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Forgiveness

Posted by arsindelve, Executive Director, Delve Christian Ministries
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For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. - Matthew 6:14-15

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you". - Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is surely one of the most misunderstood concepts in Christianity. Despite the fact that we are all called to forgive as our Father in Heaven forgives, misunderstandings are widespread. In this devotional, we want to broaden your understanding of what it means to truly forgive.

As is so often the case, it's easier to consider forgiveness by taking a look at what it's not.

First, we have to acknowledge that forgiveness is not an emotion. It is a conscious choice which has nothing to do with how we feel. Forgiveness happens when we choose that we will no longer expect those who hurt us to repay us for the harm that was done. We choose that we will get on with our lives and no longer dwell on the hurt.

In past devotionals, we've looked at other, similar choices we are called to make which are often confused with a feeling. These include our choice to love our enemies, our choice to be humble and our choice to be thankful. Forgiveness certainly falls into this category. If we believe that we have to wait for our anger to subside before we can forgive, then we have the issue entirely reversed. The choice to forgive comes first; the soothing of our emotions happens consequently.

Forgiveness is not initially about the person who wronged us; it's about us. If we will not forgive someone who failed to meet our expectations, we start to change on the inside. We grow in anger and resentment. The quality of our own life continuously suffers and in this way, we compound the wrongdoing until it becomes something far more damaging than it originally was. One of the most important reasons we must forgive is that we cannot grow into the mature Christian whom Jesus is calling us to be with all that hurt and animosity building up inside us. Forgiveness is that act by which we release ourselves from our own prison of bitterness.

Forgiveness does not require that the wrongdoer apologize or is remorseful. It does not even require that they are aware of the fact that they hurt us. All that is required is that we simply say, "I'm letting this go. I will not let this incident change me in any way. I'm getting over it." What the wrongdoer does or does not do should make no difference in our decision to move past it and begin our healing. As we release them from their duty to remedy the harm that was done, we release ourselves from the burden of making them accountable to their responsibility.

Forgiveness does not mean that we forget the offense and it certainly does not mean that we need to stay in a relationship with the one who wronged us. If someone hurt one of my children, you can be certain that I would never forget and would never again allow them to be near my children. If it were a friend of mine who did such a terrible thing, then we could no longer be friends after such a violation of trust. Forgiveness does not require that relationships never change. It does require that we move past the incident in our hearts and that we refrain from dwelling on it.

Finally, forgiveness does not mean that the wrongdoer "gets away with it" or is "off the hook." It certainly does not mean that we condone what was done to us. Lewis Smedes explains,

When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it. "


Furthermore, our forgiveness does not prevent us from calling out to God and asking for His perfect justice to be done. A person who steals or murders should face the appropriate penalties under God's laws. Forgiveness changes the reason we desire that they should be brought to justice before Him. Before we forgive, it's natural to feel that they should be made to suffer just as they made us suffer. We want them to pay for what they've done to us! After we forgive, a transformation happens in our heart. We have released them from their obligation to us and so we can now pursue God's justice for its own sake, not for our own; For His Glory, not for our revenge. We trust their fate to God, content that they no longer have any obligation or responsibility to us.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is also not optional - our Lord commands it in Matthew 6:14 as a prerequisite for our own sins being forgiven.

If you are having difficulty forgiving someone today, take a moment and examine your reasons. Is it because the hurt is so big? The bigger the hurt, the more devastating is your prison of bitterness and therefore the more important it becomes to let yourself out. Are you having difficulty because they have not apologized and show no signs of changing their behavior? Remember that your forgiveness is about you, not about them. Are you struggling because you are still so angry and hurt? The pain will not subside until you make the choice to forgive. Ask the Lord for the strength and conviction to emulate Him, and make that decision today.

