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Adulterous Hearts

Posted by arsindelve, Executive Director, Delve Christian Ministries
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"...how I have been grieved by their adulterous hearts, which have turned away from me, and by their eyes, which have lusted after their idols. They will loathe themselves for the evil they have done and for all their detestable practices." Eze 6:9

She sits quietly on the living room couch, her glance alternating between the clock over the fireplace where the seconds grind away, and the front window where she will see the headlights turn in the driveway when he finally comes home. He may not come home; it would not be the first time. He has not called, so she is not certain where he is or when he might come home. She has an idea where he might be since there are only a few possibilities. He may be at the bar, the race track or the casino, or he might just be working late. Most likely, though, he is in the arms of another woman at this very moment; again, it would not be the first time.

He has neglected to come home more often than she can remember, and though he makes excuses every time, she understands the bitter truth that she is far from the most important thing in his life. He will not say it, of course, but whatever has kept him from coming home has occupied his full attention while thoughts of his wife have not even crossed his mind.

Her heart aches deep inside her as it does every time he does this. It feels as though her heart will burst from the sting of this betrayal. Her pain and disappointment are immense.

Yet, she will forgive him no matter where he's been and what he's done. She will do this despite the fact that she herself has never been anything but the perfect wife. She has honored the commitment they made with every ounce of her being and with complete commitment and devotion. Despite his years of gambling, drinking and philandering, she would never leave him no matter what his indiscretions may be. She loves him more than he could ever comprehend.


It's difficult to read this parable and not feel some powerful emotions about what this woman has had to endure. However, it's not simply a story about a husband and wife. It's a story about God and his people.

I would ask you now to go back and re-read the parable and as you do, understand that each of us are the wandering, unfaithful husband and God is the loving, devoted wife.

As you consider the emotions which this parable evokes, I want to challenge you to change how you think about sin. We have a tendency to think of sin in terms of mistakes, weaknesses or even personality quirks, but it is considerably more serious. Every sin that we commit breaks that covenant we have with God. We were created to place him first above all else and when we sin, we are laying something else in that sacred spot reserved for Him alone. It is much more serious than a mistake or a slip-up. We have taken another lover. We have committed adultery against God.

Let this devotional today be the catalyst for some change in your life. If there is any recurring sin which you have been sweeping under the rug or justifying as a "little problem", realize now how that sin grieves God. I pray that you will make a commitment today to stop that sin and come home to God.

Like the husband in the parable, we are completely undeserving of the love and forgiveness that God offers, so let us never take that for granted.

Comments


Lord, would You so kindly as to give me friends from the heart and not friends to pretend.....There are no strangers here, only FRIENDS we haven't met
12/11/2007 7:26:00 PM - anonymous


It really hit home for me. It made me realize that adultery isn't just with another man or woman other than your husband or wife, it is anything that becomes more important to you than God. There is something I'm going to be changing in my life - starting right now!

Thank you.
12/13/2007 3:59:22 PM - anonymous


god bless all thank you
12/15/2007 4:12:11 AM - anonymous


I read this and it really opened my eyes.
I read my bible when I have my bible studies but when the holiday get here and classes are on break I tend to conform to the world and all that is in it.
I am commiting adultery every day that I am not focusing on GOD. I am leaving myself open to get futher and futher away from his words and truths. I am going to pray right now and ask him for his forgiveness. I am thatnkful for this devotional it has helped to open my eyes wider
12/19/2007 3:35:26 PM - anonymous


As I struggle with gambling, this drove home more heartache. I know that I am cheating on God time. Pray that I continue to run away from those things that are keeping me from a closer relationship with God.
12/22/2007 8:49:17 AM - anonymous


Wow! thats deep. I never thought of it that way. I was always the devoted wife and one day it all changed. My prayer is to get closer to the lord but how can i if I continue to sin. I understand better why now.
12/28/2007 8:35:44 AM - anonymous


I recently discovered that my husband had 2 affairs with women and a one night stand 20 years ago. He has not been with anyone else and since then turned his life over to God. Even though this happened so long ago an we have been married close to 30 years I still feel betrayed and hurt. I have forgiven him, but I after reading this devotional and really understanding how God must feel when we are not focused on him and have that adulterous realtionship with sin or bad habits. I just want to thank God for forgiviness and love that he shows everyday and pray for a closer realtionship with him.
12/28/2007 11:26:39 AM - anonymous


