My children and I have been abandoned by my husband. Almost a month ago, he went on a trip that he said was for his job. He said he would be gone two days, kissed me before he left with a friend from work and went on his merry way. I called and left messages on his cell phone all weekend but didn't receive a call. Five days later, he called and told me he was coming home. I told him I didn't want him to come home. I told him to mail the money to pay the bills but because he had left and not called or let me know where he was for all those days, he couldn't come back home. This is after we separated for about six months last year when I found out he had been unfaithful to me. He lived with the woman for a few months and decided he had made a mistake and wanted to come back home. We went to counseling and worked on getting back together.

I have been a faithful loving wife. I am saved but my husband is not. He has left my children in I in financial straits. He was the breadwinner of the family. He has not called to ask to see our four year old son, who is confused as to what happened to his daddy. He left with all the money we had in the bank at the time. I receive Social Security disability which is one check per month. I have not been able to make ends meet.

However, I know that the Lord is bringing us through. Whenever I am down to my last penny, somehow, something shows up. We have been low on food, but somehow food shows up. I love the Lord and am in his service. I worship every week with my children. I keep them in church with me and in prayer.

Please pray for my family that we may continue to make it through each day. Please provide me with any scriptures you many think of that will encourage me to continue on. Also, I have learned that all marriages aren't made to work. Sometimes you have to realize the decision to choose the person you marry may be a wrong decision. I know the Lord is with us.

One of my favorite scriptures is Isaiah 54:17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue hat shall rise against thee in judgement thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

6/19/2008 3:06:15 PM by cintron37, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/19/2008

Psalm 34 and 91.

6/19/2008 7:27:29 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

Sister,

You told your husband you didn't want him to come home; is that really abandonment?

6/20/2008 10:06:13 AM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

Are you kidding me? I told him not to come home if he didn't have the money for the bills he was supposed to pay after he had been gone without a word for five days. That's what kind of sympathy you give on this website? Trying to pick apart my words. I cannot believe another woman would say something so cruel to someone who has not only been abandoned once but twice. Did you miss the part where he had an affair mrs. piggy? If this is the kind of sharing that goes on at delveintojesus.com I will not be back.

6/20/2008 5:17:31 PM by cintron37, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/19/2008

Sister,

I am sorry that you are offended that I questioned what you wrote. This is a discussion page, not prayer request. On the discussions, your words are up for dissection.

You also said you are saved. God said marriage is honorable. He was there when you made covenant with your husband. You titled this discussion, "Marriage that will not work out." Your words go against God's will. You should know that. Don't get mad at delveintojesus. Thats what I do, delve into Jesus and find out what He says about the thing.

You told your husband not to come home and want to label it "abandonment?" And you're the one who's saved? All things are possible with God!! Your marriage would work out IF you wanted it to. But God is not going to go against YOUR will. God's word is true. He watches over it to perform it. I hope you don't really think you are the only wife on this site whose husband has had an affair.

Sympathy? God has given you too much power to be soliciting sympathy. You are the one with life and death in the power of your tongue. You can change your situation with heartfelt prayer.

I strive ONLY to share the truth of God's Word.

6/20/2008 7:44:58 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

Cintron37,

Please accept my apologies for a few ways in which we have let you down. First, as executive director of Delve Christian Ministries, I try to welcome everyone personally when they first post in a discussion and I have been late in doing that for you. Better late than never -- please accept our sincere welcome. We want you to know how wonderful it is to have you here, and how deeply we all care about the situation you're facing.

Second, someone from our ministry should have joined the discussion to offer support, empathy and encouragement. I apologize that no one has yet done that. I think I know the perfect person from our staff to help and encourage you, and I will ask her to post something in the next day or two.

I don't want you to be offended and I certainly don't want you to leave and never come back. Please let me ask you to stay so that you can see how much the members of this site truly care about you, and so that you can experience some of the warmth and sharing that we have to offer.

It would be wonderful if you and MrsPiggy could start over. From my experience, she is a wise, godly woman who offers good counsel. I know that she truly does have compassion for people who are hurting (no one has done more to support our ministry over the years), but that it can sometimes take a while to appreciate where she's coming from. She can be very direct and forward, but I can assure you that her heart is full of compassion and love for you. It would be wonderful if the two of you could take a step back and start over. If you're not able to do that, please don't leave as we hope this web site still has much to offer. I know that MrsPiggy would not want you to leave on her behalf.

So, again, welcome and please accept our apologies for not doing a better job of welcoming you. Please email me anytime (my address is on the contact page) if there is every anything we can do to help.

6/20/2008 9:13:01 PM by Michael Lane, Executive Director, Delve Christian Ministries

Hi Cintron37,

Welcome on behalf of Delve Christian Ministries. Arsindelve felt that I might be the person to help you with this.