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Comments


I agree with this devotional, however, I have a friend to withdraw from me because she thought I said something to offend her, which was not true at all, but never told me. It was a big misunderstanding...She never gave me a chance to talk to her, but just dropped our friendship thru an email. I have forgiven her, but I am not sure how to be able to talk to her about the issue for she can be very harsh and touchy...what do I do...go on and eventually pray that she will come and talk or pursue a time to talk to her? I really would like an answer.
9/30/2008 4:50:21 PM - anonymous


I have a family member who has lied about me to the federal goverment to obtain money not due her. She continues to want to assume things about me that are not true and is quick to judge and criticize. Whatever weaknesses or disadvantages she thinks I have she uses against me. She has caused me much pain and inconvenience. I believe I have forgiven her and do love her, but I don't believe that that means that she should not be held accountable for what she has done. Many people suffer due to the unwanted decisions and actions of others. Then, those we end up involved with don't know what to do with us, and force their ways and beliefs on us. You've got people who want others to respect them and treat them well, but don't know how to apply this when it comes to those around them. The lack of love and tolerance in today's society is really sad!! If all you are worried about is doing your jobs and getting your paychecks, I pity you!! You also have to stop worrying and being envious of what other people have and how they obtained it. Be thankful for what you have, and make responsible decisons. What we all do has an impact on someone else.
10/1/2008 5:49:36 PM - anonymous


This is the best article I have ever seen on forgiveness, It has helped me to understand a lot I didn't know, and I am thankful for this post.
10/3/2008 7:24:15 AM - anonymous


I have been struggling with my sister because she has infactuated the truth about a gun that her nephew owned. She has made my son a victim of her evil ways despite the fact that my son took the gun away from her son that was playing with it and was only waiting for her nephew to arrive home to give it back to him. My son is not a troubled child just naive to the real evils on this earth. My prayer is what the article stated real justice by God will be done and that God will be a very present help in the time of trouble and that what has been done in darkness will be bought to light in the courtroom and in their home. Pray with me to forgive my sister and for my son not to be convicted of anything and for God to continue being present in his life. My heart belongs to God and I will forgive.
10/9/2008 7:48:23 AM - anonymous


Where do I begin. I fell. I fell short of the Glory of God. i slept with a man from my church. I gave him my heart. He tired of me and threw me away like I was nothing! He left me feeling rejected, alone, unwanted. He chose to be with someone else. That hurt me even more. God forgae me and ,lifted me up. He was close to me and healed my broken spirit. My prayer now is that I completely forgive this man. x
10/9/2008 5:11:26 PM - anonymous


I have a family member who brought false charges against my brother.This evil has gone on for over five years now. He was innocent of the charges. When others see his charges that are only 1 page compared to their book or novel of charges they shake thier head and say WHY? He was first released from the law because of lack of evidence but a teacher, concellor, principle pushed and pushed the issue. Needles to say, it is a very long story, he went to prision for 5 years. Two churches came against each other,several close friends and close family members split their belives and trusts on who told the truth. The accuser's own step sister and two grandmothers came against their story. But accuser walked away as though nothing happened, to this day the accuser can not look me in the face because they know it is a lie.So they recieved a 4 year college tution paid, because they were viewed as the victim. While the rest of us was out 30,000 plus for his defense. In the court room, we took the plea bargin to protect the accuser,when they walked in you could see and feel the dark cloud of pure evil. All the christians in the room saw and felt it. We are all broken up as a faimly now and trying to make sense of all of this. I keep reading Matt.6:14,15 to my family and in prayer and devotions. Please help me pray for the rest of the gang. That there will be a healing and forgiveness. I want the father to forgive us.
10/15/2008 10:27:09 AM - anonymous


This article has helped me understand then forgive my friends. I really like the quote by Lewis B. Smedes.
10/20/2008 7:10:23 PM - Duker, Member of Delve into Jesus since 10/20/2008


Awesome devotional. By the responses, I think maybe you need a discussion on forgiveness.
10/21/2008 6:39:38 PM - mrspiggy, Member of Delve into Jesus since 1/18/2008


Mrs. Piggy has graciously started a new discussion topic on forgiveness, and you can find it by clicking here. Thank you for thinking of this. I think it's an excellent idea, since it's clear that many people struggle with this issue. Anyone reading this devotional - if you want to to talk to us about the difficult time you're having forgiving someone, please join the discussion. It helps to talk it out. We'll give the best advice we can offer and more importantly, we'll pray with you. Hope to see you there.
10/22/2008 7:39:44 AM - arsindelve, Executive Director, Delve Christian Ministries