My husband does not go to bars or stay out all night, but he is a heavy drinker, does not work outside of the home, complains that I don't do enough around the house even though I do work a 40+ week outside of the home(brings in 1/3 of the household income, via retirement stipen)..............but I try to honor God and my husband by trying not to complain, but.......I'm torn between my love for God and my husband and my husband's laying on the couch all day..........and now he's saying he's going to look into "his options" after the first of the year. He battles depression, bouts of anxiety, bittnerness over lost monies, etc, etc......... :((
12/28/2007 2:51:20 PM - anonymous


I dont want to commit adultery against god, please help me Lord so that i dont make you feel like this wife..
12/29/2007 6:29:29 AM - anonymous


I was almost in tears when I read this. That women is me right now. I will pray with him even when he doesn't want to. I told him that the devil keeps knocking at his door, and he keeps answering it. Will it ever get better??
12/30/2007 9:12:38 PM - anonymous


It has been ten years since my husband committed adultry. Even before this happened infidelity was practiced from the beginning. I have been married for nearly 30 years and my husband enjoyed flirting and being flirted with. It hurt, embarassed and offended me greatly. I don't believe my emotional love for him had an opportunity to grow. It hurts even now...but I would like to share something wonderful that happened because of this hurt and pain. My relationship with the Lord has developed and grown to the point that I can think about the Lord and blush. I love him so much and thank him for using this devasting pain to get my attention. I am sorry that He had to allow so much hurt and pain to bring this about and I apologized to the Lord. It still hurts when I think about what my husband did but Jesus can always put a smile on my face when I think about what he did and how much he loves me. Pray for me as it is hard and difficult to embrace, kiss or be intimate with my husband and not think about his betrayal. While I wait on the Lord to help me in these things I am enjoying my growing love and intimacy with Christ. Thank you Lord, I love you for first loving me! Signed SAVED
1/3/2008 9:52:12 PM - anonymous


I think this should be entitled "hit home.com". Pornography is the theme, surrender is the scheme. God give me strength to rededicate my life to you.
1/4/2008 11:04:16 AM - anonymous


Though a Christian with a wonderful family, I had been stuck for years in the sin of lust - the lust of the eyes. I somehow justified looking at things I should not have - mainly pornography on the internet. Finally, God got my attention less than 2 months ago. I picked up a nasty computer virus and was forced to confess to my loving wife what I had been secretly doing. It crushed her spirit and I love and respect her so much that I could barely take the the anguish and embarrassment I felt as I realized what an awful, selfish sin lust is and how deeply it hurt her that I was more interested in feeding this lust than I was in her. I realized that I was not only turning my back on God (which is the most problematic), but I was also letting down people that trusted me and relied on me. I confessed my sin and TRULY repented for the first time on 11/16/07. For the first time in all of these years, I asked for the Holy Spirit to take over this part of my heart and renew me. You are absolutely correct - we commit adultery when we allow the adversary to do what he has been doing forever - convince us that the things of the world are more important than the things of God. May He fill me with His Holy Spirit and remind me daily of how much I am loved and what He has in store for us in heaven. His church is the bride and we should desire to be pure for Him - realizing that being in His presence as a good and faithful servant is more unimaginably joyous than anything this world has to offer.
1/7/2008 5:08:13 AM - anonymous


I still love my husband Danny very, very, much and I tell him every day even though we have been seperated for two months, I have forgiven him for cheating on me and he never tells me that he love me, is it because he is still sleeping with his misteress?
1/8/2008 11:55:41 AM - anonymous


romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

friends, what a joy it is to know than even when we just don't what to say, think or pray God Himself prays for us and we can be rest assured He will answer the prayers He makes on our behalf.
May God also pray for the situation you are having with your husband Danny.
1/10/2008 2:14:07 AM - anonymous