First, let me say that I am sorry that you are going through a tough time including financially and emotionally. Also, there is no excuse for a husband being unfaithful towards his spouse and I am sorry you have had to deal with this in your marriage.

One of the things that a Christian spouse married to a non-Christian spouse must realize is that we can not hold the non-Christian person to Christian standards. That is not to say, though, that they can cheat or be unfaithful (because there are moral standards) but that we can not expect them to conform to Christian beliefs because they are not "there" yet.

I would venture that some of the things you struggle with is abandonment and validation issues. It is possible that your response to him being gone and not calling upset you because you felt not only alone but that you worried he was being unfaithful again. A wife needs to feel validated, like she counts and that someone cares enough about her to call and be dependable. Women crave security and him leaving and not being able to be reached made you feel like you had no control over the situation-thus the reason you told him not to come back. Perhaps it was an over-reaction or maybe it was you finally at your breaking point, but the bottom line is you need to feel secure and loved. Things that right now, your husband is having a hard time giving you.

Right now, you are probably at the point where you want this marriage to end- or the hurting to end. The best way to deal with this is to first forgive your husband (which is different from letting him off the hook). This will allow you to move forward without bitterness. No one can tell you whether or not your relationship will work out (although his past behavior may be indicative of future behavior), but do trust God to show you what steps you need to take next. If it is going to work, not only do you have to forgive but you have to make sure that this is something you are open to, despite his failings.

It is possible that another separation for a while might be a good idea while both you and your spouse work things out. While God does not wish anyone to divorce, human failings cause marriages to not work out. Divorce is never a solution that God created-it is a man-made solution to human problems. In your situation, while unfaithfulness is grounds for a divorce, God can still provide reconciliation despite unfaithfulness. Make sure that if you feel God leading you to leave this relationship that you have truly done all you can before you leave so that you never have any regrets and so that you know when you stand before God you will know you did the best you could to honor His will.

Also, your priority right now is to your children which means that while he is not in your life, you must be careful not to bad-mouth him or allow your feelings to filter down onto your children where they feel responsible for what is going on or where they in turn feel abandoned.

You can't control what someone else does--if your husband decides not to call or speak to your son, then that is his choice. You can only control what you do, so make sure that what you do reflects what you know God would have you do.

As far as financially, it sounds like God has provided for you even when you were at your last dollar. Now is the time, though, to plan for the future- whether or not you reconcile, it would be wise to investigate ways that you can earn income (if you are physically able to work) so that you and your children are not dependent on him. This will allow you to feel more in control of your situation.

Don't let what you are going through get your self-esteem down. While you can not change someone else, you can work on yourself during this time and become stronger for it.

If you feel like you made a mistake or that you asked your husband to stay away out of pure frustration and anger (which all sounds like legitimate feelings) then humble yourself and ask his forgiveness for your reaction.

Also, you can go to counseling without him so that someone else can help you make wise choices and help you through this situation. Sometimes you need an outside party to help you through this because you are too emotionally invested in it.

I hope this helps. Remember that God is bigger and wiser and stronger than all your problems and that He is the one with the answers. Continue to pray and attend church and trust that God will help you through this one step at a time. Don't try to make huge decisions all at once..take things just one day at a time and allow yourself to be open to any direction in which God leads you.

Elizabeth

6/20/2008 10:59:35 PM by Elizabeth, Vice-President, Delve Christian Ministries

I want to thank all of you who have had encouraging things to say. I wasn't looking for special treatment, I thought I had lucked upon a site where I could share with others my struggles, maybe get some sound advice and some great scriptures to read. What I didn't get was understanding or love.

I am a young in my walk with the Lord but I do love him and am all about praising him in everything I do. I just wanted to share what I was going through and hope that someone had some kind words for me. Some days are better than others and the day I posted my topic was a very bad day for me. It is very difficult going through a second separation with my husband and explaining to my four year old son that daddy left and I don't know where he is or how to get in touch with him. He left us with a ton of bills to pay and no transportation. I said in my first posting that I was distressed and I still am. I was just taken aback by what Mrs. Piggy had to say. As a christian woman, I wouldn't put blame on someone looking for help, the first chance I got.

I will continue to try to share with everyone on this site and hope that in the future, my experiences will be better. I love the Lord and I hope that his love comes out of me. I would still appreciate any advice that anyone has. I know that for me, my marriage is over. We have been through counseling and separation and my husband has been unfaithful and not trustworthy. I just need strength and friendship to get me through.

Thank you and God Bless You.