This is to encourage fellow faithfuls out there to always learn to forgive from the bottom of your heart. Remember, however much you pray to God with bitterness in your heart, your prayers will not be answered.Seek for reconciliation and curse not but pray for those who hurt us,prayer overcomes evil.
God bless you.
10/23/2008 5:49:36 AM - anonymous


This is an awesome devotional on forgiveness. The most essential one for the hour. The place I work is filled with lots of unforgiveness and as I read through the article, I can relate it with whats happening around me. This devotion brought forgiveness FACE to FACE. Its tough, hard, but has more peace if done.. a big thanks to Jesus and His spirit who inspired to write this devotion...
10/24/2008 5:26:31 AM - anonymous


i am a sinner i live in sin for 10 year. my mate has left me for another woman. we have two kids . and i have all the bill's to pay i need to forgive him and let him go how do i do thi?
10/26/2008 9:59:39 AM - anonymous


This is a great read about forgiveness. I just wish it was that easy to make a decision to forgive. My partner cheated on me with a married man. It's the worst form of betrayal I have ever encountered in my life. It's true that forgiveness will give me the peace and the healing that comes after... but so hard to forget especially when the pain just wont go away. Am I dwelling too much on the pain and hurt? No. It is like a flesh wound that hurts so bad that no matter what you do, the pain IS there and it wont go away... I am praying for some kind of peace that would be enough to make me go by and not feel hurt. If in the process I develop some kind of amnesia so I can forget about what happened that would be a big plus!

"Forgiveness does not mean that we forget and it certainly does not mean that we need to stay in a relationship with the one who wronged us."

This is like making a choice between having your dentist pull out a bad tooth or keeping it by means of root canal. It's clearly the right choice - root canal. It's just so darn painful! But the idea of keeping a "dead" part of your body in you grosses me out. I do admire people who undergoes the same situation as mine and decides to stay. At the same time I think that they are stupid. You can forgive but you cant really forget. I guess the question would be whether or not you want to live with it or just start fresh with a new partner.

In time I may be able to forgive. I still love my partner. I still want to keep the relationship. I've heard people say that it ain't worth it. But I'd like to give it a try. I've been given a second, third, fourth chance by God in so many ways. I'm gonna try His approach. We are bringing Christ into our lives now. And hopefully both of us will find the true peace that we've searching for.
10/27/2008 12:42:45 PM - anonymous


This is so encouraging! Thank you. I think im one person who has failed to forgive because i have always wanted the people who hurt me to apologize but they have never so it keeps on haunting and wish bad things to happen to them! With this message i can now forgive!
10/31/2008 5:08:55 AM - anonymous


I agree totally with the point of letting past hurts and aughts go for the sake of our peace of mind, the bible says whoever puts his hands to the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom of heaven. Paul ministered that he put his past behind and pressed towards the mark of the higher calling, but honestly biblical forgiveness doesnt come until the person accused asks for forgiveness: Luke 17:3 So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:4 if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."Luke 24:47 and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. As Christians we are all called to love, the bibles says to love the LORD thy God with youre whole heart, mind, body and soul and love your neighbor as yourself and on these two laws hangs all the laws of the prophets. One aspect of love is patience, putting up with one another, remembering that we have all fallen from the grace of God, just by being decedents of Adam and Eve we are born in sin, not to mention the things we do daily to frustrate the grace of God, Jesus said him self if we say thou fool we are in danger of hell fire. I believe the teaching of repentance is taught so we come develop the habit of turning away from sin and turning back to God so that we may know his loving-kindness and his mercy, he truly loves us but its proven he doesnt force his love. The bible says every time Israel cried out to God and he delivered them and he wants to deliver all of us when we choose him. I believe teaching forgiveness without repentance leads us into pride and selfishness.
11/2/2008 9:26:30 AM - anonymous


I do believe that forgiveness is a choice that we all must come to grips with. It does set us free so that we are not bottled up with all kinds of emotions that come along with unforgiveness. Jesus is the one who has given us the will power to do just that. I know that He is the one that will deal with us as He see fit and with all parties involved. I do believe that when we forgive it changes how we see each situation and also how we view the persons or person we choose to forgive. Remember Jesus says to turn the other cheek but gives us wisdom in every area to live life.
11/6/2008 12:08:24 PM - sammirocks, Member of Delve into Jesus since 11/6/2008