Wow! What a thought. I am so thankful that the Lord isn't like many of us women who have been cheated on and refused to be fooled again. Yet, here stands our Lord - waiting for us to come home and be with HIM while we are out having our affair with the world. If God can love and forgive us for what we do daily, surely we can love and forgive those who hurt us deeply - whether or not they are repentant. And knowing what it feels like to be cheated on, we can now say, "I'm sorry, Lord" with truly repentant hearts and let Him be Lord of our Life. So long World, Selfishness and Lustfulness of the heart ... Hello God's wonderful forgiveness, unsurpassed Grace and Love.
1/11/2008 1:57:36 PM - anonymous


YES THIS PASSAGE MEANS SOMETHING NOT ONLY FOR THE SINS OF MY FLESH BUT ALSO THE ONES WE HURT THROUGH OUR SINS. I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN THE WORLD FIGHTING FOR A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD YET LETTING THE SINS OF THE FLESH COME BETWEEN ME AND MY GOD. IT HAD GOTTEN TO A POINT THAT I COULD HAVE SWORN I STOPPED HEARING HIM. I DONT LIKE BEING SEPARATED FROM CHRIST. THEIR IS NO SUCH THING AS A MORE POWERFUL AND MEANINGFUL LOVE THAN THE LOVE GOD CONTINUOUSLY GRACES US WITH. I AM A WOMEN WHO IS GUILTY NOT ONLY OF ADULTRY BUT EVEN AFTER THAT ENDED I DEAL WITH LUST. AS A WOMEN I AM ASHAMED BECAUSE THE PASSAGE ANGERED ME AND OPENED MY EYES. I NOT ONLY CHEAT ON MY MATE BUT WORSE I CHEAT ON GOD MY CREATOR MY SUSTAINER MY REASON FOR BREATH I ASK GOD TO FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS AND RENEW IN ME A CLEAN HEART. BECAUSE I AM A SERVANT OF GODS. AND I ALSO ASK YOU FOR DELIVERANCE FOR DANNYS WIFE AND THAT YOU GIVE HER GREATER STRENTH AND UNDERSTANDING FOR WHATEVER HER NEW PATH MAY BE.
1/14/2008 12:34:12 AM - anonymous


This shows a lot of us the error of our ways. I am the cheating husband, the lustful eye person and may other sad things that I am truly sorry for. I have asked God, and still ask today that He steady my hand and guide my heart away from the snares of the devil. The feeling of knowing that ones you love and who love you now look at you with shame and distrust is a feeling that I care not to ever feel again for the remainder of my life. I urge those who need to find that ray of hope that God is the only way. Open your heart to him and tell Him each and every thing you have done that has disgraced Him, and then keep praying and following in the footsteps of the one whose love will never die. This is the path of true righteouness.
1/22/2008 3:47:50 PM - anonymous


I just found out that my husband of 27 years has been cheating on me with another women for 7 months now. 2 weeks ago he tryed to commit suicide thanks to our wonderful Lord and Savior he did not succeed. He still to this very day continues his relationship with this person . I pray and forgive always. After reading this devotional I have asked Our Lord for forgiveness when I did not have the prayer time I should have done. Today, I know and still wait for Gods timing in restoring my marriage. Praise his holy name.
1/25/2008 3:03:12 PM - anonymous


i now understand that i have sinned against Gods Holy Ordinance. I repent of my adultery to God and to my wife. I chose her as my soulmate and life partner; and Gods Ordinance has blessed and confirmed our union. My cheating ways have tarnished all the blessings God has given to me; despite my foolishness. I ask God to forgive me for my adultering ways, to show mercy to me, to bless my wife, to give me the tools to be follow His Ordinances as He wants me to, and to restore our Union to Him and our marriage.

God has been so good to me and my family. It is my duty for be a faithful servent.

