of us are there to pull him back. I told him he is not only leaving me but destroying the family structure and security of the children and it will ruin their lives forever. We pray every day that God will lead him home to us and help us to lead him to Him. I told him I will forgive him because Jesus died on the cross teaching the importance of sorrow and forgiveness. It's hard holding onto faith, but my daughter will not let me say he is not coming home. She keeps reminding me to hold on to faith because there is nothing God cannot do. My husband's father cheated for years while his mother raised the kids alone. He is a stubborn, arrogant man. His grandfather abandoned his grandmother and family for another woman. My husband abandoned his first wife through an affair. I did not know the family history, but I knew his situation and was understanding of what I understood to be a teenage mistake with his first wife. Right now we are stuck in a place where we hate living.

12/12/2008 12:49:45 AM by cjp, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/11/2008

Nancy sent this as a reply to the automated emailed that goes out whenever someone posts, but I'm certain it was her intention to share this with all of you, so I've posted it here on her behalf:

---

Thank you so much for your e-mail. I am sorry I did not answer earlier, but I was so depressed over being shut-out of my boyfriend's life. I couldn't even open my e-mail. After six days I thought it was time to do so. Your husband, like my boyfriend, betrayed you and your family and acted in a cowardly manner. However, it sounds like you want him back and your family re-united. I want my boyfriend back also. I would call him only every one or two months, to give him space. He would come over, take me to a restaurant; later we would be "together" then he would not call and I would then call him a month or two later. Then the hurftul cycle of his visit and abandonment would repeat itself all over again. I would feel desolate and suicidal when he would not call. Recently, I started seeing a therapist. She has been a tremendous help to me. She told me to stop calling him or again the hurtful cycle would repeat itself. Though I still miss him, I realize the therapist is right. I have not called him in two and a half months. Though I still miss him; it is better than the suicidal depression I got when I called him and we were together, then he would not call. It seems he cares nothing about my feelings anymore. I know there has to be another woman involved. I lost my right breast to a masectomy two years ago. Before I had the operation, I asked him if it would matter to him. He said "I don't know." I began to eat a lot because I didn't care about my figure anymore. He would tell me I needed to lose 30 pounds.

I feel my therapist is an educated woman in her field and she know what she is talking about. That is not to say I do not weaken, and want to call him. The other night I wanted to call him, and was crying unitl I remembered my therapist's advice and decided not to call him. My daughter, who has her own apartment, is getting married next October and is in the mist of planning her wedding. I will be of no use to her if I am in a in complete desolation. I no longer mention my boyfriend's name in front of her, and pretend I am over him. I don't want to upset her anymore by continuing to talk about him as I did before seeing the therapist. After a few hours I felt strong again, and was glad I did not call him. My therapist said, my boyfriend may need space. Before we broke up he told me he felt trapped by me, his mother (who has psychological problems and whom he lives with, and also his sister, a widow who is constantly calling him and fighting with thei mother.) I don't know what is going to happen in the future. I started to say the "Lord's Prayer" every day and it has been very comforting. "The Lord is my Sheperd I shall not want" (one day he will take away this hurt and something good will happen to my life. I will not feel this way forever." ) "He leadeth me on the path of righteousness". (I am doing the right thing by not calling him and acting in a righeous manner for myself and my daughter.) "He maketh me lie down in green pastures", (He will console me during this most difficult time, if I believe he will) "He restoreth my soul" (one day I will be made whole again). "Goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life". (He brought this therapist into my life to help me. He will have mercy on me and help me along my path. (Good things will begin to happen to you). "I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever". (The Lord will welcome me at the end of my life and I will have joy with him and my loved ones.) I was told iby the therapist if stop calling my ex-boyfriend, he will wonder why, and begin to think about me and woner what I am doing. There is an excellent chance this will happen to you, if you do not call him except about the children. Do not ask him to come back. He must want to do that on his own. I realize that in my own situation now. I hope he is supporting the children. He may think you have someone else and it will make him worry, because even though he is acting the way he is, he does not really want to lose his family. As long as we keep begging them to come back, they will think you wil always be there, and there is no reason for him to not continue his current behavior.

