For many years, we've had tremendous financial trials. My husband had to change careers, going from earning 50-100/hr to 8/hr. After changing careers many times, he finally landed himself in a program that started at 8.50 but he's earned his way up to 20.That took 9 years. I am finally earning a decent wage. YOu see, we had 3 children, all 1.5 yrs apart. Coulnd't afford daycare. Though our many trials, God's hand has been with us all the time. We were finally able to purchase a house. It's been hard, but He's been faithful. Then I had the death of both of my parents within 2 years and the death of my sister followed 6 months later. I didn't think I could take any more. My heart was broken. As I healed, again, I felt the presence of God. Now, I have some of my greatest challenges. During a period when I was laid off due to downsizing, my son was in a car accident without insurance because I had to choose between utilities and car insurance. Now they are suing us. I had a lawyer, pro-bono, but now I processed paperwork late (I didn't know there was a deadlind) and they want to come after my husband and our house. I had my car reposessed for the March payment, it was taken early April. They never warned me. I had every intention of paying it in one week, but now, it's one more thing n my credit to ruin me. My second son was accepted into Mizzou for Journalism (1 in the country) but I can't secure financing. We are not poverty for grants but earn too little for additional loans (took some out for the first son). He has no credit and I can't co-sign. My son needs a co-signer which I cannot do. We've sacrificed everything to keep them in good schools and to get to college, just to have the doors closed. Finally, my husband and my daughter have anger issues. Because these things are going on, my husband cannot handle the stress and his anger can get really ugly. My daughter can be extremely stubborn and refuses to back down from him. I came home last night to see them fighting and I was overwhelmed with guilt, sadness, anxiety. They both hurt each other deeply. I know I still have lessons to learn from this, but boy, do I need a break. My husband and I should be getting ready to retire but we have nothing. Makes one feel hopeless. My anxiety attacks are so severe, I shake, cry, can't focus, I'm dizzy, nauseaus. They consume me. It takes all of my effort at times like these to refer to: Philippians 4 or Matthew 6.
I am glad I found this site because it is the first step to remembering Peace in Trials. Just remember, when we are in spiritual warfares, God will always show us our refuge. Just make sure you take it. It could be someone you least expect or a situation that you never would have considered. Keep the Peace in God. He is faithful.
|