God Bless you all

Amen
1/28/2008 1:20:30 AM - anonymous


I forgive my husband but I still struggle since his adultery resulted in a birth of a child and woman who is desparately trying to recapture my husband's attention and is now pursuing large sum child support payments as well as emotional access and support. She also lashes out at me whenever possible although initially apoligizing stated she did not know of his marital status. My husband and I are working really hard in counseling and recovery. Although we are not interacting with this woman as she tries to reach in and disrupt our lives we are praying that some how this all works out and at some point God allows enough healing that we can provide this child some relationship as he grows but with the state of the mother it seems impossible and our hearts are hardening, especially mine. Please pray for us. As she mounts each attack toward us I am reminded of my husband's betrayal. Also, these attacks cause me to doubt God's love and fuel anger towards god for allowing this to happen while I am trying so hard to serve him and be faithful.
1/28/2008 5:37:20 PM - anonymous


I am the only person in my family that has not been divorced.. and I have never been married! I'm 32, and I am a very social person. Because of the issues of lacking trust in relationships, yet the longing for intimacy, I could always find a way out of a relationship. I have gone through a few years of an online chat addiction, and I realized I could not stop through my dating relationships. I could go numb with my feelings and fell into the vicious cycle of guilt, shame, lack of trust, and longing to numb the pain. I didn't realize how serious and painful this whole coping mechanism was at the time.

If you know that someone is struggling with an addiction, please don't be the codependant one or play the Woe is me. Understand that there are deeper problems that are being coped with that need to be addressed. But it must be confronted, or it will get worse.



1/29/2008 11:16:20 AM - anonymous


The pain that God must feel towards our betrayal is tangible to me in my life.

My wife and I were married for 8 years before she cheated on me. Both times it was a one night stand induced by alcohol. All tricks by Satan to a vulnerable and unbelieving woman. It helps him widen that gap we all have to cross to come to the Lord. That place where we must confess and repent. I am in no way innocent as I had placed her as an idol where He should have been. To further the gap I played in a band for 5 years at many bars literally handing my wife over to Satan. I have been away for 8+ years always thinking that I would return to Him "tomorrow." Knowing in the back of my mind that I was causing my children to stumble. I am an adulterer in my relationship with the Lord just as my wife is with me. It is understanding those things that give you compassion towards the one you love who you feel betrayed by. As the one who has been hurt we don't want to believe that we could have done what they did to us but I can tell you that while playing in the band I was given many opportunities to cheat. Lustful thoughts played out in my mind only held back by that lingering love I still had for the Lord and my wife. But that which played out in my mind was adultery to the Lord. I being responsible in many ways more than my unbelieving wife. Held responsible for the knowledge I have been given through grace. But the Lord uses our sinful works for good. I weep every day for what I have done, for my wife's struggles, and for us all as we know not what we do. The good news is that I found Him arms wide open to take me back. He had always been there. Waiting. Never failing me. There is now more good in my life than the bad that was introduced. I has been more than 6 months and my wife and I still struggle to recover but I am walking with Jesus closer than ever before. I have faith that she will become a believer. God can heal my marriage. Just as a broken bone heals stronger than before it was broken. My children are no longer strangers to me and their heavenly Father. I am lucky to have been given this second chance. I hope that my testimony will comfort others. He seeks to do the same for all of us. Put Him first and you will be rewarded more than you can imagine.

Forgive us Lord for turning away from you when we should draw closer. Give us all the wisdom to see it through your lens. Let us love our family as we do our neighbor. Let us preach the Good News to all that will listen. Let us pray for those who do not yet hear. Let us walk in Your ways for those who do not see. Prepare our hearts and minds for the inevitable tribulation we all must endure. Give strength to those whose trials seem overwhelming and just don't think they can go one more day. Let Your will be done for You use all things for your glory. In Jesus name we pray!

Amen
1/30/2008 2:10:45 PM - anonymous


My husband committed adultery for almost 3 yrs before I discovered it. It was a devastating and painful experience for me. I left the house 6 months prior to my discovery with a hope that he will pursue me, however, he made up his mind to separate with me. He took the other woman over here in the States even when we have not yet filed for a divorce. The marriage is over now and I've learned that it is only God who can validate, love and forgive us. Perhaps, I've put my husband first before God. During this time of recovery, I've come closer to God in my devotion and in serving Him.
2/3/2008 2:00:34 AM - anonymous


I thank the Lord for all the testimonies above..they have helped me have a deeper insight into adultery. I am guilty of it and couldn't stand the pain and anguish it caused my husband. I now realize how much we hurt God when we commit adultery in the heart by putting anything or anyone else before him...and yet he loves us still...why do we look elsewhere but to him for love when it is never going to be reciprocated in much more abundance than we can ever imagine????
2/7/2008 6:17:35 PM - anonymous


My wife committed adultery 11 years ago. I read how, in most cases, the cause is that something in the marriage is lacking. I think one could make the case that there is likely something lacking in EVERY marriage, so I have to call BS.