However, I do not think that will happen in my situation, because the last time we went out, I couldn't hide my jealousy. As we sat down to dinner I immediately asked him who he was seeing, and he told me to "stop it". I also asked him if he "was still going in town" with his nephew. His nephew lives out-of-town and he would tell me his nephew was in for the weekend and they were going to a "football game, etc." I let him know that evening I now believe that was a lie. I acted indifferent to him. He wanted to go dancing, but I thought to myself, He wants to have me fall all over him, then have a little fling at the evning and nothe call me afterwards.. I refused to go dancing and said I wanted to go to the casino which he did not want to do. However, we went and I completely concentrated on the slots I was so angry and jealous At the door "I told him, I know how you are" in such a way that he knew I was referring to his cheating ways. I wanted him to realize I was serious person and would not be in a casual relationship and would no longer be treated like a one night stand just because he now had someone else and I called him. I think if you stop calling him and act like yu don't care, it iis the once chance you have to get him back. He may realize he may lose his family completely. As a footnote, I had planned to tell my boyfriend how I felt about him the last time I saw him, and have a nice evening. However, I was so angry when I saw him, because ohe told me he wanted to take me to a restaurant we had never been out to and that "you had to bring your own bottle". That set me off because I knew then, he had been there with another woman and he didn't care if I knew it or not.

Now, I have begun to pray all the time. My faith has never been stronger. As long as we do the right thing, we will be blessed and healed. Goodness always triumphs over evil in the end even. The truth is the Lord will never abandon us and he will comfort us but we must have faith. I hope I have been a comfort to you in some way. You have been a tremendouos source of strength for me. Please write me back, I think we can help eachother regardiing this terrible hurt we both are experiencing.. You cannot go through this alone. Perhaps, you can see someone as I did. Thank you again for e-mailing me.

Nancy

12/14/2008 10:05:32 AM by Michael Lane, Executive Director, Delve Christian Ministries

Nancy,you are a strong person i like the steps you have taken to better your life.you seem to be headed in the right direction.God bless you.i hope pray that Nancy6 has taken some of your advice.i will pray for each of you.i hope i got your names right.

12/14/2008 4:12:55 PM by blue1, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/6/2008

Would someone please clarify for me. There's Nancy6 with the blinded husband and another Nancy with the indifferent boyfriend, right?

12/14/2008 4:39:50 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

i am also confused about this

12/14/2008 9:40:17 PM by blue1, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/6/2008

Okay, I've waited three days for an answer tomy question. In three days, Jesus provided salvation for the whole world. He has provided the opportunity for all of us to rise from any situation in three days. All women shuld be able to bounce back from whatever a man has done in three days.

Jesus IS the Truth, the Way and the Light. He wants us, as women, to seek Him, first. We lust after men in vain. I just discovered "Lust" is anytime we want something or someone more than we want Jesus. I can see you all shaking your heads at me. That's okay because the truth does not change because you don't agree or understand. Think about it this way: Do you really need this person in your life to be happy? The Word of God says, the joy of the Lord is your strerngth.

If knowing that God is working everything out to your good is not enough to draw you out of a self-induced depression, nothing else really will. Sisters, please don't make a man your god. The first commandment is you should have no other god before Him. I post this in agape love as I, too, have been quilty of this very thing. But God has shown me the error of my ways concerning this and the Word of God says, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so."

I have been redeemed from this and commissioned to pass this information on to others. I, too, spent months in therapy because a boyfriend left me. We had a dinner date and he didn't show. When I called him, he didn't answer the phone. The next day I called his job only to find out he'd resigned. I went to his apartment and found out he'd moved. I was very depressed for weeks. Even with the therapy, I cried all day. Then one day, God spoke to me that He was the Truth, the light and the way. I went His way. That was 20 years ago.
Today, I am happily married to that man. The short version of my long story is that God did it. Bless His Holy name. He is the Only faithful One. So, if you want things to change in your relationship, change to the Only relationship that matters. Make it first and foremost.

12/17/2008 11:43:44 AM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

praise God he is the only way.keep your faith Nancy.God loves you and knows your situation.try to put it in Hands and believe.i am still praying for you and your family

12/17/2008 2:09:14 PM by blue1, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/6/2008