A couple whose marriage is 17months old has a slight setback in the sense that the husband experieced erectal dysfunction right from the 1st night of the wedding to date. I speak in the past tense becos its belived that God has already healed the husband of his affliction. The wife later travelled for a 2 month academic fellowship far away from home and met a male fellow who came for the same programe and had sex with him marathonly because she had been deprived of such by reason of her husbands situation. The husband heard somehow and was really shattered. Should the marriage be desolved in view of their situation, even though the husband is still willing to have his wife back? He believes the affliction is but for a season but the wife could not hold on.

5/24/2008 6:57:58 PM by joseph, Member of Delve into Jesus since 5/24/2008

Are these people born-again Christians? The reason I asked is because we are commanded to forgive, even if adultry has been commited. As my Pastor said this week. Even if he divorces her, he still has to forgive her so they may as well stay married.

Next question> Did their vows include the words, "For better or for worse"? If so, the wife should consider a cold shower and remain loyal to her husband. I believe Malachi 2:14-16 goes both ways. The concept of being disloyal to your spouse was so important, it was addressed the chapter before tithes and offerings.

Both need to pray the prayer of forgiveness, accept God's forgiveness and mercy and be faithful in their marriage.

5/24/2008 8:53:55 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

I need to echo everything Mrs. Piggy said. Her advice is wise, and in my opinion, Biblical. With the possible exception of abusive relationships, all marriages need to be saved, no matter how much work it takes. Speaking as someone recently married, I can tell you it's often more work than we think it's going to be. I tend to think that too many couples give up too soon. I think there is an unspoken expectation that marriage will be easy, and so when the reality settles in and it turns out to be really hard, people bail out. But just as hard as marriage might be, it's importance cannot be overstated. It's worth it!

I won't condone what she did on any level - it's devastating and inexcusable - but it can be forgiven as God forgives us. Adultery is terrible, but with God at the center of the relationship, it can be salvaged. I can tell you that it is always God's will that two people who have pledged themselves to one another Him should make it work. May God grant us the grace, courage and strength to do so!

5/25/2008 8:36:17 PM by Michael Lane, Executive Director, Delve Christian Ministries

The thing of it is that marriage should not be hard. Ideally, both parties should have God first in their life, then their spouse. Each spouse should place the other higher than theirself. Neither can place his own needs first. That's called selfishness and there is no place for selfishness in the kingdom of God. I think it's what causes marriages to "break". We really need to operate in kingdom principles at all times. We tend to forget that our spouses are also our neighbors. We should love them as we love ourselves. And at the same time, esteem them higher than ourselves. And when things get out of joint, practice forgiveness. Over and over.

5/26/2008 10:46:14 AM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

Talking about the circumstancial Infidelity,the couple involved are born again christians. Sometimes things just get out of control. The husband has forgiven his wife but she's still indifferent and unremorseful because she feels justified and that the fault is the husband's. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit convicts her of her sinful act. After all, Her husband wasn't born like that. its an affliction which but for a season which the Lord has already removed but would manifest in due course according tothe husband's faith. I rather believe they should agree together and face the challenge. After all, thats the essence of (marriage) two heads better than one.

5/26/2008 11:24:10 AM by joseph, Member of Delve into Jesus since 5/24/2008

Are you sure she's born-again? There is no such thing as "justified sin". Even baby believers know that. That's called rebellion. She needs to understand the consequences of her actions/attitude. I'm sure she has family and friends she holds dear. What if one of them is in need? She can't pray effectively for that person because God will not answer her prayers. God, in His wisdom knew we would still fall into sin, so He prepared a way out called, "forgiveness". His Word says He will forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. Meaning He will put us back in right standing with Him. THEN, it will be to Him as if we never commited the sin and we can "ask whatsoever we desire" of Him in Jesus name and receive it.

How can she allow satan to hold her in such selfishness!! Now, people she could have prayed for won't get what they need because she has chosen to walk in rebellion instead of forgiveness.