I also read about how most who have accepted back their unfaithful spouses make great strides unless they happen to think about it. I must say that I have done virtually everything imaginable not to think about it, but to this day I have a very difficult time getting it out of my mind (or I guess I wouldn't be posting this!).

If I didn't love her as deeply as I did I could have never taken her back. But I also knew the devil seeks to break up marriages and families, so I also viewed my nuclear war (so to speak) with him, and won the mother-of-all-wars by still loving her deeply.

Am I having second thoughts about taking her back? No, not at all. She's ridiculously attractive in every imaginable way (not just physically), and I have been smitten with her--and married to her--for almost 27 years.

But the pain of the betrayal, the lies, and the deceit are almost too much to bear.

Before you (anyone) are too quick to tell me I'm living in the past, please know that I've done extensive reading about how to move on, and believe I have done all of the right things.

But I still hurt incredibly because of the pedestal I had her on and b/c I felt it was so out of her character.

What do you do to keep the pain at bay?

Thanks for listening and for any recommendations you might have.

My name?

B*happy
2/8/2008 9:43:18 PM - anonymous


It's me....I feel terrible, crushed, guilty and aching all over. I am the adulterous one. Even though the act didn't physically happen, I got to close to a married man over email and I myself am married. We just swept it under the rug hoping no one would ever find out. Now his wife found a stash of our emails and informed my husband of what had been going on. I feel ill. How could it have gotten to this point? I was feeling so justified in my actions. My husband and I had a long talk, he's so wonderful. But I'm concerned about the other marriage. What if I've ruined it forever. It will never be the same, thanks to me.

Lord forgive me. Forgive me for lust and discontentment. Forgive me for looking for love in the wrong places and not turning to you. Forgive me for hurting those around me so deeply. I don't even care to look in the mirror right now. Please, PLEASE, restore my marriage, and David's marriage. Forgive our indiscretions. Heal the hurt that I caused. I am SO sorry. The guilt I feel is incredible. I just don't even know if I can go on. Please take the words of my heart that I cannot even utter right now and turn them into something meaningful to the Lord's ears. Heal Jamie, help her to forget me forever. Lord, I know you are powerful and my heart is absolutely broken. I never thought I would be this woman. Show me what to do next. Show me how to go on....show me how to live for you...show me how not to be such a terrible person....show me your will....show me the pain that I've induced so I can face it....show me how to make this right....Is there any way??? What have I done?
2/28/2008 8:37:56 AM - anonymous


I have to be honest here and I know it's at the risk of being blasphemous. I have really been through the ringer recently having lost everything and nearly everyone I was blessed with in my life. I know several of those losses were to do with my not heeding the 'words' I felt laid on my heart to follow. At the same time, I can't help (if I'm completely honest) but feel that god is acting somewhat adulterous to me. I can't believe I'm saying this but it is how I FEEL sometimes. It says let no man put asunder... well I've watched a man put us asunder for 10 months now. I've called on the word of god and has it been held up. There are several areas where it just doesn't seem to have in these situations such as marriage. SURE you can always hurl 'freedom of choice' at me but then what's the point in calling on god's word in your time of need? I'm not trying to be bitter but it is beginning to set in. I have a friend who told me, I'm in god's hand right now but the hand is so huge that I just don't recognize that it is what I'm being held in right now. I want to believe, but believing doesn't seem to make it work out.
3/6/2008 12:56:54 AM - anonymous


I'm amazed at this article and this makes me understand that adultery doesnt only point to at married couples; but also to a mere 18 years old girl like me. How often have I turned my focus away from God, and make Him feel like how the woman felt in the article...
3/11/2008 10:48:31 AM - anonymous


To B*Happy,

I am the one who wrote the message on 1/30/2008 about being married for 8 years. Who had his wife commit adultery 2 times. In fact I got here through a search engine for the second time. I started reading my comment from January, and was like "WOW! That guy is just like me!" I totally forgot I posted it. HAHA. Perhaps you will return to read this and perhaps not as well.

