Forgiving Ourselves

Posted by arsindelve, Executive Director, Delve Christian Ministries

And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's people, let us go right into the presence of God, with true hearts fully trusting him. For our evil consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. - Hebrews 10:21-22


The last devotional discussed the topic of forgiveness, but one important aspect was not addressed and that is the issue of forgiving oneself. It would seem that of all the people who have wronged us, the easiest to forgive would be ourselves since we are uniquely able to judge the depth of our own remorse and forgive accordingly. However, that is a misconception which we covered in the previous devotional; true forgiveness does not depend on the wrongdoer's level of remorse. We need to forgive for our sake and for the sake of our relationship with Christ, even if the offender will not even acknowledge the hurt they have caused. Forgiveness is for our benefit, not theirs.

Why is it often so hard to forgive ourselves? Being both the wronged and the wrongdoer places us in the awkward position of being able to reject the forgiveness. A thief cannot reject the forgiveness his victim offers since it is not for his sake that it is offered. Yet, we can and often do refuse the choice to forgive ourselves because we are experiencing tremendous guilt and believe that we deserve more punishment. Failing to forgive ourselves is one way to keep the punishment in effect. It is a way for us to martyr ourselves over and over again.

The foolishness of this practice should be self evident. What can our self inflicted punishment do to help our victim, or for that matter, ourselves? What good can come of it?

It's common to hold on to guilt and shame when we've hurt someone, but those feelings do not come from God. They come from the enemy. Guilt and shame prolong pain and suffering while providing nothing of value to anyone. They leave us looking back, and while we're busy focusing on the past, it's very difficult to move forward with Christ.

Instead of guilt, God requires repentance. These two words mean very different things. Repentance is an acknowledgment of the wrong we have done followed by a commitment to change our ways, but guilt carries no such commitment. Guilt causes us to live in the shadow of our past disgrace, while repentance looks forward in anticipation of God's grace.

We know that because of Christ's amazing sacrifice, all our sins are forgiven whenever we call upon the Lord with a repentant heart. God has the most perfect sense of justice in all of creation, yet in His mercy He has decreed that all offenses are paid in full by Christ's blood for those who call Him Savior. In His eyes, we stand worthy to be forgiven.

If we fail to forgive ourselves, what we are saying is that we have a more stringent standard of justice than God's and by that standard, we are not worthy of forgiveness. In other words, we know better than God, and though He might decide that it's fine to forgive us, we know better.

What does that say about Christ's sacrifice, by which we're reconciled to the Father? What message do we send to God when we will not forgive ourselves? If God forgives our offense, surely we must do the same otherwise we demonstrate some measure of contempt for the cross.

We must forgive ourselves as we forgive others and for all the same reasons - so that we can move past anger, bitterness, loss and regret. There is no honor in guilt and there is nothing to be gained in prolonging our punishment. There is no exception in God's laws about forgiving ourselves so we must remember to apply this commandment to ourselves. Never forget that guilt and shame come from the enemy, so do not give them a foothold. Replace guilt with repentance and begin moving ahead to where Jesus is waiting to continue His walk with you.

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