6/21/2008 2:26:03 PM by cintron37, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/19/2008

Again, Mrs. Piggy, I don't see that you mean me any good. I am sorry to say so but please do not comment on my situation in the future. I am not totally responsible for my marriage. My marriage would only work if both he and I wanted it to work. You are completely set on putting the blame on me because I told him not to come back after he left for five days without a word. Yes, I do think that's abandonement. He left. He didn't return or call for five days while my kids and I were home waiting for him. What do you call that? Instead of trying to be so helpful, why don't you just skip my discussion. You have really made this experience for frustrating for me.

I also don't like that way you are questioning my relationship with God. I know that I have been blessed and will continue to be blessed. Without you knowing the entire situation, I think you should have been more understanding instead of pointing the finger.

Again, I love the Lord. I have been a faithful and loving wife which the Lord knows. I have worked hard to make my marriage successful but my husband is not saved and does not want to be saved. My job now is to continue to serve the Lord, keep my children with me in church and hope that there are more people out there who understand that one person working hard to save a marriage is not enough. Not everyone should comment on every situation if they don't have something encouraging to say.

God Bless.

6/21/2008 2:47:42 PM by cintron37, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/19/2008

Again, I apologize. I hope that as you mature in your Chrisitian walk, you will discover forgiveness for me. It was not my intention to offend you.

6/21/2008 4:01:52 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

Hi Cintron37,

I am sorry you are suffering with these grievous circumstances. In your first post you asked for prayer and scriptures; I am happy to provide both. The faith you demonstrate makes me wonder if you have already considered these three passages:
Psalm 68:4-6
Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds his name is the LORD and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

Deuteronomy 10:17-19
For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt.

Psalm 10:14
But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.

Legally you may not be a widow or have fatherless children but, Im sure God defends you all the same, due to abandonment. I am sorry your husband is not present to care for his wife and children however, it can be comforting to know God cares for you and instructs His people to do the same. I would also like to pray for your husband. I cant imagine what pain he will endure when he awakens to comprehend the suffering he has caused to a loving wife and precious little ones. The following is a scripture of hope for your husband:
Luke 1:16-18
Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteousto make ready a people prepared for the Lord."

I am glad to read your comments such as:

However, I know that the Lord is bringing us through. Whenever I am down to my last penny, somehow, something shows up. We have been low on food, but somehow food shows up. I love the Lord and am in his service. I worship every week with my children. I keep them in church with me and in prayer.

Your faith and commitment to serving God is encouraging to others, as is seeing your physical needs being provided. I'm wondering if you have told your pastor about the financial needs you have. It would be great to see your church rally to your aid, if they are able to do so. The Christian members of your community would benefit from the opportunity to care for your family. I often think about these verses in regard to assisting people materially:
James 2:15-17
Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

I hope you feel you are not alone in this trial; I am confident many regulars at this site care for you and your children and will faithfully remember your needs in prayer.

6/21/2008 7:30:01 PM by Ryan, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/30/2007

Thank you very much for your thoughts and prayers. I have let some people know at my church was has been happening and they have helped me a little with money and abundantly with prayer and fellowship. I feel that I am not alone and that there is someone I could always go to in a time of need. Anyway, I thank you for your kind words and have been reading and meditating on the word this evening.

6/21/2008 11:19:22 PM by cintron37, Member of Delve into Jesus since 6/19/2008

Dear (((Cintron)))
I wish I could reach through the computer screen and just give you a great big hug! I'm so sorry what you have been going through.
(I cried after I read your story. It is too close to home. Someone very close to me who I love in going through a very similar ordeal.)
Day by day, God shows Himself faithful. I am so happy to hear your love for the Lord! And for His Word! It will support you and strengthen you in your time of need. Here are some verses that I pray will bless and lift your spirit!

"How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee."
Psalm 139:17-18

"But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;"
1 Peter 2:9

"Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."
Luke 6:38

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19

"How amiable are thy tabernacles, O LORD of hosts!
My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of the LORD: my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God.
Yea, the sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, even thine altars, O LORD of hosts, my King, and my God.
Blessed are they that dwell in thy house: they will be still praising thee. Selah.
Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of them.
Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools.
They go from strength to strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God.
O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer: give ear, O God of Jacob. Selah.
Behold, O God our shield, and look upon the face of thine anointed.
For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee."
Psalm 84

One more thing Cintron,
I pray that you will give MrsPiggy another chance.
I have come to know and love her here on Delve into Jesus!
I know she would not intentionally harm anyone!
(Sometimes it is a little hard to communicate fully just by typing! None of us are perfect!) I've seen it happen over and over...
and suddenly, the person who bugged you the most, you suddenly click with! And you both bless each other, and I know God is glorified!
(Anyway, think and pray about it. It could turn out to be a real blessing! God love unity!)
God bless you Cintron! I'm so glad God brought you to this web site!