This was a blessing as a wife of a verbally abusive husband, I have found myself having to ask the holy spirit to enable me to forgive him over and over for things said and done. Your article was a blessed reinforcement for me at a weak moment.
11/11/2008 11:04:36 AM - anonymous


We always seem to look at forgiveness from the point of view that the person wronged us and that is all. I put off confronting a situation for years because I knew that by doing so I would hurt that person and then put them in the same situation that I was in...forgive or not. I was consumed by the situation. I wanted the problem to stop, but I knew that if I said something I would hurt them and that seemed to be contradictory to scripture. After a lot of prayer, I finally did confront them knowing that I would hurt them, but it was the best thing for both of us. God is good and He allows us to be hurt sometimes in order for us to grow. I was actually hurting this person more by not confronting them.
11/15/2008 9:55:56 AM - anonymous


I have been put in a situation where some charges were put on me by some family members and the law was involved right away. I have repented and confessed my sins before God and I know that He has forgiven me as I have dealt with the guilt and shame. Never did I think my life would come to this place but I have come to a place of brokeness humility and surrender and I believe that God wants to give me a second chance. I have not been able to contact this family member I do want to confess my wrong doings and ask their forgiveness. I really do like this devotional but I do not agree with taking your matter to court no matter the severity because the bible clearly speaks in 1 Corinthians 6 about taking your case to one another and not to take it to the courts where ungodly people would judge and dictate our fate, but let God be the judge because He is the one who is going to punish us for our sins. The bible also says do not pay evil for evil but let God have His vengeance on the sinner. I believe that the worldly justice system is very unjust and does not care about people as human beings. I know that people have a different view about this but as I have been reading the scriptures this is what was revealed to me. I am asking for prayer in this matter for God's divine intervention. Please pray for me and all those involved.


Thank you
11/16/2008 1:08:36 AM - anonymous


Thank you for this devotional on forgiveness. We often make the choices putting ourselves in situations that allow us to be hurt, used, and abandoned and then when we are hurt by others we tend to blame the other parties when we are just as responsible in some way for the issue at hand. Forgiveness is about loving God, yourself, and others. Thru this I learned to forgive myself and the other parties as well. Thank you.
11/17/2008 11:02:51 AM - anonymous


My husband told me on Monday that he cheated on me before we got married. This was devastating news because he told me that he has never been with anyone else since the beginning of our courtship. I feel that the only reason why he told me is because the woman sent me a message trying to find him. She and I do not know each other. She did not say anything out of the way to me, and the message did not lead me to believe that he had been unfaithful. Honestly, I thought she E-mailed the wrong person. Of course, he did not commit adultery because we were not married at the time, but I feel that had he told me then what he had done, we would not be together today, and that is what hurts so much. I love my husband, and I want to move pass this, but it is hard, and I do not know what this woman wants from him. Could she possibly be pregnant or have a child by my husband? Only God knows. In spite of the turnout of the situation, I know that I have to forgive him, and I know that I will eventually. I just need God's help. This is so hard.
11/19/2008 4:31:54 PM - anonymous


Thank you for this devotional on forgiveness. Indeed forgiveness is a very difficult task for me, I have tried very hard to forgive my supervisor, but always fail, as he is too selfish and prejudice, sometime he just go crazy without any reason. Whenever he has bad mood, he just simply blow on me. I hate him very much!! I need God's strength to forgive him, I want very much to forgive him! May God bless me in this area. Thank you.
11/21/2008 10:35:10 AM - anonymous


This site was suggested by my Christian counselor that is counselling myself and my husband after I found that my husband has been chatting with several women online over the past year. He has met with one women but never had any physical contact, but we are having a lot of trouble with our marriage over it. There is a lot more to the story, but there may be some legal trouble as well. Last week he asked me what the difference was between trust and forgiveness. We were discussing me regaining my trust in my husband and forgiving him. Then he assigned me looking up what forgiveness is here at this website. This devotional was a lot of help. I had never thought about forgiveness as being the need to forgive someone else for myself. It does make sense. BUT-- sometimes it is very hard. I know the verses about forgiving others so that we might be forgiven. But somethings are very hard to forgive I think. I will think a lot about this and write in my journal for this coming week. Thanks for the lessong in Forgiveness.
11/22/2008 9:33:17 PM - anonymous


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