Just the fact that I am here again shows you that I am also having trouble getting away from the pain. It is not something you can turn off. Much like someone who lost a child. It is a scar. It heals but never goes completely away. I don't have any solutions myself. I probably never will. Perhaps it is something we have been allowed to endure to get to have a closer relationship with the Lord. What I try to dwell on is getting closer to Jesus. I don't think I could ever get completely away from the thoughts without running the risk of burying it and it become an emotional sickness to me later on. Right now I weep every day to balance out what my flesh wants me to do: get angry, get aggressive, get even, and other various and completely understandable emotions. The important thing is that I put safeguards in my life to protect this from completely consuming me. It has at times become consuming. Other things I do are to counsel with the Lord through friends, the church, family, the Word, prayer, and other similar comforting and aligning connections.

To continue my story...
My wife told me a few days ago that she wants to leave by the end of the month. There is no anger between us. It is not toxic living here. I believe in my heart that she feels so much guilt and shame that it drives her away from me. She said that she would rather die than stay here any longer. That she feels like I am her father. The ironic thing is that I do not use any of my commitments to the Lord against her. I believe she is self convicting. I feel for her but I will not stop trying to win her back with the help of the Holy Spirit. Perhaps I am driving her away from me with my new found love for the Lord but I can't relent on that for our salvation. I know that if I had my choice that I would wish the Lord would keep us together but I believe his Will is to bring us closer to him. If this is the way it has to be to bring all of us as a whole closer to Jesus then sign me up Coach!

Keep trying B*happy and all of you reading this. Know that we will not always "be happy." That what doesn't break us only makes us stronger. It builds character and it becomes a ministry and level of compassion that you can extend to others who are broken by the fallout of adultery. God bless you and keep you and your family!
3/14/2008 1:29:38 PM - anonymous


Hi all. I was a prodigal now standing for my marriage. I just want to thank and Praise God for this daily walk. Lord, Im sorry for all the filth and sin and hurt I was involved in and sorry Lord for turning my back on you and on my husband. My husband is now living with another woman. But I pray God will turn his heart around just like how my heart was turned and convicted.

I need to know how to pray for the woman my husband is living with. She does not believe what she is doing is wrong. Is she right? I know I hurt my husband and she feels like this is all my fault. Can someone here help me or pray for her? I know God hates divorce and I really need help and support for my marriage to be restored. Thanks in advance.

SCJ
3/17/2008 11:49:41 AM - anonymous


Hi,
I am also in the same situation right now,my husband is having an affair with another woman. I discovered their affair 7 months ago. I was so HURT when I learned the affair. The sad thing is that even though my husband already ask my forgiveness & said to me that he & the girl is already far from each other, I'm still hurt right now..why? because the girl still keep on sending emails to me that everyday her relationship with my husband is getting stronger (by the way me & my husband is away with each othe because of his work & he & the girl is in the same place).Everytime I confronted my husband his only answer to me is that "Dont mind her because she is crazy now". In this im confused..but one thing I realized especially after reading your topic is that I pity the girl & i pity my husband..why? because its not only me that they betrayed, but is GOD himself..My prayer now is that God will touch the heart of the girl that she will also come to know GOd & flee from my husband & realise that she can still find a single person like her to be with, and for my husband I prayed that the holy spirit will touch him & let him realized that marriage life is sacred & that as husband he should look at the future of his generation by giving good example to our son. Before I end i want to share to you that right now i am carrying with me the word of god that says "It's Finished". jesus died for our sins many years ago & im still hoping that today GOD will do something in my relationship..To all wives & husband who feels the same thing with what i feel, lets offer them to God & wait..GOd will surely fight the battles for us..HE IS THE MIGHTY GOD & NOTHING IS TOO HARD FOR HIM,HE CAN DO ALL THINGS FOR THE GOOD OF ALL...thans & God bless..

should b hapi
3/22/2008 1:15:28 AM - anonymous