6/22/2008 2:21:48 AM by Ignited~Faith, Member of Delve into Jesus since 2/20/2008

I feel your pain. My husband started out with coming home late and then not coming home at all for days then weeks. He blamed me for being to needy. I really just wanted to spend time with him as a family and do things family's do. I was married for 10 years before I realized with the churchs help that God was not trying to punish me by making me stay with my husband. He was unfaithful and had other children by other women while we were married and I kept on because I though it was my punishment for getting pregnant with his child before we were married. God is a God of LOVE and Compassion.... I know that now he wasnt trying to punish me only allowing me to decide my path to follow HIM. I will pray for you to find peace.

8/7/2008 9:20:12 PM by js1975, Member of Delve into Jesus since 8/6/2008

I have read your post...in fact I have read the whole page...I must honestly say that I am almost skeptical about leaving a comment. I have been through all of what you are speaking of...I left my husband..he was unfaithful...we had kids...and I went through a stage of calling it abandoment...although I am the one that came up with the seperation. I wanted my cake and eat it too...I have matured now and I see more wrong in me than in others. I learned that in a walk with Christ I am not so easily offended..that is not of God. By NO MEANS do I want to offend you...but in order to receive what you seek you have to be a little more less offensive. I wish Mrspiggy was around..or that I knew of this website or her when I was going through it. I was only hearing what I wanted to hear and that really made the situation harder to get through. What I really needed was to hear the TRUTH!!! I feel as though Ihave said too much...so with that said I pray that God heals your heart and opens your eyes more spirtitually and that He continues to bless you, your husband and the children in Jesus name.

1/17/2009 12:51:10 PM by mexbias08, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/25/2008

I think I have read every bit of marriage encouragement posted to this site. It has been quite an education - one I hope will be more of a preventative strategy in my own marriage, and one that has broader applications in life too.

The example of so many spouses, mainly wives, who are standing on the Word of God for the restoration of their marriages has taught me much about human love, faith and divine love. I've also greatly grown in awareness and appreciation for how women of faith cope with the heartaches of marital discord.

It's wonderful that people have this forum to support and guide each other through trying circumstances. While reading and benefiting form these posts, I've had a few questions about the advice offered, but didn't want to mention them due to fear of worsening the emotional strain of those who are suffering. However, after noticing this discussion was reactivated this week, I thought it would be a harmless place to interject one question.

A couple I know has separated due to infidelity. They haven't asked for my advice, but since they often talk of the trauma, I've tried to formulate a response in case they do ask.

A few times here, people have advised spouses who have suffered physical abuse to separate them selves from the perpetrators. Obviously, abuse is a scenario that is likely to be repeated.

I can't recall one occasion when a person was advised to consider leaving a spouse who had been sexually unfaithful (an offence which also has a high rate of reoccurrence), even though scriptures like Matthew 5:32 provide grounds for divorce in such cases.

I completely understand mentioning someone could take steps to protect herself from being physically assaulted and to shield children form witnessing a violent incident or its aftermath.

My dilemma:
Personally, I'd prefer to be slugged in the face rather than be kicked around by something like herpes or HIV.

If there could be any good thing about physical abuse it may be that it is direct - the victim knows it's going down immediately and therefore may be able to take action which limits the intensity of the abuse and may ultimately prevent fatality.

Infidelity is usually concealed for a time - long enough for its victims to possibly have been infected with diseases which can be physically devastating and even terminal.

In many of the shared stories of infidelity, it appears the cheating spouse may be in multiple high risk categories. Certainly, the conception of a baby out of wedlock may be an indicator of a lack of disease prevention precautions. The ravages of a STD on a parent may also harm the children.

Surely, the best advice is to seek God's direction and know He can provide complete healing in any relationship. So, while I'm inspired by the advice related to standing for marriage, I wonder why no one mentions the need for extreme personal caution in the cases involving unfaithfulness? I never see anyone suggest that a spouse wait for God to intervene while the beatings continue. Do people not caution others about infidelity the same why they warn about physical abuse because the inherent risks and necessary safety measures after infidelity are so obvious they don't need to be stated?

1/21/2009 5:16:45 PM by Ryan, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/30/2007

Brother Ryan,

Only you would think along this path. Funny that you brought the subject up. Once a while back, my sister-in-law came to me saying she suspected my brother of cheating. I was amused because she is a clinical professor who lectures on STDs. She gave out "little protection packets" to people every day.

I suggested she give some to her husband, my brother, and she said, "No, that would hurt his feelings." I said, "His hurt feelings or your dead body, choose." They split up soon after. I still don't know if there was another woman involved.

I agree with your assessment. Women should protect their bodies. Especially women of God. We must remember our body is His temple.

I apologize if my words are offensive to anyone.

1/22/2009 12:13:28 AM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008