She blames her husband? Okay, she is suffering from "Adam syndrome". Until she repents and seeks God's forgiveness, she is endangering her soul. It's gone beyond the adultery now.

5/26/2008 11:48:23 AM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008

This dilemma has been perplexing me for many reasons. One reason is the large number of prayer requests seeking restoration in marriages due to infidelity and secondly, the on-going parade of high profile sex scandals in the Church is sickening. It is so disheartening to see so many people being torn apart by of this type of sin.

One statement I became focused on was regarding the woman's response to her sin. I agree that "justifiable sin" does not exist. However, human reasoning - justifying sin - is a major reason people sin, continue in sin or attempt to cover up sin. Since this is somewhat of a hypothetical situation (since all the details are not known), we don't know if she is a born-again believer. However, the media has supplied details of many, actual sex scandals in the Church that were at first denied, followed by explanations and in only some cases resulting in known repentance. Christianity suffers on-going hits to our reputation because the non-believing public gets treated to the hypocrisy of the Christians involved, but little is said of the repentance and forgiveness of those impacted by the sin. I would not want to mention any of these cases specifically; preferring instead to leave them between God and the individuals involved. We do have the Biblical example of King David, who was known as a man after God's own heart. He committed adultery, and then went on to commit deceit and murder, attempting to cover the adultery. God brought him to repentance and he was restored (however the shame and pain has endured through time).

Certainly, we all would agree that this example of adultery is particularly repulsive, and only made worse by the woman's manner of dealing with her sin. As horrendous as this case is, the wife seems to be following into a long-established response pattern to sin. I think we are so offended by her actions because we could never imagine ourselves treating our spouses, or God, in such a manner. Yet we know all sin grieves God; all sin bears the same penalty. Therefore, we probably all deal with the sins we do commit in similar manners, such as attempting to justify our actions. Perhaps we may even be likely to overlook some of our sins if we can easily justify them because they dont seem to be as glaringly vile or readily observed by others. It is right to be shocked by this woman's actions but, if we can't see how we may be prone to acting with the same response pattern, then we probably will employ the same defense mechanism when we do sin. In this way, sin does beget sin.

Personally, I would hope that this woman would come to a full awareness of how her sin hurts God and how His love has paid for her sin. I would also desire that she see her husband is demonstrating a tremendous amount of love toward her by forgiving her and wanting to save the marriage. This type of love is one she may not likely encounter again in her lifetime, and would be a tragedy to lose.

For the rest of us, the valuable lessons may be in recognizing how we are all prone to succumbing to sin, learning how we all use similar devices to deal with our sins and growing in the ability to assist people toward repentance so that they will be restored. Yes, we all must stand up firmly and loudly denounce sin. However, I would want all the sinners of the world to know Christians, through Christ, have the willingness and ability to support their way toward reconciliation with God.

5/27/2008 8:50:37 PM by Ryan, Member of Delve into Jesus since 12/30/2007

Ryan, the peacemaker,

You are so right. Last week I told a lie. I felt conviction through the Holy Spirit. I confessed the sin to God and asked His forgiveness. I know that He has forgiven me and can now go to Him for anything in prayer. This women's adultery is no greater than the lie I told in the eyes of God. But, I knew that what I did was a sin and while I could have justified to myself the reason, it was still sin and I knew I needed to be cleansed of it. And I will still have to suffer the consequence of it.

According to the post, she not only comitted adultery, she blamed her husband and is indifferent and unremorseful (rebellion). It is my opinion that when a married person commits adultery they are not just breaking faith with their spouse, but with God also. He not only ordained marriage, He was there at the altar during the wedding. He was the main witness and the third party to the marriage.We take vows before God and man. I pray that the Holy Spirit will pierce her heart and show her the error of her attitude. She is well aware of the error of her action. I have aligned my will with God's will. I don't wish to see her perish either. It is better to burn with passion than to burn in hell.

5/27/2008 11:15:27 PM by mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008